Tell me I’m not “giving up” or a failure. Feeding 4 day old twins
- Thread starter igbokwe
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- advice needed multiples
katrina2017
New member
@igbokwe Your babies will absolutely thrive whether they are formula fed or breast fed. Think of it this way - after the initial few months, absolutely no one cares how one was fed as an infant. We can’t go out in public, point at people and say ‘this person was definitely breastfed’, ‘this person was definitely formula fed’. When we catch a cold, or even when children catch colds, no one says ‘oh god, if only had they been breastfed!’. Of course it’s normal to feel a sense of grief if you wanted to breastfeed and it’s not working out, let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. But remember that this period doesn’t last long and you are NOT a failure in any way.
Lastly, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I think this strong push against giving any amount of formula ultimately turns mothers off feeding any breast milk. Truth is, twins get to be smaller and therefore have smaller mouths, their suck might be weaker and generally many (though not all!) twins are notoriously difficult feeders in the beginning. It can take them a little longer to master the skill - and it is a new skill, both for you and for them. But it will take time before they learn how to nurse efficiently, they will need to grow a little bigger and get plenty of practice. If you do want to nurse, make sure you reach out for extra support, particularly from professionals/lactation consultants who are experienced working with twins.
Whatever you choose, breastfeeding, formula or mix, will be the right choice for your family.
Lastly, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I think this strong push against giving any amount of formula ultimately turns mothers off feeding any breast milk. Truth is, twins get to be smaller and therefore have smaller mouths, their suck might be weaker and generally many (though not all!) twins are notoriously difficult feeders in the beginning. It can take them a little longer to master the skill - and it is a new skill, both for you and for them. But it will take time before they learn how to nurse efficiently, they will need to grow a little bigger and get plenty of practice. If you do want to nurse, make sure you reach out for extra support, particularly from professionals/lactation consultants who are experienced working with twins.
Whatever you choose, breastfeeding, formula or mix, will be the right choice for your family.
globalappsorg
New member
@igbokwe One of mine had a really hard time latching/sucking so I had to pump for a couple of weeks just for her. I'm not a fan of pumping. I'm in awe of moms who exclusively pump. Nursing straight from the tap is so much easier in my opinion. (With my singleton I had to pump while I was working so I did.) It will get easier once they figure out the latching and suck thing, so keep trying if that's what your goal is. One feed it will just click. That being said, your sanity is worth a lot. Formula is perfectly fine - I just hate washing bottles more than I hated pumping so I kept trying, lol.
juicemex07
New member
@igbokwe Second time mum to twins here. I fed my first child to 14months and currently tandem feeding my 14wk twins. The one thing i will never do is pumping. It’s soul sucking, it’s joyless, it’s really difficult to do with older children and it’s so hard to maintain supply long term. Literally it feels like the worst of both options to me. You are not wrong or weak for choosing a different path if latching is just not working for you. Do what works for your family. You could always try and latch them first, see if you can get a little feed in as they get bigger and stronger and then use formula most of the time.
juicemex07
New member
You literally just gave birth to two people. Keeping them alive and fed is a HUGE achievement in itself.
mattbraunlin
New member
@igbokwe Agree with you have to do what’s best for you.
I found I was able to nurse successfully once my boys were full term. It took 2 weeks of triple feeding them individually (nurse, bottle, pump) to work on their latch and make sure they were transferring enough milk. If you’re not working with an IBCLC I definitely suggest trying to find one.
I found I was able to nurse successfully once my boys were full term. It took 2 weeks of triple feeding them individually (nurse, bottle, pump) to work on their latch and make sure they were transferring enough milk. If you’re not working with an IBCLC I definitely suggest trying to find one.
@igbokwe Ultimately, put yourself first. Over the years there will be various challenges and for some things the cost is not worth the benefit. This is how I see it: If it makes Mom stressed and unhappy, it's also not good for the kids; they will feel the vibes. I gave up on a tidy house because not stressing about it made me more relaxed.
For my twins, one was better at nursing than the other. Eventually I breast fed one and bottle fed the other. It was ideal. I noticed this especially when traveling. I only had to pack bottles for one!
For my twins, one was better at nursing than the other. Eventually I breast fed one and bottle fed the other. It was ideal. I noticed this especially when traveling. I only had to pack bottles for one!
android3850
New member
@igbokwe You are not alone in your feelings.
I am 2 weeks pp with didi twins born from an emergency c section at 33 weeks. I caught COVID while in the hospital and my boys have been in the NICU. I haven’t see them since they were 2 days old.
Today I made the decision to stop pumping. It’s uncomfortable, gives me anxiety, and I hate it. I know there is a shortage of formula, but I can’t keep doing this. It is a terrible experience for me every single time I let down, and I am not even producing enough to feed both of my twins. I feel some guilt about this decision , but I think it’s the best move for my mental health. I want to be the best version of myself possible for my boys when they come home, and I feel like pumping is preventing me from getting there.
Keep your chin up and do what’s best for you AND your babies. They need a whole, happy you.
I am 2 weeks pp with didi twins born from an emergency c section at 33 weeks. I caught COVID while in the hospital and my boys have been in the NICU. I haven’t see them since they were 2 days old.
Today I made the decision to stop pumping. It’s uncomfortable, gives me anxiety, and I hate it. I know there is a shortage of formula, but I can’t keep doing this. It is a terrible experience for me every single time I let down, and I am not even producing enough to feed both of my twins. I feel some guilt about this decision , but I think it’s the best move for my mental health. I want to be the best version of myself possible for my boys when they come home, and I feel like pumping is preventing me from getting there.
Keep your chin up and do what’s best for you AND your babies. They need a whole, happy you.
srgrey2000
New member
@igbokwe I feel you so much, I pumped from the very beginning and I managed to do so for almost three months, but let me tell you, stopping it improved my mental health so much! Fed is best and having twins is incredibly hard, if you decide to stop pumping you will not be any less of a mother to them. My husband keeps reminding me that as long as I am fine, they will be fine so taking care of myself is a priority. You got this and you are amazing whatever path you choose 
@igbokwe I hate pumping and had a hard time breastfeeding in the beginning too. We supplemented with some formula and never stopped combo feeding. Made me feel so much better to know they were definitely getting some full meals.
I also found nipple shield’s incredibly helpful for them to learn the latch and grow a bit.
I also found nipple shield’s incredibly helpful for them to learn the latch and grow a bit.
@igbokwe If you hate pumping, it may be the pump. My partner hated using a manual hand operated pump the first time around, but had a much easier/more comfortable time using a more expensive automated pump when she later had twins.
If it’s not that then just do whatever makes you least stressed and most comfortable. Babies are happier when mum is happier.
If it’s not that then just do whatever makes you least stressed and most comfortable. Babies are happier when mum is happier.
@igbokwe I hear you, And know those feelings. You are not a failure and you’re not giving up. Becoming a mom is a series of trial and error / problem solving. If it isn’t working just try something else, til you find what works for you or your babes.
Also, when I did switch I felt like my baby was getting all the right vitamins and minerals guaranteed with the formula, where as I wasn’t eating as healthy as usual, so I thought that was a huge bonus/relief.
As for Formula it is crazy what the supply is doing, before any of the issues we have now I opted for European formula. Check out www.my organic company .com, I’m not sure if their supply is impacted as well but I would call they have amazing customer service. My baby loved the loulouka brand and I thought because of the size of the canister it was actually not that different in cost to the us ones but the ingredients were SO much better.
You’re doing amazing, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to think you want to do it one way only to realize you actually want to do it another — it’s just proof you’re growing and learning as a mother
Also, when I did switch I felt like my baby was getting all the right vitamins and minerals guaranteed with the formula, where as I wasn’t eating as healthy as usual, so I thought that was a huge bonus/relief.
As for Formula it is crazy what the supply is doing, before any of the issues we have now I opted for European formula. Check out www.my organic company .com, I’m not sure if their supply is impacted as well but I would call they have amazing customer service. My baby loved the loulouka brand and I thought because of the size of the canister it was actually not that different in cost to the us ones but the ingredients were SO much better.
You’re doing amazing, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to think you want to do it one way only to realize you actually want to do it another — it’s just proof you’re growing and learning as a mother
@igbokwe Formula is fine, really fine. You will also be able to see exactly what they eat if you go for bottles. There is nothing wrong with doing what is best for you and your family. It is in fact what you should do. Everyone is different. You are not a bad mom you are a good one. You are taking into account what you need in order to give the best of yourself for your kids. That is very important. Try to let go of the guilt. I have BF partially for 6 weeks before stopping. It was too much and too tiring. Today my kids do great and have grown very well.
@igbokwe My twins are almost four weeks old and this is so similar to our situation. Baby A was 6lbs 14 oz and Baby B was 5 lbs 11 oz. Baby A has done mostly okay with nursing, but I did notice things got significantly better/easier with him once he got over 7lbs weight. Baby B has had a really hard time taking to nursing and we had some pretty rough struggles for a bit, but it’s slowly getting better. We have seen multiple lactation consultants who have assessed him for tongue tie and he’s fine, they all just said he’s small. He takes mostly bottles of pumped milk still and I try to get him nursing at the boob when I can but only if it’s stress free for him. Things are still slowly improving. Our doctor did write us a referral to an occupational therapist for Baby B and she also said it’s possible he’s struggling because he is just so small still. He’s just under 7 lbs still.
If you want to combo feed, do it! If your goal is breastfeeding and you have the supply… do what you can to maintain it and know that it won’t be forever. Pumping is the pits. But if you prefer to switch to formula that’s okay too. None of it makes you a good or bad mom.
Highly recommend seeing a lactation consultant if you haven’t already! They were able to help me assess latch, find helpful positions, assess weight gain, and just troubleshoot.
If you want to combo feed, do it! If your goal is breastfeeding and you have the supply… do what you can to maintain it and know that it won’t be forever. Pumping is the pits. But if you prefer to switch to formula that’s okay too. None of it makes you a good or bad mom.
Highly recommend seeing a lactation consultant if you haven’t already! They were able to help me assess latch, find helpful positions, assess weight gain, and just troubleshoot.
eternity75
New member
@igbokwe I’m praying I can BF again, but my situation is purely financial. Things have been so tough for my husband’s business this year, and we have been struggling just to get by. I feel like I can’t even afford to consider using formula unless it’s an absolute must. It sucks. I’m putting so much pressure on myself, and they aren’t even here yet. If you have the ability to afford formula, I would not even question it! Do what’s best for you!
@igbokwe Nursing is a marathon, not a sprint. You need to make the right decision for you, but if you’re hesitating, there’s a reason.
How will you feel about this a few months from now? Will you be ok if you’re formula feeding 100% of the time? Will it be a financial or logistical strain? Will you wish you would have pushed on longer, or will you have grace for yourself and look at the cost as a non-issue? Do you have supports in place for either method?
A lot of moms on Reddit are quick to push formula. I’m not anti-formula; it’s a wonderful resource. But I also gave up too early (my own opinion) with my oldest and carried that guilt for a long time. Now I can recognize that I was doing the best I could with what I had, but it took a long time for me to get there. You know yourself best and how you’ll handle this going forward. Whatever you choose, be gentle with yourself.
How will you feel about this a few months from now? Will you be ok if you’re formula feeding 100% of the time? Will it be a financial or logistical strain? Will you wish you would have pushed on longer, or will you have grace for yourself and look at the cost as a non-issue? Do you have supports in place for either method?
A lot of moms on Reddit are quick to push formula. I’m not anti-formula; it’s a wonderful resource. But I also gave up too early (my own opinion) with my oldest and carried that guilt for a long time. Now I can recognize that I was doing the best I could with what I had, but it took a long time for me to get there. You know yourself best and how you’ll handle this going forward. Whatever you choose, be gentle with yourself.
fashionmurdoc
New member
@igbokwe Might be a little too early to throw in the towel, but ultimately you have to do what’s best for you. If that’s formula feeding, then it’s formula feeding and your babies will be fine. Yes, everyone says breast is best, but if you are not mentally healthy then you will be in no position to take care of your boys. As my prepartum shrink is fond of saying, and I have learned to embrace, you have to be healthy for yourself, so you can keep them healthy.
newchristianlady
New member
@igbokwe I lasted 3 weeks with my twins. It was such a hassle and I felt my whole day revolved around feeding two babies inadequately, pumping, leaking, sleepless nights, etc. We switched to formula and did shifts at night to get more sleep.
For us it was the best decision for my sanity, but formula also has some down sides. It's expensive for two and my twins had to be on different formulas because they had different needs. It made one of them very constipated all the time.
For us it was the best decision for my sanity, but formula also has some down sides. It's expensive for two and my twins had to be on different formulas because they had different needs. It made one of them very constipated all the time.