Q+A Part 2: WTT

[janimelody]

@bernard222

1. Why? Mainly because I want to wait. I do want a child (a big change on a few years ago), but I don't feel quite ready either emotionally or physically to put myself through it all.
2. Not long. It was not something I thought about in earnest, or really felt a longing for, before we were married (July).
3. Probably next July or August (2018).
4. My SO is pretty indifferent to when we ttc. He doesn't want to have a infant in the household before next September (when we have to move),or to wait beyond 2019 (he's starting to get tetchy for a baby) but any time from February 2018 onwards is a ok with him.
5. Move - ideally buy a little 2bdrm condo in a good school district, but even just rent a 2bdrm there is fine. Travel - I'm dreaming of Botswana!! SO learns to cook - even just the basics is fine Immigration - get my 'advanced parole' travel approval.
6. OMG YES TRAVEL!! The Okavango Delta has skyrocketed to the top of my travel lust list, and is just the kind of place we want to go pre-ttc. July is the best month for us to go - I'd prefer June but we're in a wedding and my travel approval might not be in by then. Then ttc comes straight after that!
7. A couple of friends know, a bit. But I try not to rant to them tooooo much.

8 & 9. I have endometriosis, I'll be 33 when we ttc and my family has a history of having some difficulty conceiving (oh and a genetic connective tissue disorder). Despite that, I'm not too concerned about fertility issues, or even passing on my disability. My bigger concerns are how we'll cope with sleep deprivation, how my body and mind will cope with the hormones and physical changes, how I'll return to some level of fitness post-baby, and how we'll go as a couple with such a large change to our life! Basically, health and relationship type fears. Also, childbirth looks horrific.

1. Sure! I'd be interested to know more about our non-wtt lives if people want to share?

 

[lindalee1456]

@bernard222

1. Why are you waiting?
   
   Because we're scared, lol
   
2. How long have you been waiting?
   
   Well, my TTC Google Doc was created May 2016, so about 16 months lol.
   
3. When will you start trying?
   
   Current plan is ~January 2018, so 3-4 months. I can see that getting pushed out a smidge though.
   
4. How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?
   
   He's excited and nervous, just like me. I've done a ton more research though (aka subreddit stalking), so I feel like he doesn't even know what he doesn't know lol. Hence, timeline possibly getting pushed out.
   
5. What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?
   
   Uhhhh not much, really. I guess clean up my diet. Been trying to lose the same 10-30 pounds for a few years lol. I have a good exercise habit right now, so that's good. Our finances are meh, but we get by and have some savings.
   
6. Any trips/vacations you'd like to take before TTC?
   
   Done! We went to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and it was AHHHHHMAZING. That was like the big checkmark on our list
   
7. Does anyone in your personal life know about your wait/TTC timeline?
   
   Yeah, we bring it up to friends occasionally. I don't want to be too specific with most people. Especially our family. Too much pressure!
   
8. What are your hopes and fears about waiting?
   
   His grandparents are old and in poor health. We hope they will be able to meet the babby. I'm afraid of something big coming up to extend the wait.
   
9. What are your hopes and fears about TTC?
   
   I'm afraid of not being able to conceive. I hope it's fun and exciting and not draining and stressful. I'm afraid of DH telling too many people and having pressure from others. I hope my body off birth control is not wacky and crazy lol. I hope I'm able to maintain good habits during TTC to carry over to pregnancy (eating healthy, abstaining from alcohol and caffeine). Not even going to mention hopes and fears for pregnancy/motherhood! That's a different essay lol.
   
10. Should we continue these questionnaires?
    
    Sure! I love talking about myself, even if no one reads it lol.

 

[bernard222]

@lindalee1456 I read every single one!! Love hearing everyone else’s life journey!

 

[slawbama]

@bernard222

1. We're waiting in order to get out of debt before we have kids, so we can be a one-income household.
2. I've been waiting for about 3 years for my SO to get ready. Now he's ready and were finally waiting together.
3. We'll start trying either when our debts are paid off or 9 months before they are scheduled to be. Estimated 2020.
4. He's excited to try but more patient and committed to the debt payoff plan than me.
5. Pay down debt, lose weight, get SOs parents moved out.
6. We might like to visit Hawaii again, though this is likely to be either our honeymoon or a ttc start trip.
7. Several of my friends know our timeline, and the more people I tell the more I'm surprised by the amount of support I get.
8. I hope that I can continue to improve my ability to be frugal, my fitness, and learn more about childhood development. I'm actually considering getting my associates in early childhood education. I'm afraid of just wasting my next 2-3 years just pining over babies.
9. I hope I don't have any issues conceiving, and I'm afraid I will.
10. Yes!

 

[katrina2017]

@bernard222 1. Why are you waiting?

I just had a baby.

2. How long have you been waiting?

Not long- three months.

3. When will you start trying?

April 2018 (whatever that cycle is)

4. How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?

My SO put the ball in my court. He said we can start whenever I want.

5. What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?

• Breastfeed for at least one year (or close)
• Find a job working from home
• Get back into my temping rythmn

6. Any trips or vacations you'd like to take before TTC?

Nope!

7. Does anyone in your personal life know about your timeline?

My mom knows. Nobody else.

8. What are your hopes and fears about waiting?

I don't have any.

9. What are your hopes and fears about TTC?

Miscarrying or getting pregnant too quickly.

10. Should we continue these questionaires?

Absolutely.

 

[andraus]

@bernard222

1) Why are you waiting?

I'm waiting to get married. It seems every woman in my family has had a baby out of wedlock so I really want to try to "do it the right way" but at this point I think it's more about knowing my SO is committed. He has a ring but is taking his good ol' time.

2) How long have you been waiting?

About a year.

3) When will you start trying?

Birth control is going out the window on the wedding night but we'll probably be more NTNP for a few months.

4) How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?

He's said everything is up to me and he'll follow my lead.

5) What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?

Lose weight, finish my associates degree, get married.

6) Any trips/vacations you'd like to take before TTC?

I'm a firm believer that kids don't get in the way for trips. I'd like to go to the UK in a few years but I think I could do that with a baby in tow.
Edit: let me specify that I mean this for my SO and I. Other people are different.

7) Does anyone in your personal life know about your wait/TTC timeline?

My best friend knows. Everyone else just pesters us about "when are you guys getting married?!"

8) What are your hopes and fears about waiting?

My hopes are that I'll get healthier.
My fears are that I'll learn I'm infertile and wasted all this time waiting.

9) What are your hopes and fears about TTC?

I hope we're able to conceive quickly but I think that's everyone's dream.
My fear is that my boyfriend's low libido will prevent us from trying. I fear we end up having to do IVF which is an expensive and emotional draining road.

10) Should we continue these questionnaires?

Maybe once a month would be good so we can get to know the newbies and they can get to know us.

 

[johnnyleon]

@andraus I'm sick of hearing "do all your travelling before kids!" - as if we need more reasons to wait! Not helpful.

I also hope we'll be able to adapt how we travel to accommodate children

 

[saravr]

@andraus

I'm a firm believer that kids don't get in the way for trips. I'd like to go to the UK in a few years but I think I could do that with a baby in tow.

People can still travel for sure but depending on one's situation and the kind of trips they like to take, it's not necessarily the same trips. Travelling with my partner is different from travelling solo; our family trips will also be different from our romantic trips. Luckily, I love all kinds of trips.

 

[andraus]

@saravr Perhaps I should rephrase that to that I don't believe a baby would affect my SO's and I's trips. We're pretty boring. I don't like to drink and he can't because of a medical condition. In fact because of his medical condition he can't do anything too exciting. Like, we go to the beach every other year and when we do he can only swim in the ocean for 20 minutes before he gets too fatigued.

Other peoples lives are different and it could affect the type of trips they make. I know my best friend missed drinking on their annual camping trip when she was pregnant and breastfeeding so in her scenario having kids did change that.

 

[koroman]

@andraus We're also in the 'babies won't massively affect our trips' camp, sure maybe we'd have to stay in one place and not do multi site holidays, but everything else would be fine. Also the UK isn't going to be too baby unfriendly, unlike taking a 3 week trek through the alps or something!

 

[saravr]

@andraus Yeah, it depends on the couple. We don't drink either. Just the shift from a couple trip to a family trip is a difference to me, but I understand others might feel differently.

 

[britebore]

@andraus I'm a firm believer of this as well! There are a few trips we want to take before kids (by we I mean my husband.) Overall, I don't think I'll have any trouble switching from a "couples" trip to a "family" trip. Will I be able to go to Punta Cana and get absolutely trashed and sit by the pool all day like I did on my honeymoon? Nah, but that's okay. I'm more than happy to do family friendly things and structure things around the baby. It's really no big. Plus, once they get a bit older they'll have things they'll be interested in and that'll just add to the fun!

A big reason my husband and I only want one kid in my 20s is because one kid is super easy to take in tow. It's cheap to take one kid with us everywhere we go. Once I get into my late 20's to early 30s we're to revisit the topic. We will for sure want more since I've wanted a big family my whole life. It'll just depend on if I want one or two more bio kids before we start looking at international adoption (another lifelong dream of mine!)

 

[saravr]

@bernard222

1. I have a health issue preventing us from TTC.
2. Hard to tell. Maybe 2-3 years and more.
3. Whenever my health issue is resolved.
4. He is impatient and worried about aging while still not being a father. He turned 35 this year which was the age before which he thought we would be done having kids, so that was not a happy milestone for him.
5. Be more healthy mentally and physically. Lose as much weight as possible. Be better with administrative tasks like paperwork, taxes and shit.
6. No, we took our "last big couple trip" or babymoon in 2016 - planned when we thought we'd TTC sooner. Our families live far and it's expensive to go, which means that we have to alternate vacations, visits to his family and visits to hers. This year was my side with a great trip to France and next will be his side. To compensate, we took a mini side solo trip during our visit to my family - 5 days in Normandy - and I'm going to suggest we make it a habbit.
7. No since we don't have one. My dad knew we wouldn't try before april 2016 for maternity leave reasons, which he initially took to mean "you'll have a grandkid by january 2017 for sure". He has realized life is a little more complicated than that by now.
8. That I'll never be cured.
9. That we won't be able to conceive, that it will be long and stressful, that having sex on a schedule will be hard or unfeasible for us, that I will have a miscarriage.
10. YEAH!

 

[joiner12]

@bernard222 I'm really enjoying these but I feel so boring compared to some!

1. We're waiting because we're still quite young and would like to get married first. I also want to develop my career a bit more.
2. We've not been waiting all that long. We got engaged in February and I started getting a bit crazed then. It got a lot worse when we had a scare and when I realised it was negative, I felt really disappointed. That kind of opened the flood gates a bit.
3. Were probably going to start trying after our wedding so October/November 2018.
4. He's happy with waiting. He really likes kids and is excited to have them but he's definitely the more level headed one and he's happy with our timeline.
5. Firstly we want to get married. I want to lose weight (about 30lbs) and start running. We also want to have more savings, maybe six months wages.
6. I really want to go to Iceland! I'd love to see the Northern Lights. I also want to visit Ireland and Scotland. My SO isn't a big holiday guy so I might have to force this!
7. Nobody really knows which is quite isolating. If I mention babies to anyone I just get told I'm too young (24). It's quite sad because I want to talk to people other than my SO about it.
8. I'm excited for getting healthier and for our wedding. I guess I don't have any fears with waiting? There's always the fear that something could happen to one of us health wise or career wise that would set us back.
9. I'm hoping for a relaxed TTC time, mainly just NTNP rather than temping etc. Though I'm scared one of us will end up with fertility issues because we've never fallen pregnant in 7.5 years. I know we shouldn't because I'm on HBC but still!
10. Yes! It feels good getting it all out.

 

[pazova]

@joiner12

2 was my situation as well! Also, Iceland is a very cool country. Even if you don't see the lights, just driving around the country is amazing!​

 

[schlappy]

@bernard222 Why are you waiting?

Our Life Script [sup]TM[/sup] was always marriage house and kids. So we got married, closed on our house earlier this year and are now starting on the kids.
How long have you been waiting?

Not long since we seriously started discussing having a baby.
When will you start trying?

We originally said sometime next year meaning January/ February but it depends on when my cycle regulates itself after stopping HBC
How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?

He's the one who brought up having a kid within the next year, so he's pretty on board with the kid thing. I just think he's a little nervous, and I tend to go overboard with things, so trying to remain patient with my waiting.
What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?

House fixer upper things, we need to remove the carpet in what will be the baby's room and refinish the floors. Save more money, since we can't afford for one of us to stop working and need to put our baby in daycare. Getting my health in check, which is mostly accomplished I just need to stick with it.
Any trips/vacations you'd like to take before TTC?

No just because we're working on saving money for our baby/ daycare. We already planned a trip to NYC in January for a concert.
Does anyone in your personal life know about your wait/TTC timeline?

Only my BFF knows that we're seriously going to be TTC, I've only mentioned small things to my Mom just because she can sometimes be overbearing and I'd rather tell her when I'm pregnant, than when we're trying.
What are your hopes and fears about waiting?

Mainly issues conceiving. I'm worried that waiting will set us back if we can't conceive quickly. I know the average is about 6 cycles.
What are your hopes and fears about TTC?

Again infertility. I've only ever been with my hubby and we've never had any accidents so that kind of makes me worried about our ability to conceive.
Should we continue these questionnaires?

I think so, it provides content for the sub, helps us to get to know each other better, and keeps us all busy during our waits.

 

[pazova]

@bernard222

1. We would like to have a bigger house, so we are in the process of saving for a down payment
2. Since January of this year
3. Summer 2019
4. Waiting doesn't bother him. The only thing that bothers him is me bothering him haha (which I'm really trying to cut back on).
5. Have my dogs better trained, travel, buy a bigger house
6. I would like to take one last trip with my girlfriends, and DH planning a big trip (hopefully to New Zealand) next fall.
7. Just my mom and best friend. My other friends wouldn't understand.
8. My fear is how much baby fever effects me. I can be fine and then one little trigger and my mood changes completely.
9. My biggest fear in life is that I will be unable to conceive. This makes waiting that much harder.
10. Sure!

 

[timothyjorgensen]

@bernard222

1. Planned vacation summer 2018, save for down payment on a house and a larger buffer in the emergency fund.
2. I guess you could say our whole lives or since we met. More so getting really excited about it in the last year or so.
3. Summer/Fall 2018.
4. He is good with the timeline.
5. A. Vacation. B. Save money for down payment and emergency fund. C. Enjoy more us time before things are crazy with kid(s).
6. Yes, vacation next summer.
7. Yeah, a few people know a general idea.
8. Waiting is so slow, not knowing how things will go makes me worried about waiting so long only to find out we have issues. When to get off HBC so I won't be pregnant for vacation but can be pregnant basically right after. Will I have issues with my cycle and being able/ready to conceive?
9. How long will it take to conceive? I like to plan so I want it to be fast right when I want it to happen. That doesn't seem to be so much something I can control and that drives me crazy. How will my mental health suffer during the roller coaster of trying to get pregnant and finding out again nope not this month. What if we suffer loss, health issues, early birth, can't have kids? I need to know everything will be ok but I won't for many months/years. I'm also concerned how it will affect our relationship and sexy times. Will it make it more a chore and less of what it is now?
10. Yes

 

[lostgirl28]

@bernard222 Man, I keep missing the boat! But I'm loving reading everyone's answers and getting to know you all a little better
1. We are waiting for the paper work to go through that will put DH on full time sans temp contract with his work, and to buy a house.
2. We have been waiting about a year and a half
3. Out current TTC date is July-August 2018
4. DH is excited, of it were up to him we'd start trying now, but understands why we should wait.
5. Top 3 goals would probably be 1. Get DH rolled over at work, 2. Buy a house. 3. Get in shape
6. DH wants to have a "babymoon" before we TTC, he would like to go on a ski trip, I'd like to go back to New Mexico, but I could wait until after TTC
7. My best friend who is also WTTC until her husband comes back from deployment and my sister-in-law. Other than that is all pretty vauge "one day, maybe next year"
8. My hopes for waiting is to learn as much as I can and research all the things that scare me. My fears for waiting is probably being so type A that I never feel like it'll be a good time to try
9. My hopes for TTC is that it'll be quick and easy (and if I'm honest, to not have a December baby, but getting pregnant would still be amazing no matter when I'm due) my fears are learning DH or I could be infertile, or have other issues they could prevent us from concieving.
10. Yes! Please I love reading everyone answers and it seems easier, to me at least, to share with you all this way.

 

[anonymouspractioner]

@bernard222

1. We are waiting to take a big trip in December, and because my husband needs a little more time to get comfortable with the idea of children, seeing as he’s in his 40s and has held a baby literally twice.
2. We’ve been waiting about a year since we first had a talk about having kids, but I have been eager to have a child for the past six years— even before I met my husband.
3. January 2018 or bust.
4. He’s totally comfortable waiting (he is the reason we are waiting), and wants to try but is also terrified of upending our honestly very nice DINK lifestyle with shrieking little things.
5. Absolutely no goals. Seriously. Ducks are all in a row. Maybe buy a house but in our high housing cost area, our rental apartment is a steal right now and spacious enough for a baby.
6. Yes! We are going somewhere more than a 12 hour flight from home this December. Somewhere it would be hard to take kids to.
7. Not really. My mom wrung a hint out of me by pointedly asking if we were going to X country or Y country on our upcoming trip, and I kept saying no, and she asked why, and I stumbled, and she said, “Oh is it because of Zika?” Mommmmm...
8. I fear infertility and chromosomal abnormalities due to my age (36).
9. See #8, and add fear of miscarriage + fear of having to make termination decisions due to fetal abnormalities.
10. Yes they are pretty fun, and it’s nice to get to know folks.