@mercuryash My daughter is 8, I think the worst is no adult conversation is safe. She has to chime in even when I kick her out of the room so I can talk to either my husband, mother in law or one or the other. Just once I want an adult conversation without an 8 year old who thinks she’s 13 chiming in.
What’s your worst part of being a one and done parent?
- Thread starter mercuryash
- Start date
@chrisc17 For what it's worth, my 9 year old nephew does the same thing and he has a sibling. He's always eavesdropping and ready to chime in even when he's not meant to be listening. Drives my sister crazy! I think some kids just really enjoy listening in on the "secret discussions" of adults.
tanananana
New member
katrina2017
New member
@tanananana An option could be to have conversations that are just one parent with the child and that the other parent can't/isn't allowed to join this time. This is to model that it's ok to do it that way in different dynamics and it isn't harming the family group.
@mercuryash My ex left us at around the time my son turned one. I missed his toddler years working long hours to support us. It still breaks my heart. I don’t want anymore kids, i already had my tubes removed, but i wish I could go back and enjoy each day with him.
innerfire89
New member
@mercuryash Oh yes totally get you. Sometimes screen time happens coz I just need a break. For us we bring him out pretty often just to get fresh air and a change in scenery (and it also keeps him occupied)!
@mercuryash I’m a working mom- part time. When I have time off, I have to have it planned or else I get anxious or stir crazy. I don’t know why. I have to get out usually in the mornings cuz it wakes me up. Then the afternoons before hubby gets home is usually tv running in the background.
We put a TV in the main room. I just have Ms Rachel playing in the background. Game changer- for ME! I dno, something calming about having someone else in the room. My daughter doesn’t even watch her the majority of the time, she’s playing, then a song comes on and dances, then back to play.
I don’t feel so lonely and anxious.
It’s a really weird phenomenon.
We put a TV in the main room. I just have Ms Rachel playing in the background. Game changer- for ME! I dno, something calming about having someone else in the room. My daughter doesn’t even watch her the majority of the time, she’s playing, then a song comes on and dances, then back to play.
I don’t feel so lonely and anxious.
It’s a really weird phenomenon.
bozotheclown
New member
@mercuryash Same exact issue here. My son is 8 and he doesn't really have friends he can hang out with after school so as soon as I walk in the door after work it's "mommy will you play with me?!" until bedtime.
He does have friends he has playdates with on the weekend but after school he has no one. Sometimes he plays Roblox or on the VR with his cousins, but if they aren't available I'm the assumed playmate. He struggles to play by himself.
He does have friends he has playdates with on the weekend but after school he has no one. Sometimes he plays Roblox or on the VR with his cousins, but if they aren't available I'm the assumed playmate. He struggles to play by himself.
@mercuryash My only keeps talking about wishing he was a big brother... How do I explain why he won't be?!
jazzanarchy
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@mercuryash This is the hardest part for me, too. Mine just turned 5 and I'm running out of play-time ideas. I feel drained. He's my world and an adorable little boy, it's just that I don't know how to entertain him anymore
jasonavery08
New member
@mercuryash That's it's not really a choice, I'm 99% one and done because of my physical and mental disability would prevent me from being a good mom to multiple kids. I also couldn't have the life that I want for our family and my mental health would worsen.
I'm bitter that my health is robbing me of yet another big, happy life choice. I wish I was the kind of woman who can manage a big family. The good times with multiple seem lovely... but it's unsustainable to have more than one kid in my situation. Maybe it will change in the future and I'll adopt or get pregnant again... but I doubt it. The reality of parenthood nowadays are not compatible with my temperament and health.
I'm bitter that my health is robbing me of yet another big, happy life choice. I wish I was the kind of woman who can manage a big family. The good times with multiple seem lovely... but it's unsustainable to have more than one kid in my situation. Maybe it will change in the future and I'll adopt or get pregnant again... but I doubt it. The reality of parenthood nowadays are not compatible with my temperament and health.
@mercuryash Still being mentally and physically drained and unable to give my daughter what she socially and physically needs. I would've been better off not having any. My kid is a fairly happy kid and very bright but she can be isolated and lonely because I don't play with her enough. I also can't drive so I can't get her out enough. This has also affected her physical health. I'm learning yoga so I can try to do yoga with her and encourage her to be healthier. She has weak back and core muscles because of me. I worry about her health. I give her good nutrition but not enough physical involvement. I want to be better. Parent or not. Depression and chronic fatigue is rough
I sometimes think her health might've been better with another cause she would be moving around and playing with another kid. But who knows where my mental health would be.
I sometimes think her health might've been better with another cause she would be moving around and playing with another kid. But who knows where my mental health would be.
@mercuryash I heard the peanut app is a good way to meet people. The worst part? Getting no sleep when they are sick.
@mercuryash Being the main source of entertainment is a huge one for me. I’m really bad at creative play and whenever I did it was always “mom you’re doing it wrong!” And it gets really old really fast. My daughter is 13 and at the age where she should be wanting to hang out with friends and not mom but she is obsessed with me and hanging out with me and gets mad when I want to go do my own thing with my friends. Every weekend she asks me what “we” are doing for the weekend. I then say “idk, what are you doing this weekend?” She doesn’t have a social life outside of school and it breaks my heart because she just sits at home every night and weekend. She did NOTHING during spring break. I asked her why she didn’t make any plans and she just shrugged her shoulders. She had one plan to go to a cool NERF place we have around us with some friends but when the day came to go I didn’t hear anything. So I asked her when she needed a ride and she said they weren’t going anymore. I don’t know if that’s true but I feel like her friends all still went and she just blew them off to stay home and do nothing. I’m not ready for summer break because she doesn’t do anything during breaks and gets bored but won’t make plans with friends. It’s really frustrating because she is always here and my husband get 0 time alone with each other. And her spending all her time around us makes her think she gets to join in on our conversations and have a say in the things that happen in our house. I have to constantly remind her that she isn’t the adult and doesn’t get to make the decisions around here. It’s just hard with one because you get 0 alone time and have to be a constant form of entertainment.
@mercuryash Yes!! No one talks about this and it’s really challenging. When we’re around other kids, I can have adult conversations and I love seeing her act silly. I live far from family, so it’s a real challenge.
The second thing is a weird perception that I’m not a mom because I “only have one.” I feel weirdly inadequate because of these comments. I worry they think I didn’t like being a mom & feel weird around moms of multiples.
The second thing is a weird perception that I’m not a mom because I “only have one.” I feel weirdly inadequate because of these comments. I worry they think I didn’t like being a mom & feel weird around moms of multiples.
prater2003
New member
@mercuryash I find it to be people's shaming towards being one and done and constant requests for another. The shaming and pressure usually are from women. But I just know they are jealous of my healthy and happy balance that I consciously choose for myself instead of giving into society pressures to be head deep, constant chaos and no breaks. I'm definitely happy of moving forward and not having a repeat. My marriage is as healthy as it could be with when you add child into the mix. We are both sterilized by choice within the first year, our child was born and Big proud of it. Definitely no adding unnecessary stress that will hinder our romantic life for good to please third parties that will bare none of the responsibility. One is more than enough. But you know, misery demands company so people will pressure you because they persive you as still having it easier than them. It is not about no kid because if it was why would anyone want people that don't want it to have it anyway and pressure them into it so that the poor kids can end up unloved, in the system, touched and whatnot because the person didn't want it in the first place or couldn't afford them let alone take care of such a Huge responsibility.
caseyluvsdisney
New member
@mercuryash Honestly, that it wasn't my call to make. I was content being one and done prior to having my daughter. I'll never feel content because I knew when I held her I was meant to have a second but my husband wouldn't even delay the vasectomy until I could get therapy and come to terms with it because he wanted "worry free sex". In the throws of post partum he made the decision despite my concerns and it's ruined our sex life. Strait up shotgun at close range to my desire for him. I don't think I'll ever be able to move past it, but I don't want to rip my family apart over it either.
@caseyluvsdisney Would be curious to follow this as your relationship progresses. I am in the same situation, but roles are reversed. Have you gone to couples counseling about it?
caseyluvsdisney
New member
@citrusite We need to, just to see if it helps, but I don't think it would change much. We're able to talk about it civilly, but I'm still stuck with feeling like I'm not being true to what I want, or pushing my husband into something he doesn't want. There's no good solution, I just wish we would have gone to therapy before he made the decision for us.