@mercuryash For me, it's that my husband and I are never alone. lol She's here 24/7 because she prefers it. She doesn't do any hobbies outside of the house, doesn't have any clique of friends (which I'm really ok with, honestly) and she often listens to our conversations and then chimes in. I have to yell at her a time or two to remind her that not ALL Mommy and Daddy conversations are for her ears, or to participate in!
@perksyshirl61 My 13 year old is like that. She thinks she gets to have a say in things that don’t concern her. I have to get after her for it all the time and remind her that she is not an adult and does not get to make the decisions around here.
@mercuryash Oh man I feel this! I’m the default playmate whenever I’m home compared to my husband.
I do try to set up blocks of time for quality uninterrupted play and then also times where I have to do something and she can entertain herself. Timers help a lot. I also encourage things that I like doing too: eg don’t mind colouring/drawing, playing with Lego or play doh, etc. And outside time is always nice. Or some kind of outing for a change of scenery and maybe a 20 min drive (which feels like a break haha). She also likes being given jobs at home and responds really well to being trusted to do something all by herself (like fold some simple laundry etc).
We don’t have many friends with kids around and our neighborhood doesn’t have the “young families” vibe. It can get verrrry tiring sometimes. You’re definitely not alone.
@mercuryash I find it the most difficult once she’s grown that I don’t have a large family coming home for Christmas that I can cook for, or when we die that she doesn’t have anyone to share the memories with. Basically I want three adult children in 20 years but I can only handle one actual child at a time lol
@slibhin There was a thread on this sub where we poked holes in the “imagine your table at Christmas in 10 years” advice. We found… a lot of holes in it It might be helpful to read through it. But I totally get it and often feel the same way. I really idolized what life with three kids would look like and now I have to reimagine everything with one.
Fwiw I was a very happy only and holidays have been lovely. I moved away for career opportunities and my parents have always traveled to me and explored whatever city Im living in. We usually all cook pieces of the meal. We drink a lot of wine and adopt any friends that aren’t near family. Now with my husband, baby, and our pets it feels plenty festive and we have a fun time trying out new traditions and recipes without having to always keep things the same or please/coordinate with a bunch of people!! Part of why I’m only having one is that I realized how much I enjoy and am used to having everything peaceful and harmonious whereas what I have heard from parents with multiples is that holidays can be a lot of stress, tension, and unmet expectations.
@slibhin My plan for that is to "adopt" my daughter's friends...hopefully she will find a partner so that's 2 adult kids over for the holidays. Then maybe the "this is my college friend who can't afford to fly home, can they come for Thanksgiving?" and yes, I will find my multiple adult children! Haha then I guess the plan is to raise one kind, outgoing and compassionate child.
@slibhin Yeah I feel you 100% on this BUT to counterpoint I can’t stand most of my extended family so don’t feel too bad about it. Big families are messy and not the picture perfect hallmark shit you have in your head. Remember that!
@mercuryash The thing is though my husband is one of four children and we absolutely have the picture perfect hallmark family on his side! My side is a mess lmao but I’m an only so at least there are not a lot of people who annoy me
@mercuryash Feeling like I need to have my shit together. I come from a big family where they all have multiple kids and frequently it's like "your house is messy? Imagine if you had more than 1!". It feels like we shouldn't be poor or mentally unwell or have a badly behaved child because we only have 1, so she should be 'perfect'
@robertgreen92301 If you need someone else telling, I’ll do it - you don’t need to do it. You can always answer with “I have other priorities” or simply smile, nod and ignore. You chose. I came from a culture where women are shamed if the house is messy and I’m trying to change my own mindset so I know how deep this runs. But fuck them. You have your life and you do what you can and want. It’s nobody else business.
(I hope it helps, I’ll keep telling myself the same )
@mercuryash I mean I don't know if this is helpful at all but it would have been just as likely the kids would annoy each other and fight as it would be that they would entertain each other.
@shahinshahadot Totally, and came here to say I doubt the kids would entertain each other alllll day, and in fact would probably be trying to pull you in 2 different directions, both wanting you to play with them in different ways.
@mercuryash I was willing, but not able for complicated and painful reasons, to have more kids. The hardest part about one and done was when he said occasionally, or I could see, that he really would have been happy to have at least one sibling. He’s got a lot of love to give. Also he was quiet as a teenager, so he was alone a lot
@sycm I can tell my only would be an amazing brother. I feel sad for him that he will never experience the amazing siblingship I have with my little brother. Our choice to stop at one benefits him in so many ways, but that's one joy he won't experience.
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