Q+A Part 2: WTT

[janimelody]

@bernard222

1. Why? Mainly because I want to wait. I do want a child (a big change on a few years ago), but I don't feel quite ready either emotionally or physically to put myself through it all.
2. Not long. It was not something I thought about in earnest, or really felt a longing for, before we were married (July).
3. Probably next July or August (2018).
4. My SO is pretty indifferent to when we ttc. He doesn't want to have a infant in the household before next September (when we have to move),or to wait beyond 2019 (he's starting to get tetchy for a baby) but any time from February 2018 onwards is a ok with him.
5. Move - ideally buy a little 2bdrm condo in a good school district, but even just rent a 2bdrm there is fine. Travel - I'm dreaming of Botswana!! SO learns to cook - even just the basics is fine Immigration - get my 'advanced parole' travel approval.
6. OMG YES TRAVEL!! The Okavango Delta has skyrocketed to the top of my travel lust list, and is just the kind of place we want to go pre-ttc. July is the best month for us to go - I'd prefer June but we're in a wedding and my travel approval might not be in by then. Then ttc comes straight after that!
7. A couple of friends know, a bit. But I try not to rant to them tooooo much.

8 & 9. I have endometriosis, I'll be 33 when we ttc and my family has a history of having some difficulty conceiving (oh and a genetic connective tissue disorder). Despite that, I'm not too concerned about fertility issues, or even passing on my disability. My bigger concerns are how we'll cope with sleep deprivation, how my body and mind will cope with the hormones and physical changes, how I'll return to some level of fitness post-baby, and how we'll go as a couple with such a large change to our life! Basically, health and relationship type fears. Also, childbirth looks horrific.

1. Sure! I'd be interested to know more about our non-wtt lives if people want to share?

 

[lindalee1456]

@bernard222

1. Why are you waiting?
   
   Because we're scared, lol
   
2. How long have you been waiting?
   
   Well, my TTC Google Doc was created May 2016, so about 16 months lol.
   
3. When will you start trying?
   
   Current plan is ~January 2018, so 3-4 months. I can see that getting pushed out a smidge though.
   
4. How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?
   
   He's excited and nervous, just like me. I've done a ton more research though (aka subreddit stalking), so I feel like he doesn't even know what he doesn't know lol. Hence, timeline possibly getting pushed out.
   
5. What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?
   
   Uhhhh not much, really. I guess clean up my diet. Been trying to lose the same 10-30 pounds for a few years lol. I have a good exercise habit right now, so that's good. Our finances are meh, but we get by and have some savings.
   
6. Any trips/vacations you'd like to take before TTC?
   
   Done! We went to Europe for 2 weeks this summer and it was AHHHHHMAZING. That was like the big checkmark on our list
   
7. Does anyone in your personal life know about your wait/TTC timeline?
   
   Yeah, we bring it up to friends occasionally. I don't want to be too specific with most people. Especially our family. Too much pressure!
   
8. What are your hopes and fears about waiting?
   
   His grandparents are old and in poor health. We hope they will be able to meet the babby. I'm afraid of something big coming up to extend the wait.
   
9. What are your hopes and fears about TTC?
   
   I'm afraid of not being able to conceive. I hope it's fun and exciting and not draining and stressful. I'm afraid of DH telling too many people and having pressure from others. I hope my body off birth control is not wacky and crazy lol. I hope I'm able to maintain good habits during TTC to carry over to pregnancy (eating healthy, abstaining from alcohol and caffeine). Not even going to mention hopes and fears for pregnancy/motherhood! That's a different essay lol.
   
10. Should we continue these questionnaires?
    
    Sure! I love talking about myself, even if no one reads it lol.

 

[bernard222]

@lindalee1456 I read every single one!! Love hearing everyone else’s life journey!

 

[slawbama]

@bernard222

1. We're waiting in order to get out of debt before we have kids, so we can be a one-income household.
2. I've been waiting for about 3 years for my SO to get ready. Now he's ready and were finally waiting together.
3. We'll start trying either when our debts are paid off or 9 months before they are scheduled to be. Estimated 2020.
4. He's excited to try but more patient and committed to the debt payoff plan than me.
5. Pay down debt, lose weight, get SOs parents moved out.
6. We might like to visit Hawaii again, though this is likely to be either our honeymoon or a ttc start trip.
7. Several of my friends know our timeline, and the more people I tell the more I'm surprised by the amount of support I get.
8. I hope that I can continue to improve my ability to be frugal, my fitness, and learn more about childhood development. I'm actually considering getting my associates in early childhood education. I'm afraid of just wasting my next 2-3 years just pining over babies.
9. I hope I don't have any issues conceiving, and I'm afraid I will.
10. Yes!

 

[katrina2017]

@bernard222 1. Why are you waiting?

I just had a baby.

2. How long have you been waiting?

Not long- three months.

3. When will you start trying?

April 2018 (whatever that cycle is)

4. How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?

My SO put the ball in my court. He said we can start whenever I want.

5. What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?

• Breastfeed for at least one year (or close)
• Find a job working from home
• Get back into my temping rythmn

6. Any trips or vacations you'd like to take before TTC?

Nope!

7. Does anyone in your personal life know about your timeline?

My mom knows. Nobody else.

8. What are your hopes and fears about waiting?

I don't have any.

9. What are your hopes and fears about TTC?

Miscarrying or getting pregnant too quickly.

10. Should we continue these questionaires?

Absolutely.

 

[andraus]

@bernard222

1) Why are you waiting?

I'm waiting to get married. It seems every woman in my family has had a baby out of wedlock so I really want to try to "do it the right way" but at this point I think it's more about knowing my SO is committed. He has a ring but is taking his good ol' time.

2) How long have you been waiting?

About a year.

3) When will you start trying?

Birth control is going out the window on the wedding night but we'll probably be more NTNP for a few months.

4) How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?

He's said everything is up to me and he'll follow my lead.

5) What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?

Lose weight, finish my associates degree, get married.

6) Any trips/vacations you'd like to take before TTC?

I'm a firm believer that kids don't get in the way for trips. I'd like to go to the UK in a few years but I think I could do that with a baby in tow.
Edit: let me specify that I mean this for my SO and I. Other people are different.

7) Does anyone in your personal life know about your wait/TTC timeline?

My best friend knows. Everyone else just pesters us about "when are you guys getting married?!"

8) What are your hopes and fears about waiting?

My hopes are that I'll get healthier.
My fears are that I'll learn I'm infertile and wasted all this time waiting.

9) What are your hopes and fears about TTC?

I hope we're able to conceive quickly but I think that's everyone's dream.
My fear is that my boyfriend's low libido will prevent us from trying. I fear we end up having to do IVF which is an expensive and emotional draining road.

10) Should we continue these questionnaires?

Maybe once a month would be good so we can get to know the newbies and they can get to know us.

 

[johnnyleon]

@andraus I'm sick of hearing "do all your travelling before kids!" - as if we need more reasons to wait! Not helpful.

I also hope we'll be able to adapt how we travel to accommodate children

 

[saravr]

@andraus

I'm a firm believer that kids don't get in the way for trips. I'd like to go to the UK in a few years but I think I could do that with a baby in tow.

People can still travel for sure but depending on one's situation and the kind of trips they like to take, it's not necessarily the same trips. Travelling with my partner is different from travelling solo; our family trips will also be different from our romantic trips. Luckily, I love all kinds of trips.

 

[andraus]

@saravr Perhaps I should rephrase that to that I don't believe a baby would affect my SO's and I's trips. We're pretty boring. I don't like to drink and he can't because of a medical condition. In fact because of his medical condition he can't do anything too exciting. Like, we go to the beach every other year and when we do he can only swim in the ocean for 20 minutes before he gets too fatigued.

Other peoples lives are different and it could affect the type of trips they make. I know my best friend missed drinking on their annual camping trip when she was pregnant and breastfeeding so in her scenario having kids did change that.

 

[koroman]

@andraus We're also in the 'babies won't massively affect our trips' camp, sure maybe we'd have to stay in one place and not do multi site holidays, but everything else would be fine. Also the UK isn't going to be too baby unfriendly, unlike taking a 3 week trek through the alps or something!