@fadders Soo much this, as the oldest girl cousin I was in charge of sooo many small children and everything was my fault. I still don’t talk to most of my family. It was so so awful. I’ve been home twice in 11 years and regretted it immensely. I love my tiny one and done family and my son has never had to babysit by himself.
One and done because my partner will never carry the same mental and physical load when it comes to taking care of this child
- Thread starter kerithravine410
- Start date
@kerithravine410 They didn’t have a choice. Birth control was hard to get and marital coercion/rape wasn’t recognized.
kerithravine410
New member
@kerithravine410 Me too. It’s haunting.
@kerithravine410 Absolutely no one cared about womens mental health, that’s how.
You are a machine, do your job til you die, then your comfortable husband will simply buy a new machine.
You are a machine, do your job til you die, then your comfortable husband will simply buy a new machine.
@kerithravine410 My grandma on my moms side had 7 and my mom had 5 and there are just countless issues of generational trauma that have been passed down. It’s incredibly sad, but I think this right here is what people are talking about when they talk about “breaking the cycle”. We have to interrupt the cycle of abuse, neglect, trauma, whatever it is. Choose what’s the better choice for US, the birthers of the children. Do what our foremothers didn’t have the ability to do for themselves.
@kerithravine410 Before, people were raising their children in a multigenerational family. Women weren't working in the workforce because they already had a full-time job at home. Multiples women were there to give an hand in daily chores. Plus a literal village was there to support each other with the children. Your sisters, grandma, aunts, mom were there.
In the 50-70, when women started to be alone in those tasks, there were ads about "mom helpers" pills to help women cope with everything.
In the 50-70, when women started to be alone in those tasks, there were ads about "mom helpers" pills to help women cope with everything.
@kerithravine410 You already have 2 kids
@kerithravine410 Honestly good for you. I keep reading posts like this and the person is on their third kid and it’s like…what did you think would change??
@might Omg yes! I don’t get this AT ALL. Of all the couples I know personally, 99% of the husbands are basically useless when it comes to childcare or house chores, so why would you have more kids with them?! Are people so convinced that having an only child is such a horrible thing that they would rather go through a life of literal domestic slavery with multiples rather than being one and done?!
@paulrhys Right. And it’s so much harder to leave when you have more than one! When you have one, you can wait until the toddler years are over — and then leave when the kids goes to school. The light at the end of the tunnel is right there. I don’t know why you’d intentionally have another with someone who doesn’t help in the parent partnership.
Edit to add: plus it’s more financially feasible to raise one kid as a single parent!
Edit to add: plus it’s more financially feasible to raise one kid as a single parent!
dusmoprokuon
New member
@might THIS. Tbh I hear from sooo many women (and stats back it up) that their husbands who did mostly 50% of the house are tasks before kids become useless overnight. Women who did everything they could to choose good men. I don’t blame women when this happens. But I do lose patience when these women saw it after the first kid and then continued to have 2 more kids….
katrina2017
New member
@kerithravine410 My son is 5 months old and I haven’t had help during the night a single time. My s/o also has sat on the couch while my son screamed to the top of his lungs and cried to be picked up for comfort which prompted me to have to end my shower after 3 minutes and the response I got was, “He’s fine if he cries.” He was crying so loud and so hard that he was coughing and choking. He was not fine. It sucks so bad to not have help.
kerithravine410
New member
@katrina2017 My heart genuinely hurt to read that. What kind of person let’s their kid scream their head off and thinks “yeah it’s cool, babies cry”.
I hope you’ve found your better or pray that it comes to you, mama. We both deserve better.
I hope you’ve found your better or pray that it comes to you, mama. We both deserve better.
katrina2017
New member
@kerithravine410 My jaw dropped when he said that. Not sure why I would expect anything other than that though. My my heart hurt for my son in that moment too. I think all the time at least he has me. I’ll always be there in the middle of the night, I’ll always comfort him if he cries. I wish his dad was just, well, better. I have not found my better, but I pray it comes someday too and for you as well. Thank you 
jemfleming
New member
@kerithravine410 I don't think my relationship could survive that. My motto with incompetence is "if you don't know how to do it it's your SOLE RESPONSIBILITY until you excel at it. I'm a good teacher, and if you are willing to waste a lot of time in the beginning then eventually they get it and stop with that cop out. Or you break up.
suprattalljdm
New member
@kerithravine410 If a man's sole contribution to the family and to the relationship is being a dick, it's time to declutter and throw out the unnecessary parts.
@kerithravine410 Honestly this is why we are one and done as well. My husband says he isn't a mind reader just ask and it's like I'm not a mind reader either yet I know stuff around the house needs to be done.. it's not in my DNA to know what needs to be done lol I hate when he says just ask me for help.. when I do I'm met with eye rolls, sighs and I'll do it later.. then gets mad at me for being mad at him it's exhausting. When he goes to the shops with a shopping list he will call me to see what I want or for this or that I just don't get it. I work a full time job, so does he, he sleeps in on the weekends I wish my 2 year old would let me do that. He sleeps through the night saying our son slept really well no.. no he did not lol I was up several times but he doesn't hear it
He was great with my pregnancy and the birth but now no he doesn't want to
He was great with my pregnancy and the birth but now no he doesn't want to