One and done with an easy pregnancy and easy (so far) baby?

@breanne Are you me? Super easy pregnancy (did 4 IVF and had one miscarriage but after my 3rd transfer everything went super smoothly) super easy labor, easy 7 months old. Suffered PPD at 2 months old but now it’s better.

I want to be one and done but I feel guilty not to offer my baby a sibling. I myself have a younger brother, and we are not close at all, never was, so I feel weird about wanting to give her a sibling. At the same time, I want to be there for her 100%, to not divide my attention, to see her fully and to be the best mom I can.

I feel like wanting another only to give her a sibling is not a good reason. But I feel guilty
 
@breanne I feel the same. I feel super fulfilled with my little boy at just 4 weeks and I don’t feel the need or want for another. Of course this is the toughest experience I’ve ever had to endure, but that’s not the reason for my decision
 
@breanne I’m convinced there is no “easy” toddler lol. So don’t judge if you should have another because your kid is “easy” right now.

Your next kid may not be easy / not sleep / dietary issues etc. then you’ll be dealing with a toddler AND that. Only have a second if you really really want one 🙏🏼
 
@breanne My son was easy going too. I distinctly remember patting myself on the back for how easy 2 was.

Then he turned 3 😂

A day will come, many days in fact, where you thank the high heavens you’re only dealing with one. Learn to enjoy the easy parts my friend.
 
@breanne I don’t have any children, but my husband is an only child and he’s never wanted a sibling. He liked having all the attention and the peace and quiet in the home. He got his social interaction from friends and a cousin. There is no guarantee of having a good relationship with a sibling anyway.

Also, my mother always says that the first baby is an easy one to trick you into having a second! And the second is then always more of a handful (I am the second child haha). It’s not a law of course, but there is no guarantee that your hypothetical second baby would be as easy as the first one.

Just do you! If this feels like the right choice for you, I think it is a good one.
 
@breanne I adopted my only so super easy “pregnancy” 😂 My daughter was also a wonderful, sweet, easy baby. Then she became a toddler. Those years, combined with my useless ex-husband who basically made me do it all myself for 3 years, is the reason I’m OAD.
 
@breanne I worked in a daycare and we called those trap babies. They are wonderful children, easy babies, easy pregnancies. 9/10 we’d have a younger sibling come through eventually, and they would be much more exuberant. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing! But I’ve also had parents say “I don’t know where they get it from, older sibling isn’t like this at all!”
 
@breanne Why mess with perfection? IMO you’d be doing him a disservice by adding a sibling and taking away half or more of all the resources available to him (your time, attention, funds, etc). What if the second child had special needs of any sort and required extra care? You’ve then made your life exponentially harder (note: not less fulfilling, just harder) and will have way less resources for first child, almost guaranteed. I’ve seen that happen quite a bit.
 
@breanne Yep! We were OAD before pregnancy. Easy pregnancy for the most part and a pretty easy baby. I have zero interest in doing it ever again even though it’s been a breeze.

We did find out after my son was born there are some hereditary congenital heart defects that one of us carry (in process of figuring that out) and I don’t want to pass those on again and potentially have it increase in severity.
 
@breanne As an introvert, transitioning into parenthood was really hard. I get very, very little me time to decompress. I love my son so much, but can’t imagine what another would do to me mentally.

My husband and I are both only children. It’s a great childhood. We’re very close to our friends—whom you get to pick. Not all siblings like each other or are close growing up or in adulthood. Both my parents had poor relationships with their siblings.
 
@breanne I don't feel guilty at all. I'm grateful I got a wonderful pregnancy and a so far easy 21 month old. I don't want to risk messing everything up by adding a second child.
 
@breanne I feel this! I was one & done before even having my daughter, and my husband wasn’t, but since having her he now is — even though she’s been fairly easy and just soooo enjoyable.

We honestly look at each other all the time and say “damn, life feels good like this.” And I can’t honestly say that I’d feel that with two. I love being so present for every moment and stage. Our bb girl is sooo social regardless of all the comments and myths about OADs. I have no fear that we are nurturing her social life excellently. Whenever I question myself, I always try and reframe my thinking into what my bb does have instead of what she is “lacking”…
 
@breanne I had a somewhat difficult pregnancy (nausea, insomnia, restless legs) but a nice birth, after that ppd that needed treatment and a baby who was maybe a bit more difficult than not... That's not really the reason for us being OAD though, ever though it of course ends up in the "reasons to be OAD"-column. I just dont want any more kids. I dont feel that longing for another child, like some of my friends seem to.. we are perfectly happy with our only! I also feel guilt, and worry, but i just dont feel the longing to have another, if i did maybe i would brave the pregnancy-ppd-babyphase again, but I just dont want to ☺️
 
@breanne Absolutely! I had a very easy pregnancy (I was actually working out when I went into labor exactly on her due date!) and a lovely, spunky hilarious toddler that I adore.

I still don’t want another (for very similar reasons, I want to be able to focus on her, I adore how our family feels right now, and I don’t want caring for kids to become a stressful thing!)
 
@breanne We’re one and done and we decided that after we had him! He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us but also, babies are hard! And they take up a lot of your time. We both like our jobs and have hobbies, so honestly, we want to be able to remain 100% us and be able to be the best version of ourselves for our son, I don’t think we would be able to with more and we want to dedicate all the time to him. We also have pets and always had and are not willing to change that either, I grew up in a home that always had pets and loved it. I do have a sister, but she’s 9 years younger so I don’t feel like we got the benefit of playing together, and quite frankly, because of a lot of shit that went down in our family lives when we were little, I don’t think we started connecting properly until recently (over 20 years later). I have both only child and big family friends and there’s no correlation on their level of happiness or how good they are at socialising. Some of the people I know straight up detest or resent their siblings, there’s no guarantee they’ll get along. But I hope to teach and show our kid the importance of creating your own family through friends. I didn’t have the most stable family unit and building my own village meant I didn’t have to rely on toxic people in my life for support.
If someone calls me selfish, I think that’s just projecting, I know for a fact that this is the best choice for MY family and may be different for different people. If we ever change our minds it’s because we decided that we will have enough time and ourselves to give to yet another baby, but if we don’t ever feel that way, that’s ok too!
I also forgot to add, I had the easiest pregnancy and a relatively easy (at least for me) delivery and recovery, so definitely that’s not what putting me off!
 
@breanne I had a relatively easy pregnancy and had an easy baby who is now a relatively easy toddler. There's a few different reasons why we decided to be OAD.
  1. Some metaphor about walking away from the table when you won the jackpot. Edit: reading the comments I saw someone use this metaphor 😂
  2. Finances - if we had more, we'd likely have to get a bigger house and earn more money. we have a lot of flexibility and low stress right now with our finances and we would like to keep it that way
  3. Having a lot of kids similar ages nearby helps tremendously. My kid is never lonely.
  4. Our marriage - certainly the dynamic has changed since having kids but we still get a fair amount of time together
  5. Wanting to be fully present for my child (like you said)
I think my guilt and worry is dissuaded because for a large majority of my life I was an only. I don't ever remember thinking I needed a sibling to be able to play. I have a few half siblings that are significantly younger but it's definitely not the same.

With that being said I would say the best way to silence the worry and guilt is to.... not. Let yourself feel that. But also know that a feeling doesn't equal reality. Then proactively try to find playgroups for your kid. They don't need siblings to not be lonely. They need you to be a present parent and to have access to other children.
 
@breanne I am in a similar boat but with our 5 month old who is a delight and, so far, a great sleeper (aware that could change). I keep telling myself "you won't get as lucky the second time" which helps lol
 
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