My OBGYN laughed at me when I said I was OAD

[arseniusthesilent]

I had an appt with my OB last week because nothing down there has felt normal since I gave birth 6 months ago. Turns out I have a bunch of scar tissue that should get better with time/pelvic floor therapy/estrogen-heavy BC, so all's good there. BUT - my doctor asked me about multiples at the beginning of the appointment and this is how it went:

Dr. "So are you planning on having more kids?"

Me: "No, I'm done."

Dr. *laughs*

Me: "Why is that funny?"

Dr. "I hear it all the time"

Me: "I'm literally here because my kid shredded my vag. Why would I do that again? Is my pain funny to you?"

~Silence~

It's weird because he's a great doctor but what the F! He could've been more tactful.

 

[lovepr]

@arseniusthesilent I've read somewhere that parents forget the trauma of having a baby, that's why they tend to have more. I wouldn't doubt that your doctor has heard that before, but yeah, he could have been more delicate with his words.

 

[arseniusthesilent]

@lovepr Yep it’s called the halo effect, and I literally wrote my future self a letter in case I ever go on the fence. That’s how strongly I feel about one and done lol

 

[humbledbygrace89]

@arseniusthesilent Ive been told so many times “you’ll forget the pain”. Almost 4.5 years and I still remember crystal clear all of the back labor pain. Nope definitely haven’t forgotten what I imagine a hot iron rod twisting around in my spine would feel like lol

 

[gfbirch]

@humbledbygrace89 Ugh, I had back labor, too. Vomited multiple times before the epidural could be placed. Will not forget. Will not birth more children lol.

 

[humbledbygrace89]

@gfbirch The worst part was the anesthesiologist telling me I had to be perfectly still while she placed the epidural with the back labor contractions being constant. As soon as one passed, the next came on. I squeezed my husband’s hands while she placed it and I drew blood in his palms from digging my nails in. Will not birth more either lol. Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt

 

[gfbirch]

@humbledbygrace89 lollll

I have to say, I had an incredible nurse. She held me as the anesthesiologist worked...took a few times to get it right, but I remember that sweet, sweet relief!

 

[peachpits]

@gfbirch I remember the pain. And I'm the dad. I've never been squeezed quite as hard as that before.

Through the law of translational pain, that means it was a buttload and that I can just think of it as having kidney stones again, but saying "Hey, I should have another kidney stone, that sounds great".

 

[creationmakessense]

@peachpits I've had kidney stones, and I've given birth. The kidney stones were hands down more painful, but I'd choose them again over labour. They last a couple of weeks at most, and then they're a memory. Labour sets you up for a couple of months healing, if things go well, and then responsibility for at least 20 years.

I am happily one and done. She has an elder half sibling, so she is not an only, even if she is technically being raised as one because he is so much older. I also know my limits, and I am nicely at them. I might be able to adjust if I had another, but I don't know that. And I don't want to find out. As it stands, I know I am a good mother. I'm not perfect; no one is, but I still don't want to mess up a good thing.

 

[vera7]

@humbledbygrace89 The people who say ‘you forget the pain’ must not have had very painful births is all I can say. I had thirteen hours of induced intense 100/10 contractions in a busy ward overnight screaming into my pillow to avoid disturbing others being given paracetamol and told to have a bath for the ‘discomfort’ and refused pain relief because I ‘wasn’t in labour’ as I wasn’t dilating. Even typing that out has made my heart noticeably race. Yes, I do indeed have PTSD.

I will never forget that pain. I couldn’t. To this day I would rather die than go through that again. I just couldn’t do it. It still blows my mind I survived and I feel an unbelievable amount of rage towards the healthcare staff who stood by and did nothing. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through.

Still waiting to forget.

 

[fredmach]

@vera7 Oh you described almost exactly what happened to me too! Induction, hours and hours of very painful contractions, being told I can’t have pain relief because I‘m not dilating. The most miserable day/night of my LIFE. And no, I haven’t forgotten either, thankyouverymuch.

 

[untamedlion33]

@humbledbygrace89 I've actually forgotten the physical pain already, but I still remember the desperation of being trapped in a situation where I was in such excruciating pain, the epidural didn't work and the only way out was to go through it. It was the worst hours of my life and I never want to do it again.

 

[popsey37]

@humbledbygrace89 I’ve forgotten the pain but I’ll never forget the way the providers mistreated me - that pain lasted

 

[joseph92]

@humbledbygrace89 11 years here and YEP. I really did think I'd forget. I asked my mother why she ever birthed me (second kid) and she said "you kind of just forget the pain" she had no pain relief for me or my sibling for our births. I assumed that would happen to me as well but it sure did not. I still remember trying not to freak out, how horrible it was and my epidural worked (once I got one).

 

[peterh99]

@joseph92 I think people who really want a second probably put it to the back of their mind. Plus even though you had pain relief and she didn't, people's body's are different and they feel pain differently and experience different levels of pain. I asked for an epidural but didn't get one and was crawling out of my skin with the pain for 4 hours. I think I would be happy to do it again if I wanted a second like I wanted my first. I felt fine the second I started to push and knowing that I went through that and then was instantly fine again made it much less scary in retrospect - so probably the postpartum recovery makes a big difference too. But I don't want a second.

 

[zackfemmy]

@humbledbygrace89 Thirteen years ago here. I had no epidural and I remember every minute of the labour, unlike most events in my life. That pain was not the main reason I only had one, but you bet the thought of going through all that again was certainly a factor. (I was too scared of getting a needle in my spine. My sister had a bad experience with one of hers.)

 

[igorwulff]

@humbledbygrace89 mine felt like someone had grabbed each side of the inside of my pelvis and was pulling it apart, I'm never forgetting the pain and panic lmao

 

[endtimeservant777]

@arseniusthesilent I remember a very distinct moment about 3 months after my son was born and I was in the thick of it. I was sitting on the toilet and said to myself: you might consider having another one in the future. Remember this moment and don't.
I've stuck to it, never again hah

 

[rethink88]

@arseniusthesilent I made videos of the nights where I was about to smash my head into a wall and wanted to cry (some nights I did) from how frustrating it was. I do look back and wish I could cuddle my newborn while she's sleeping but then the screaming and nights of no sleep would wake me up again.

 

[baptist4life]

@arseniusthesilent Yes! I made myself a video reminder while I was preggo LOL