I fell while holding my 3 y.o. Niece.. would you ever forgive me if I was your SIL?

[bigphi008]

Would you ever forgive your SIL? I was walking with her and holding her 3 y.o. In the dark stupidly bc niece wouldn’t put on shoes and fell over a 2” dip in the sidewalk.. I luckily broke the fall and skinned my knees, face, and hands up raw. Niece had no pain she said but was “scared” I feel horrible.. she had one tiny scrape on her ankle but was jumping up and down laughing after.

I can’t stop thinking about how much worse it could’ve been. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for being so stupid. I am getting married next month and want kids so badly, but I feel so bad for endangering her even though it was an accident. I feel I was dangerously careless and clumsy.

Are these incidents, thoughts, feelings normal? Does it ever get easier?

SIL was very kind. Did not freak out on me and tried to make me feel better saying niece cut herself up worse falling this week but I still hate myself rn.

Edit to Add: I clearly found the most loving/amazing side of Reddit and you are all phenomenal parents who I wish I had had. Seriously wonder how much easier life would’ve been if I had heard your words of patience and forgiveness growing up.

 

[andykc]

@bigphi008 Yes I would forgive you. 3 year olds fall a lot on their own. Haha. If you didn't fall, she totally could have anyway. It's okay. Don't beat yourself up.

 

[bigphi008]

@andykc Thank you. I thought I was so ready for parenthood but this was terrifying! Her Mom and Dad were so sweet recounting all the times they’ve accidentally clunked their kids’ heads on the wall, but I can’t shake the guilt yet.

 

[andykc]

@bigphi008 We all do it, even mom and dad. They're so right. It's normal to feel guilty. It's going to pass though.

 

[adawn2002]

@bigphi008 Frankly, the fact you feel this guilty about it is a good indicator that you're more ready than you think lol. Bad parents wouldn't care like this.

Your brother & SIL are telling you about the times they've bonked the kids around to help you feel better (because it totally happens more than most people want to admit), but I guarantee you they still feel bad every time it happens. They just have enough experience now to not feel this crushed by guilt for each minor bump.

Both my kids have had much worse injuries than a little scrape. Many of which could have been prevented by a little more vigilance on my/their dad's part... but you learn from those experiences and so do they. You can't protect littles from every injury.

Maybe next time you'll insist on your niece putting on her shoes and walking herself, and she'll end up tripping on the same patch of sidewalk and faceplant anyway. All you can do is keep trying.

 

[raika]

@bigphi008 Yep my kid clunked the wall more times than i can count. He also rolled off bed when he was just 4-6 m old i still feel a bit guilty about that one but he is all well. My mom dropped my bro when he was 1, my friend has 4 kids and each of them had fallen off bed, eating chair (which is quite higher than bed) or her arms at some point in first 2 years of life.....these things happen a lot more than we think. Sure its horrible feeling but if the kid is ok (and they are suprisingly resilient!) there is no reason to keep beating yourself. You arent a bad parent. These things happen. You have them 24/7 all their life, there are BOUND to be moments when they get hurt even if you try your best

 

[rebekah62]

@bigphi008 My almost 2 year old has fallen off my bed multiple times. She got moved from her crib to a toddler bed about 2 months ago, because she hates the crib and playpen. She is still in our room because of her allergies and if she has a accidental exposure we want her with us. She likes to crawl into our bed after we put her down, 3 to 4 hours before we go to bed and she rolls a ton in her sleep. There are fairly often booms in our house of her rolling off the dang thing in her sleep. We have just gotten in the habit of laying some blankets on the floor right there, which helps sometimes. Sometimes there are no blankets because she moved them.

She also regularly kisses the ground because she gets distracted while she walks and trips. Over cracks in the concrete, the toy she just threw and was going to get, her own shoes, the cats, or thin air. Mondays are really fun right now because my family has a ton of spring babies, and we've had at least one birthday party every weekend for over a month now. The oldest of these monsters is 12, the youngest doesn't turn one until September and we also had 3 that turned or are turning, one right now. My LO likes to try and keep up with her older cousins, and they do try to slow down for her and the other littles, but Mondays are me walking her into daycare going 'OK, she has this and that scrape, and these are her new bruises' and her teachers at this point are just asking how many birthdays we had.

Kids mess themselves up often. More active and adventurous kids even more so. As a preschool teacher, so working with 3, 4, and 5 year olds, we have kids that when the bruise and scrape themselves, their parents have literally resigned themselves to asking if it's serious enough that they should pick them up early and have them check out by a doctor, and just asking their child if they had fun. Some of them get multiple reports daily because of their own actions.

Also, good job on asking her how she was and validating that it was scary!

 

[rebekah62]

@bigphi008 My almost 2 year old has fallen off my bed multiple times. She got moved from her crib to a toddler bed about 2 months ago, because she hates the crib and playpen. She is still in our room because of her allergies and if she has a accidental exposure we want her with us. She likes to crawl into our bed after we put her down, 3 to 4 hours before we go to bed and she rolls a ton in her sleep. There are fairly often booms in our house of her rolling off the dang thing in her sleep. We have just gotten in the habit of laying some blankets on the floor right there, which helps sometimes. Sometimes there are no blankets because she moved them.

She also regularly kisses the ground because she gets distracted while she walks and trips. Over cracks in the concrete, the toy she just threw and was going to get, her own shoes, the cats, or thin air. Mondays are really fun right now because my family has a ton of spring babies, and we've had at least one birthday party every weekend for over a month now. The oldest of these monsters is 12, the youngest doesn't turn one until September and we also had 3 that turned or are turning, one right now. My LO likes to try and keep up with her older cousins, and they do try to slow down for her and the other littles, but Mondays are me walking her into daycare going 'OK, she has this and that scrape, and these are her new bruises' and her teachers at this point are just asking how many birthdays we had.

Kids mess themselves up often. More active and adventurous kids even more so. As a preschool teacher, so working with 3, 4, and 5 year olds, we have kids that when the bruise and scrape themselves, their parents have literally resigned themselves to asking if it's serious enough that they should pick them up early and have them check out by a doctor, and just asking their child if they had fun. Some of them get multiple reports daily because of their own actions.

Also, good job on asking her how she was and validating that it was scary!

 

[lalaland777]

@andykc Would you forgive your SIL if it were your baby? I would feel bad also, but kids fall all the time and even though they seem fragile, God made them tough!!!

 

[minimoe]

@bigphi008 Totally would forgive you. It happens to even the most experienced parents, let alone someone who isn't used to schlepping a toddler around on the regular. Yes, you always feel guilty about it. Yes, it subsides.

Assuming you weren't drinking or wearing massive stilettos you can't walk in normally, you have literally no blame due in this situation. Let it be a lesson learned that 1) $hit happens, and 2) you can trip and fall in any situation, so when holding a baby/toddler, do what you can to minimize tripping hazards and tuck and roll if you do trip.

It's okay! You're okay! Your niece will be okay!

 

[bigphi008]

@minimoe this is so much what I needed to hear thank you. I definitely am not used to toddlers! I teach 8-10 year olds so while I love and consider myself good with children in general, not used to toting anybody around! you’re right, with her not being seriously hurt I’m glad I can learn from this to be more aware of my surroundings in the future. For starters it is one thing to fall on my own, another when my sweet little niece is in my arms and I can’t use them to try and balance myself or keep me from hitting the ground with the rest of my body.

In a funny twist, after my niece got a bandaid for her little scrape she noticed my gashes on my knees, hands, and face and said “Oh my god, you got shot?!?” She didn’t even realize I was hurt from falling.

 

[carriekpali]

@bigphi008 Honestly, even if my son was mildly injured, I wouldn’t be upset at you in this scenario.

If you took a spill because of some irresponsible action (like being drunk and stumbling out of a bar, doing drugs, or some other display of questionable judgment) while caring for my child, then I wouldn’t trust you in the future.

Accidents happen, and this seems like it could just as easily have happened to me.

 

[mabb]

@carriekpali This is it! I don't even know where most of the marks on my boys came from! Lol

What a sweet, caring aunt though!

 

[h312]

@bigphi008 It's just an accident. Next time, hold the boundary. She puts on her shoes. It may take a few hours, lol, but you must be more stubborn than she is.

DO NOT beat yourself up

 

[bigphi008]

@h312 Yep next time I’ll say, “Do you remember last time?” That should be enough LOL

 

[emmanuel12]

@bigphi008 When my youngest was about 6 months, i was holding her in my left arm, and I had my oldest trying to get to the bathroom to get ready for her doctor's appt (check up). My oldest decides to just dead weight fall to the floor because she didn't want to get ready and it kind of dragged me down, I fell against the wall to the left and smashed my baby's head between my shoulder and the wall...I'm 200 lbs so I was scared shitless I severely hurt my little one. Needless to say, the oldest doctor's appt got canceled, and we took the baby to the er to get checked. The front desk wanted to hear nothing I had to say as the father and would only listen to my wife. I'm assuming because their preconception was it was due to abuse on my part.

Sometimes shit happens, and luckily, yall seem to be ok.

Unlike the video of the dad that threw his son on the ground while getting attacked by a racoon.

 

[bigphi008]

@emmanuel12 Oh my goodness! SMH at front desk…. And I haven’t seen that video, I kind of want to now but I’m scared LOL

 

[emmanuel12]

@bigphi008 It's funny but horrible. The kid was ok.

 

[tanga]

@bigphi008 Of course! It was an accident, try not to be so hard on yourself. Kids fall A LOT and you'll be constantly beating yourself up when/if you decide on having kids, I'm like that now.

 

[bigphi008]

@tanga Thank you and it’s good to know this is normal. There’s so much about kids that I just won’t anticipate I think until I actually have them myself. I teach 8-10 y.o.’s so a bit less accident prone, but when something does happen (I.e. falling backwards in their chairs bc they don’t listen to me when i warn them to sit normally, tripping over their untied shoes) parents freak out on me. I think that’s why I am panicking and expected my SIL to freak out. I’m glad she is a sweetheart.