My toddler doesn’t sleep well - he fell asleep tonight at 11pm and I feel so bad :(

[franki]

@paker If he’s not sleeping until 11pm then you definitely should end nap time. Sleep is definitely effecting his mood. If you haven’t then you should mention it to his pediatrician and ask for help getting him to sleep.

My son literally CANT sleep without help. He takes melatonin and a sleeping pill at night and still stays up late sometimes. But he sleeps through the night now.

If you haven’t tried melatonin then that’s a simple try. You don’t even need to ask your pediatrician. It’s probably the first thing they will suggest anyways.

Go to the store and get some melatonin gummies. Give kid about .5mg about an hour before bed. I bet it makes a world of difference.

 

[jack986]

@paker

1. Do you use a visual schedule? It may help.
2. Can you shorten some of these? Pajamas and vitamins can take 1-2 minutes. Instead of 30 minutes of books, can you pick a number of books? We usually do 3 but I’d they’re long maybe 1-2. It ends up being about 10-15 minutes. Cut out the post bath wind down and play?
3. Maybe melatonin?

My daughter has also struggled with transitions and sleep time and I understand that making changes can just result in hours long melt downs. Tightening up the routine gradually and melatonin have made things significantly better.

 

[lightning_drake]

@paker How old is he?

My kids(almost 2&6) get dessert at supper very rarely as it keeps them awake. We usually do dessert with lunch.

Also depending on the kid, electronics & baths can wake them up, you could experiment with dropping them too.

 

[kneeskins]

@paker There is absolutely zero reason why a bedtime routine should take 4 hours. None. This sounds less like a routine and more about him just being given whatever he wants to make the screaming stop, which isn’t healthy. Sometimes kids will just scream when they don’t get what they want, that doesn’t mean we give them everything they want all the time.

 

[katrina2017]

@paker Picture cue cards were the best thing that early intervention started us on for transitions. Now I print my own out—from what we’re gonna eat to where we are going to who we will see. Everything is started with picture cards so my now 3 year old knows what is to come. Makes transitions loads better, less meltdowns.

 

[mrroy]

@paker You’re such a sweet mama. But you’re letting him run the show. Kids push boundaries because that’s how they’re wired, but they really appreciate them. Boundaries make them feel safe. He may be struggling because he has been given too much power, and that’s scary when you can barely manage to function. He needs you to take the reigns with firm and loving boundaries. Also remember, intermittent reinforcement of behavior is the strongest. Meaning you must stand firm 100% of the time. If you give in once, he will know it’s a possibility and work harder to get his way. He thinks he wants control, but really it’s scary and too much for him.

Take control. Be gentle but firm. It will be really hard while he adjusts, but if you stick to it, you’re looking at a much easier childhood for all of you (and for his teachers down the line).

Please remember that you are a person with needs, and it is not ok for your toddler to get to a point where he is consistently making it impossible for you to meet your needs. Of course as moms that happens sometimes, but it cannot be the norm. It isn’t good for you, and it’s a terrible lesson to teach your child. Hang in there. You clearly love your baby, and it’s so hard to go from that “I must respond to every baby cry” to “this toddler needs to understand that the world does not revolve around them.” It’s an uncomfortable lesson for them to learn, but an important one.

 

[harmur]

@paker You've been given lots of advice, but as I've thought on this today, I'm coming back for a couple more things I haven't seen addressed.

1. 5 minute transition warnings. Love the transition warning. 5 minutes when you're that age is an eternity. Shorten it to 2 or 3 minutes and use a timer. Timers are wonderful if used consistently. Don't ignore the timer half the time. Give him a 3 minute warning. If you want to give two three minute warnings, do that, but don't keep extending it.
2. Drastic changes are going to come with meltdown central. I've heard people claim the change meltdowns last only 3 days. I've managed to avoid most of those, but when we had them, they did last a bit longer. So gird your loins. And talk about how things are changing during the day before springing them on him
3. The rough sleep sounds to me like it might be nightmares. I'm betting moving the vitamin to morning will help reduce those since vitamins are kicking his brain activity up a notch.
4. Consistency. It's way easier said than done, but you have to be consistent with everything.