@nazpastor That's a stupid and uninformed opinion just like everything women are told in pregnancy/birth/postpartum: if you didn't have the "perfect" pregnancy/birth/postpartum, it's your fault for feeling or thinking the "wrong" way. This is magical thinking BS. Babies are individuals and have different temperaments like adults do. They all have their struggles at some point in their development, just not at the same time. My baby is not a sleepy potato, he came out quite developed and advanced and is easily frustrated by his own limitations. I can look forward to him becoming a more independent child as he gains more control of his body and ability to communicate his needs and desires.
Got an 'answer' for my "next level" velcro baby. I was too stressed while pregnant.
@nazpastor I don't believe it.
I have a Velcro baby and I was very relaxed during my pregnancy. All I did was relax, watch tv and eat snacks.
I have a Velcro baby and I was very relaxed during my pregnancy. All I did was relax, watch tv and eat snacks.
@nazpastor Dude no. I was pretty unstressed with my first pregnancy, and had the Velcro baby to end all Velcro babies. During my second pregnancy, my first (two years older than the baby) was FTT and wouldn’t eat a thing and had some behavioural issues. I was very stressed. Second baby came out sooo low needs and chill. Third baby born two years later was the most stressful pregnancy, with a four year old, two year old, and some brain anomalies making the third high risk. That was an all time high on the stress scale, and that five month old is also a very easy baby. Idk the science they’re citing, but I know that my pregnancies got more and more stressful but nothing compares to my intense first who never slept, wouldn’t take a bottle, and would scream not only if I put him down, but looked away.
It’s not your fault. We can do a lot as moms, but babies do have their own personalities.
It’s not your fault. We can do a lot as moms, but babies do have their own personalities.
@nazpastor Unintentional or not, that’s victim-blaming BS. I sobbed every day of my second trimester until we miraculously received a false positive result for a fatal genetic disorder that we were told our baby had. Baby is smiley and sleeps independently.
katrina2017
New member
@nazpastor The advice you give when you cheat your way through med school
kaririopelle
New member
@nazpastor Huh.
Well, if you made your baby a Velcro baby, so did I. My dad passed away while I was pregnant and I lost a ton of weight from the stress. Now my 8-month-old is a Velcro baby so bad he won’t even take a bottle.
Did the stress cause the issue? Maybe. But, I didn’t do it on purpose, and I’m assuming you didn’t either. Bad things happen to everyone. Being pregnant just makes it harder.
You’ve done nothing. This was done to you, and your baby was a part of you at that time. If you’d have been hit by a truck, would you still blame yourself? Take care of yourself. It will help you take care of your baby.
Well, if you made your baby a Velcro baby, so did I. My dad passed away while I was pregnant and I lost a ton of weight from the stress. Now my 8-month-old is a Velcro baby so bad he won’t even take a bottle.
Did the stress cause the issue? Maybe. But, I didn’t do it on purpose, and I’m assuming you didn’t either. Bad things happen to everyone. Being pregnant just makes it harder.
You’ve done nothing. This was done to you, and your baby was a part of you at that time. If you’d have been hit by a truck, would you still blame yourself? Take care of yourself. It will help you take care of your baby.
childofgod1977
New member
@nazpastor Nah. Don’t let them tell you that. I was extremely stressed, was monitored for high blood pressure between week 28-38. My baby is 9 months and is the chillest little guy ever. In fact, I wish he was a bit more Velcro but I do believe whatever you do, you do it wrong as a mum. Please don’t feel mum guilt. You’re doing amazing!
@nazpastor I think your baby is just a baby with a high proximity need. I have one of those. She is 19 months old and is still attached to me at the hip most days. Baby wearing helped me when she was little. Embrace the contact naps. It won't be like this for long in the scheme of things. And give yourself some grace for the laundry. As long as you've got some clean underwear to wear, you're good.
@nazpastor I was very very stressed while pregnant and my daughter was a clingy Velcro baby so who knows if they’re related but she became such a chill toddler around 18 months.
Yes she still needs lots of attention and love but it’s so so much easier now because she’ll sit by herself playing or come “help” with chores and cooking. Plus she is absolutely ok with hanging out with dad (as long as moms not around).
The early days are so so hard but you’ll get through it and I would so much rather have a hard newborn and easy toddler than vice versa.
Yes she still needs lots of attention and love but it’s so so much easier now because she’ll sit by herself playing or come “help” with chores and cooking. Plus she is absolutely ok with hanging out with dad (as long as moms not around).
The early days are so so hard but you’ll get through it and I would so much rather have a hard newborn and easy toddler than vice versa.
@nazpastor That notion is ridiculous. I had hyperemisis gravidarum along with a host of other medical issues and for a solid part of my pregnancy, basically wanted to die I felt so ill. Then I lost a family member I was close with, two weeks after getting a brand new border collie puppy (so stressful), and one week before our family dog got trampled by a deer, when I was 5 months pregnant. I was, for a solid week, basically crumpled on my floor crying exert day. And now at 4 months postpartum, baby is the opposite of Velcro. And has never been super clingy. Some babies just need a little more snuggling in the beginning and I really think it has nothing to do with your pregnancy.
@nazpastor I’m going to be honest, I was super relaxed majority of my pregnancy. I have the biggest effing Velcro baby in the world. He’s 15 months and I still use a baby carrier twice a week minimum to get stuff done since I can’t set him down without him crying.
My mom said my brother was exactly like this, too. I hate that the nurse made you feel like this was your fault. It’s absolutely not, and it’s just your babe’s disposition.
This may not be fully science based, but it made me feel better in the thick of things, look up orchid babies vs dandelion babies. @tiredbabysleep on TikTok has a video on them that really reassures that it’s not something you’re doing. It’s just your baby! And it’s exhausting as fuck, but it’s not your fault at all!!
My mom said my brother was exactly like this, too. I hate that the nurse made you feel like this was your fault. It’s absolutely not, and it’s just your babe’s disposition.
This may not be fully science based, but it made me feel better in the thick of things, look up orchid babies vs dandelion babies. @tiredbabysleep on TikTok has a video on them that really reassures that it’s not something you’re doing. It’s just your baby! And it’s exhausting as fuck, but it’s not your fault at all!!
@nazpastor Kipling called - he wants his corny just-so story back. People crave rationalizations and are not above conjuring them up out of thin air, just to feel a sense of order in the world. The medical community is not above it: think of all the women told they were responsible for their children’s schizophrenia or bipolar disorder because of their “cold affect.”
Imagine your same convo, but instead of an MCN, it’s a fortune teller. “I see something on my crystal ball: were you, by any chance, under stress at some point during that nine-month period?”
Give me a break.
Real talk, though: you are parenting in beast mode and have drawn the short straw for this phase of life. You’re not going to love hearing this, but around four months of age, sleep cycles change and children tend to wake more frequently at night. Having a single person provide soothing support at every waking becomes untenable. See if you can phase in support from dad now — it may mean dad gets frustrated and cried at for quite a while, but you’ve got to have a second caregiver option. You may also want to read up on sleep training in case the two of you reach a breaking point down the line, so that you are making premeditated choices at developmentally appropriate times, and not just reacting in sleep deprivation.
Imagine your same convo, but instead of an MCN, it’s a fortune teller. “I see something on my crystal ball: were you, by any chance, under stress at some point during that nine-month period?”
Give me a break.Real talk, though: you are parenting in beast mode and have drawn the short straw for this phase of life. You’re not going to love hearing this, but around four months of age, sleep cycles change and children tend to wake more frequently at night. Having a single person provide soothing support at every waking becomes untenable. See if you can phase in support from dad now — it may mean dad gets frustrated and cried at for quite a while, but you’ve got to have a second caregiver option. You may also want to read up on sleep training in case the two of you reach a breaking point down the line, so that you are making premeditated choices at developmentally appropriate times, and not just reacting in sleep deprivation.
@nazpastor Hormones and stress can impact different things, but this is a load of horse shit. I knew the most chill mom ever and her first first baby was chill, she had an even better second pregnancy, and the baby sounds super similar to your baby as well. The baby grew out of it and is now a super outgoing and cute little girl. They had a third.
Have you tried a nice baby carrier around the house? For crying babies, my doula recommended cordless earbuds so you can play music to drown out the sound of them crying. You should try to comfort them physically, but it doesn't mean. You have to listen to them.
Often the root cause of a colic baby is physical stuff. tummy troubles (gas), etc. If you are breast feeding, try cutting out certain things like dairy. If you are formula feeding, try different formulas.
Have you tried a nice baby carrier around the house? For crying babies, my doula recommended cordless earbuds so you can play music to drown out the sound of them crying. You should try to comfort them physically, but it doesn't mean. You have to listen to them.
Often the root cause of a colic baby is physical stuff. tummy troubles (gas), etc. If you are breast feeding, try cutting out certain things like dairy. If you are formula feeding, try different formulas.
@nazpastor I'm firmly convinced that needy babies are mostly just a personality thing. I have four kids. My most stressful pregnancy by far resulted in such an easy baby that I often joke with him now that he tricked me into thinking that having babies was easy. He's 15. His siblings range in age down to 2. My two year old is the clingiest thing on planet earth and has earned the nickname "the screaming barnacle." But I was arguably the least stressed in my pregnancy with her.
Maybe your doc sees needy babies come from stressed pregnancies because maybe sometimes moms who were stressed out during pregnancy are the ones who are also most exhausted by a clingy baby. Or maybe these moms have more anxiety so they're more likely to reach out for help about a needy baby in the first place. I mean how many moms of needy babies never even mentioned it, and how might that affect her views? Or maybe she's just pulling that out of her ass because for some people it's easier to make up an answer than to admit you just don't know something. Also... Pregnancy is just inherently stressful is it not? I don't know a whole lot of people that said they had an easy breezy pregnancy.
The important thing to remember here is that correlation does not equal causation. Even two entirely unrelated phenomena can trend in the exact same direction. It's meaningless. And for her to put this one you like that is completely irresponsible. I'm sorry that you were told this bullshit. In a time when you needed help you were given undue blame and that's completely unfair.
Maybe your doc sees needy babies come from stressed pregnancies because maybe sometimes moms who were stressed out during pregnancy are the ones who are also most exhausted by a clingy baby. Or maybe these moms have more anxiety so they're more likely to reach out for help about a needy baby in the first place. I mean how many moms of needy babies never even mentioned it, and how might that affect her views? Or maybe she's just pulling that out of her ass because for some people it's easier to make up an answer than to admit you just don't know something. Also... Pregnancy is just inherently stressful is it not? I don't know a whole lot of people that said they had an easy breezy pregnancy.
The important thing to remember here is that correlation does not equal causation. Even two entirely unrelated phenomena can trend in the exact same direction. It's meaningless. And for her to put this one you like that is completely irresponsible. I'm sorry that you were told this bullshit. In a time when you needed help you were given undue blame and that's completely unfair.
whispersinthewind
New member
@nazpastor I had an okay pregnancy but my child absolutely would prefer to be back in the womb than on the outside. It’s just her temperament.
@nazpastor Uh, no.
I had the happiest time of my life while pregnant. Ate pretty well, almost entirely stress free. And my baby is still a velcro baby. He’s gotten a little better at letting me put him down at 3 months old but still the majority of the day he wants to be held, or else.
I had the happiest time of my life while pregnant. Ate pretty well, almost entirely stress free. And my baby is still a velcro baby. He’s gotten a little better at letting me put him down at 3 months old but still the majority of the day he wants to be held, or else.
higginssamuel
New member
@nazpastor Bullshit. My first two babies were born under pretty much equally stress-filled situations and one was high-needs and the other was super chill and laid back.
Maybe the reason most babies who are high needs are products of stressful pregnancies is because pregnancy is stressful. Most other babies are probably also products of stressful pregnancies.
You didn’t make your baby this way. Some babies are just a lot more work than others.
Maybe the reason most babies who are high needs are products of stressful pregnancies is because pregnancy is stressful. Most other babies are probably also products of stressful pregnancies.
You didn’t make your baby this way. Some babies are just a lot more work than others.
match2dare
New member
@nazpastor I think as moms we get flooded with anxiety when a baby is born. That's our hormones bouncing off the walls, although I hear dad's get it too. I had a baby sling I wore and just never took off. And if I wasn't wearing it Dad was. Are we able to hire a cleaning lady two or three times a week? If not dad needs to be picking up slack
@nazpastor It’s nothing you have done. Some babies just need held because the transition to the outside world overwhelms them and you’re his safe haven. I know it’s so hard. Rest assured that it is likely to get better eventually. Until then: I can only encourage you to get all the help you can get with everything else in your life and household.
I have twins and my pregnancy was high-stress. Multiple hospital stays. Constantly scared of losing them or them coming super early. Health issues identified in utero. It was extremely hard on me emotionally. Yet one baby is clingy and the other one more independent (clingy only when sick or teething).
I have twins and my pregnancy was high-stress. Multiple hospital stays. Constantly scared of losing them or them coming super early. Health issues identified in utero. It was extremely hard on me emotionally. Yet one baby is clingy and the other one more independent (clingy only when sick or teething).
@nazpastor That seems like just a theory…. I don’t see how that could be scientifically or medically backed so I would take it with a grain of salt. You did nothing wrong! Your baby is a Velcro baby bc he loves you and loves spending every day close to your heart 
you’re doing a great job.
you’re doing a great job.