You should probably inform him that their partners are most likely having the same conversations and feel as exasperated as you behind closed doors.
I've noticed since having my son amd visiting family/friends men tend to brag about how little they do or the short cuts they take. I've heard my partners uncle tell him while laughing about how he used to prop the bottle up when he had to do a feed so that he could have his hands free. Or joke about how if you let them cry long enough then the other half takes over.
@lianne72 In situations like this, I often wonder how long things would sit undone if women just didn't do them. Like if you just didn't do the dishes and waited for him to do them, when would he take the initiative? (Or at least, how long would it take for him to complain, prompting you to ask why it's your job and why he can't just do them?) What would these men's lives and homes look like if they were bachelors or if their wives suddenly died and they became single fathers? Some of these dudes seem to know they don't have to worry about things because their wives will just handle it all, and others don't even seem to realize somehow.
@pencil_on_paper As soon as our LO joined us, it put everything into perspective for me. Going to work every day was no longer something I could benefit from. Being a SAHD is the best thing I have ever got gotten to do.
@pencil_on_paper This was so eloquently put. One thing that has really frustrated me is that the pediatrician just assumes I know what I’m doing. She watched my son roll at one of his appointments, but didn’t say anything about no more swaddles (I read that on Reddit). Then his last appointment she was asking if he puts his teething rings in his mouth, like I should have known it was time to even offer them? It comes down to almost no information given when baby is born and you take them home, and an assumption that since you’re a woman you just…know? Or you’ll spend 100% of your free time on Google trying to answer your own questions. It really is draining.
@pencil_on_paper That’s true. It seems like it ends up being me just…figuring it out and then just that assumption that I have any clue what I’m doing (spoiler alert: I do not)
That sentence about your identity crisis because you want to work the bare minimum and be with your daughter, but if feels like wasting all your previous work… it was so on point! I cried this week because I feel the same. I’m so confused about this change of priorities.
Also yeah, nobody in our hospital gave two f**cks about infant care instruction. I’m such a nerd so I had researched everything. I’m still shocked about that careless attitude from the staff.
And after having a csection, it’s shocking how much they downplayed the surgery and acted as if it was a minor procedure, denying me proper pain management.
@whirlygirl It is so scary when you first head home from the hospital, thinking... "I guess we have a baby now? I guess the nurses just trust that we can figure out how to keep her alive!" Even with regular check in with health visitors I felt adrift.
Returning to work was a strangely conflicted situation, even being in the UK where I got a full years mat leave with my girl. I was made redundant whilst on leave and had to totally change careers for my return to work. I'd had my career taken away from me, was dying to have my adult brain back and some time to myself but then so guilty about any second I was away from her and the stressful transition tj nursery.
@whirlygirl Same! 100% agree with this. I have an MBA and spent years busting my butt growing in my career in a position I loved. After having my first I left my position and planned to stay home for six months. Then COVID happened and it was impossible for me to find a new position. We ended up moving to a more rural area for better quality of life and had our second. I went back to work last year and just quit my job again three weeks ago because I just couldn't make it make sense. Both babies were in full time daycare and it was costing more than our mortgage every month, and my employers were docking pay every time I needed off for sick days or drs appts or whatever. And all pickups, drops offs, drs appts, everything fell to me, and we were sick nonstop. Now I'm sitting here torn between finding another position that might offer me the flexibility and try to continue my career and not waste the years or education, or just basically give up on the years of work and education I already put in.
@pencil_on_paper Oh absolutely all of this! And the worst thing about it is that I feel my ambitions driving away from me. I had the goals but I just feel so tired of having to prove myself more because I'm a woman, and a mom. I feel that that extra energy is wasted so I'm thinking of just letting it go and work easy. Currently my employer is testing me since I got back. I told him over and over again that I can't stay longer than 3 hours at a time because of my breastfeeding. And time and time again I'm met with pushback.
@pencil_on_paper You are so spot on! About everything in your post. Now that my little one is in daycare because I have to go back to work for financially being able to pay for daycare (honestly this is just a mind fuck), we’ve contracted every stupid virus, subsequent ear infection, strep, two hospital trips, and been out of daycare for basically the equivalent of a month…. The fucking irony (pardon my language… I have strep throat, didn’t sleep with a fussy baby, and I’m just annoyed)
How are the husbands clueless in all things child development while simultaneously NOT believing you as a single source of truth regarding matters of the baby!? It's baffling and maddening. All I can say is THANK God for the algorithm pushing baby vids on him all the time. At least Meta is forcing the issue for me.
@veronm144 But also, why are they not proactively taking it upon themselves to seek out this information? That’s what gets me. My husband doesn’t do social media so I don’t get any algorithm help over here unfortunately.
@jordansomething Probably because they've always had someone to do legwork on things like this for them. Or in my husband's case, he's been conditioned by his mother to believe women somehow inherently come with all this knowledge, so he has no reason to do the research.
