***Long Post*** 13yo Son said to Me “I hate you, you f*cking b*tch.” First time he’s cursed at me

[starbright8000]

@mariahhgrim Your son sounds incredibly angry and has an exceptionally difficult time regulating his emotions. He sounds like me when I was that age. I don't know YOUR situation but I know exactly what triggered my "bad teenaged years". My parents divorced. My mother was absent and when she wasn't, she was inconsistent, selfish and highly emotional. My dad raised me the majority of my life and he was emotionally vacant unless you angered him.

Every teenager will have an outburst like this. It is how YOU handle it. I've seen your other comments about trying to be kinder, etc and it makes me wonder what behaviours he is being exposed to on the day to day by EVERYONE around him (not just you).

Once this pandemic is over, you guys will likely benefit from some family therapy if only for a few sessions. I'm willing to bet that your son is the squeaky wheel but is not the only problem.

Good luck. I know it seems like I'm blaming you but I'm not. This is a difficult and scary time for all of us, children and teens especially.

 

[mariahhgrim]

@starbright8000 Wow, BOTH of your parents sound exactly like mine. I was a rebellious teen, hell I even got knocked up at 16. The difference between me and my parents though is, I’ve been actively working on my trauma so that my child doesn’t go through the same thing or worse.

I’m in individual therapy (DBT) with one of the main focuses being emotional regulation. I just started the DBT a few months ago, but before that I was in therapy 1-2x a week since March. I started going because I had a major emotional breakdown over my son’s behavior. My son and I have been in family therapy together since June, but he’s very quiet with the therapist.

He’s a great kid, but I agree that he has emo reg problems, as I have had. At my home, it’s only us two. With his paternal family, I cannot really say as I’m not there. Grandma is a sweet Catholic lady, dad is a bum, uncle is a bum, and the other youngest uncle is a great guy (but still an enabler) and is supporting the whole family.

And I’m not taking your comment in any negative way, I’m here to get support and feedback. Besides, No critiques of any kind can compare with how much I’ve mentally beat myself in the past. I made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve been on my own since 14, had him at 17. I just turned 31 and I’m doing the best I can to improve in every area.

 

[lorre]

@mariahhgrim I have a 16 year old daughter and I love that girl, but she can be horrible to me..lazy as the day is long

No advice just solidarity.

 

[mariahhgrim]

@lorre Mine is too...Thanks for your support

 

[daniel1970]

@mariahhgrim Try yo be patient and understanding. 13 years old. Puberty. It's as hard for him as it is you, plus to deal with this whole quarantine thing. I'm not saying you acted or reacted wrong, and he clearly was out of line. I'm saying if he "knows better", then you're doing your job well and he'll grow out of this phase he's going through.

 

[mariahhgrim]

@daniel1970 Thank you I’m doing the best I can to be patient, understanding, and not reacting. It just hurts my heart

 

[arnoldux1111]

@mariahhgrim Take his phone for at least one full month. Make him do more around the house.