I’m just f%cking tired

@greenteaa God I was so bad at this at first. It gets so much better once they're out of the potato stage (newborn) and they actually start smiling and looking like they're listening to you.

Also I just had music on in the background that I'd sing along to so I figure that counts.
 
@pencil_on_paper Bahahahahahaha at the minutes.

We had a win for gender equality recently on a board that we were on when a man was nominated as minutes secretary. It's amazing to see him break new ground for his gender. (This was after no women were available...)
 
@cindyfernandez The person this task consistently gets delegated to on my team is a 45-year-old white man in a mid-level position. It feels like a personal feminist win every time, especially since I'm the only person on the same level as him and I have less seniority, but I've never been asked.
 
@pencil_on_paper God I'm so tired. Up for work at 6 and not home until 4:30 at best. Then it's spend time with my son, make dinner, eat dinner, clean up, fold laundry, shower, prep my son's food for the next day at daycare, and maybe watch TV before I pass out by 9:00. I so wish I could be home with him during the day, but we just can't afford it right now.

Being a working parent is so tough. I wish I could have gotten more than 8 weeks at home with him.
 
@pencil_on_paper AMEN. I got to train my boss before going on maternity leave. When I asked why I hadn't been made head of the department I'd been running solo for over half a year, they said "Oh, We didn't think you'd want the job."

I had asked for the job. (I was, however, pregnant so maybe that was a factor...)

The guys at work are standard issue men. They practice weaponized incompetence and shlup organization onto the closest woman as you outlined from the top to the bottom. The most evil of all is the only woman who clawed her way up to the top - she plays the "not like other girls" shtick and fills every lady-misogynist trope you could imagine.

My baby will be 10 weeks old when I return. They denied my request to work from home for three months, as "your job requires more hands on people management." Translation: I can't make you be the office mom if you're home being a real mom.

My husband is a good man, but openly tells me he does not have the energy to juggle all this. He communicates clearly, does the chores, work, and childrearing he can, and supports my attempts to "Do it all."
 
@bornoptimist Like a few others in this thread, if you have an email chain or any documentation on applying for the role, you may have an opportunity to sue.

I am now in a remote role and really believe it has changed the game for working moms! If you can, definitely seek out WFH!
 
@pencil_on_paper Nope, all closed door conversations. I've learned a lot and next time will be applying immediately like an outhire. Nothing but glowing performance reviews so my current position is safe and sound at least.

For now, I'm gonna be setting insanely firm boundaries and just leaving at 6pm sharp to see my family. Not my department, not my problem. "See ya tomorrow boss!"

Also, I'll be using this "we're a family" wishy washiness to my advantage. I'll take my computer home rather than stay late ever and have "something come up; I can work from home today or call out sick" and take what I need on days I need it. You better believe I'm using every single minute of PTO I have too.
 
@bornoptimist Hard boundaries are a must- and take ALL of the PTO. Before getting passed over for a promotion, I was the employee that had over 6 weeks of banked vacation and even when I did burn time, I worked. I vowed I’d never do that again. I burned myself out, and for what? So they could continue the old boys club narrative?
I’m very fortunate and thankful I work for a more mature organization now that respects boundaries and encourages time off. Sending you lots of hugs- proud of you for doing what’s best for you and your family.
 
@pencil_on_paper I’m in Scandinavia and horrified at the way things are done in the US. Here, daycare is about $100 per month and you get about 1,5 years of paid parental leave to split between the mom and the dad. All healthcare for kids and relating to childbirth is 100% covered by government subsidies.

How anyone can raise kids in the US is beyond me. You guys are champions, but you shouldn’t have to be, in one of the richest countries in the world.
 
@pencil_on_paper My LO is 11 weeks and I go back to work tomorrow. I’m fortunate to be able to work from home and will have my MiL here for the next two months to watch her, but I am still full of anxiety. How shitty is it that we life in a capitalist hell hole where, in order to have (and financially support) our families, we need to put in 40+ hours of work a week at a job that rarely values you, leaving only a few hours a day to spend quality time with your baby. If I finish work at 5 and bedtime starts at 6:30pm, and we have dinner in between, when, besides the weekend, am I supposed to play and bond with my baby? When she starts daycare in a couple months, how am I supposed to accept the fact that she will spend more waking hours with strangers than she will with her mom and dad? I just want to rage in the streets - and maybe we all should! I enjoy working and want to keep working, but not at the expense of barely seeing my baby.
 
@pencil_on_paper I’m an RN and work on med surg my discharge after giving birth was quicker than my normal med surg discharge that I do. I am suppose to go back to work in 6 weeks and had to start PT last week cause I literally can’t walk straight and they think baby broke or dislocated my coccyx bone so I can’t sit or stand up. I’m EBF my little one and have to end this sooner than I want and go to pumping which I hate. I’m at the point where I told my husband I’m going to quit cause I am NOT going back if I don’t feel better within the next 3 weeks. My baby also turned a month and we are still at 3 hour feeds so I haven’t slept longer than 3 hours at a time a month
 
@pencil_on_paper I totally get this. People then complain that all the stress is women's fault because they wanted to work and have men's jobs and feminism has been detrimental to women's mental health. But the reality is that the mental workload of organising everything, appointments, housework, child care etc is still solely being put on women in the majority of cases which is what is causing burn out.

If I had my partners workload and parenting responsibilities I'd be far more stress free. His brain doesn't plan ahead in the same way I HAVE to, not because he is incapable but because he knows he doesnt have to.

The babies clothes are just there, my baby is 7 weeks old, born at 6lb 10 and now weighs a whopping 12.5lbs. We only had 0-3m clothes when we brought him home. I had to arrange getting him tiny baby outfits, then get him first size outfits, and now I've had to buy him a 3-6m range which he'll need in another couple of weeks. It qouldnt cross my partners mind to have clothes for him in advance, he would wait till nothing fit and then have a complete meltdown about why size up clothes weren't bought sooner.

I've had to buy all the sensory toys for him, do his tummy time, interact with him in his more awake times in the last week using black and white toys/flashcards.
I've had to plan ahead to have clean bottles for throughout the night and not just one clean one for the next feed. I've had to keep track of all his appointments. Prep his nappy bag for visits out.

I STILL do all the cooking, have to do the dishes after because my partner is tired and fallen asleep. I do all the housework. I arrange all the shopping. I'm off on maternity and going back when babe is 4 months old so I have him all day, I do all the night feeds. My partner will do one feed or nappy change in the evening. He will complain about having to do a whole night on the weekend so he usually is only up once. I know for a fact this will not change when I go back to work. I have not had a block of sleep longer than 3 hours since the day I gave birth. He has had blocks of 8 hours sleep with minimal change to his routine excluding weekends.

I'm the one thinking ahead to organising everything for his childcare.

Most things in the house just happen for my partner. It's me in the background getting zero appreciation. And the kicker is that he is the one getting praise from family because he knows how to change a nappy.

The route of the problem is that the bar is insanely low for men to be considered good partners or good parents and it is insanely high for women. You have to be perfect at everything, work, homelife, parenting otherwise you are lacking and you have 'taken on too much'. By going back to work I will be relieving the financial pressure off my partner, however in return I know he won't relieve any of the pressure of the mental workload of arranging everything for me or do any more of the housework or childcare than he is already doing now.
 
@lincolncreek All of this. I just had a conversation with my husband about this. He often points out that the other dads in our social circle aren’t as helpful or involved as he is but I still ask him to do more. I told him it doesn’t matter because I’m married to you and I expect more. I expect him to support me and to be a partner- not just the guy that is doing a little bit more than the other guys. That’s just not going to cut it.
 
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