@pencil_on_paper I totally get this. People then complain that all the stress is women's fault because they wanted to work and have men's jobs and feminism has been detrimental to women's mental health. But the reality is that the mental workload of organising everything, appointments, housework, child care etc is still solely being put on women in the majority of cases which is what is causing burn out.
If I had my partners workload and parenting responsibilities I'd be far more stress free. His brain doesn't plan ahead in the same way I HAVE to, not because he is incapable but because he knows he doesnt have to.
The babies clothes are just there, my baby is 7 weeks old, born at 6lb 10 and now weighs a whopping 12.5lbs. We only had 0-3m clothes when we brought him home. I had to arrange getting him tiny baby outfits, then get him first size outfits, and now I've had to buy him a 3-6m range which he'll need in another couple of weeks. It qouldnt cross my partners mind to have clothes for him in advance, he would wait till nothing fit and then have a complete meltdown about why size up clothes weren't bought sooner.
I've had to buy all the sensory toys for him, do his tummy time, interact with him in his more awake times in the last week using black and white toys/flashcards.
I've had to plan ahead to have clean bottles for throughout the night and not just one clean one for the next feed. I've had to keep track of all his appointments. Prep his nappy bag for visits out.
I STILL do all the cooking, have to do the dishes after because my partner is tired and fallen asleep. I do all the housework. I arrange all the shopping. I'm off on maternity and going back when babe is 4 months old so I have him all day, I do all the night feeds. My partner will do one feed or nappy change in the evening. He will complain about having to do a whole night on the weekend so he usually is only up once. I know for a fact this will not change when I go back to work. I have not had a block of sleep longer than 3 hours since the day I gave birth. He has had blocks of 8 hours sleep with minimal change to his routine excluding weekends.
I'm the one thinking ahead to organising everything for his childcare.
Most things in the house just happen for my partner. It's me in the background getting zero appreciation. And the kicker is that he is the one getting praise from family because he knows how to change a nappy.
The route of the problem is that the bar is insanely low for men to be considered good partners or good parents and it is insanely high for women. You have to be perfect at everything, work, homelife, parenting otherwise you are lacking and you have 'taken on too much'. By going back to work I will be relieving the financial pressure off my partner, however in return I know he won't relieve any of the pressure of the mental workload of arranging everything for me or do any more of the housework or childcare than he is already doing now.