My husband called me a f*cking b*tch in front of our 2 year old and won’t apologize
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arkofthecovenant
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@doots Ugh I’m sorry. This exchange sucks. If you want advice, mine (based on experience with a traumatized (and constantly recovering in various forms) alcoholic who tests the limits of cruel outlashes at his worst and benefits from medication & regular therapy) is full ice 
If text messages & calm communication don’t work, I don’t engage him except for bare minimum until he apologizes. Or he pretends nothing happened and then suffers through my mom lecture. It is FAR more often an apology and an acknowledgement of an error right away, or honestly, he probably knows he would risk losing me. I can count on half a hand the times he’s doubled down 
And the time we’ve been together he’s improved. He cycles. He has to have help. We struggle the most when he’s on a “I can do this for a while” point in time, but we’ve been through some tough ass trauma together and we help each other. We have made a few “re-commitments” at various junctures of errors, mine included.
(In case someone else reads my comment history out of context, this dude is dope in many ways. He is our default parent in soooo many ways, and provides a safety net to our household I can’t. I’m the ambitious career driven one with BDE and anxiety, and probs ocd
also in therapy!)
You have to choose what kind of long haul you’re in for. Parenting a two year old is tough on everyone. Hang in there. It gets easier. What kind of lows do you want to handle and tolerate and try to work through? Only you can make that choice. It helps to have a few friends who have mentally ill husbands (who try! Who make real efforts to improve!) and support each other through some low points. Hopefully your lows decrease over time. Or you decide otherwise. I wish you peace
If text messages & calm communication don’t work, I don’t engage him except for bare minimum until he apologizes. Or he pretends nothing happened and then suffers through my mom lecture. It is FAR more often an apology and an acknowledgement of an error right away, or honestly, he probably knows he would risk losing me. I can count on half a hand the times he’s doubled down And the time we’ve been together he’s improved. He cycles. He has to have help. We struggle the most when he’s on a “I can do this for a while” point in time, but we’ve been through some tough ass trauma together and we help each other. We have made a few “re-commitments” at various junctures of errors, mine included.
(In case someone else reads my comment history out of context, this dude is dope in many ways. He is our default parent in soooo many ways, and provides a safety net to our household I can’t. I’m the ambitious career driven one with BDE and anxiety, and probs ocd
also in therapy!)You have to choose what kind of long haul you’re in for. Parenting a two year old is tough on everyone. Hang in there. It gets easier. What kind of lows do you want to handle and tolerate and try to work through? Only you can make that choice. It helps to have a few friends who have mentally ill husbands (who try! Who make real efforts to improve!) and support each other through some low points. Hopefully your lows decrease over time. Or you decide otherwise. I wish you peace
@arkofthecovenant Can I be your friend? Dealing with this and an outlast at the moment and having a very hard time focusing on the positives right now, even though I know his positive far outweigh his negatives 95% of the time. I came to this thread because he called me a bitch in front of my 2 yo son and I’m so hurt and angry. I kicked him out of the house for the night, which he fortunately did not fight me on. No apology or word yet but I’m hoping it’s coming tomorrow. He has always apologized in the past. But he’s never stopped as low as to have this level of outburst in front of our children. He is just getting somewhat better from being sick (I think Covid if I had to guess) and took something I said way out of context, didn’t believe me when I told him I absolutely did not mean it the way he took it, and then screamed at me, broke a dog gate, and called me a bitch, at which point I snapped and told him very calmly to go and not to come home tonight. My super smart 2 year old spent the next 30 min recounting what happened to my absolute hotel and I feel super lost right now. I’m angry but I’m also super numb and slightly sick to my stomach. I also find it super unfair that he got to go off and be alone with him thoughts to blow off steam however that looked and I had to continue as if nothing happened and get my 2yo to bed while trying not to wake up the 4 month old. Ugh. He was such a flaming asshole tonight.
ruanwenxian
New member
@doots i just read the text exchange and...it's like reading an adult communicating with a teenager. i would never talk to my spouse like that, and vice versa. we don't name-call, period. have we been angry, yelling, etc.? yeah, but never once have we called each other this, and i would never dream of doing it so casually.
i'm hesitant to even say it's it's one thing if he said it once because honestly i don't find the circumstances justifiable for him doing it at all, but the fact that he continued on via text and keeps basically name-calling you with zero remorse...an apology would mean nothing to me at this point. he meant it & doesn't seem to have any sort of guilt whatsoever.
i'm hesitant to even say it's it's one thing if he said it once because honestly i don't find the circumstances justifiable for him doing it at all, but the fact that he continued on via text and keeps basically name-calling you with zero remorse...an apology would mean nothing to me at this point. he meant it & doesn't seem to have any sort of guilt whatsoever.
@ruanwenxian Agreed! From his texts he 100% believes he has the right to verbally lash out at her anytime he doesn't like how things are going because she should know better. At this point to me, any apology would be a "I am sick of this conversation about how I am wrong and want you to shut up and go away until next time I need you to adult for me and wait on me" vs "I am sorry for this incredibly inexcusable lack of respect and I will do better".
fellowbrother14
New member
@kevt I concur. I usually sing (sometimes rap very badly) the blues in a comical fashion with stuff life this. Often people are peeved off about the situation, not the people involved. Did it all the time when I was on no sleep as a night worker, one week my kiddo's school was cancelled all week. Didn't help he kept yelling at me to wake up every time I shut my eyes.
OP's "husband" does not get to get a free pass for lashing out, period. I doubt she got him sick, and per the post she wasn't harsh with waking him for her very reasonable request to keep watch over their child. This guy can eat it.
OP's "husband" does not get to get a free pass for lashing out, period. I doubt she got him sick, and per the post she wasn't harsh with waking him for her very reasonable request to keep watch over their child. This guy can eat it. @doots He's... really fucked up. He didn't want to be bothered in that moment. Sure, ok. Instead of saying that or 999 other versions of that, he cursed you. And in hindsight he still thinks it's justified. He was supposed to verbalize his needs, but he abused you instead and he stands by that choice. A complete buffoon. Worse, though, because of the meanness and the urge to extend this conflict.
And now what the fuck are you supposed to do cohabiting with Pouty McPissypants while he stews until... what? He one day goes back to normal and this is never addressed, I'm sure, until nastiness rears up again. I'm sorry you're dealing with this stress of wanting to stick up for yourself and maybe not knowing how hard it's wise to push.
And now what the fuck are you supposed to do cohabiting with Pouty McPissypants while he stews until... what? He one day goes back to normal and this is never addressed, I'm sure, until nastiness rears up again. I'm sorry you're dealing with this stress of wanting to stick up for yourself and maybe not knowing how hard it's wise to push.