@mariahhgrim I'm sorry you're going through this. I read an article recently that said to expect teenagers to be more difficult during COVID-19 and quarantine because they are living through a situation that is totally out of their control and that's scary. One thing they can control is how much they fight with their parents. Since we have been on lockdown, my 15 year old daughter has bickered with me about the most minuscule things, and it has helped me to think of it like this: she doesn't have control of school, she doesn't have control over not seeing friends, she doesn't have control over the virus or its economic impact; the one thing she can control is her arguments with me, so she's doing that. It's an understandable response. It doesn't mean I let her get away with it, but it keeps me from taking it personally. I hope this helps. And good luck!
***Long Post*** 13yo Son said to Me “I hate you, you f*cking b*tch.” First time he’s cursed at me
- Thread starter mariahhgrim
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mariahhgrim
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@mariahhgrim Does he act this way to his dad?
He needs a stern talking to. Either by a police man or his dad or someone else. I don't get along with my kid's mom but I'd never let him talk to her that way. Every kid needs to learn proper boundaries of behavior.
He needs a stern talking to. Either by a police man or his dad or someone else. I don't get along with my kid's mom but I'd never let him talk to her that way. Every kid needs to learn proper boundaries of behavior.
mariahhgrim
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@spacenl My son basically glorifies, defends him to the end, and wouldn’t dare disrespect him. Although we were young parents, his dad has never grown up and never taken responsibility. He is an alcoholic, has been unemployed for most of our son’s life and hasn’t made a serious effort to improve his life, so I doubt that he’d be of much help.
I’m thinking of strong male role models that we know who can have a heart to heart with him.
Thanks for your advice and for being a supportive father
I’m thinking of strong male role models that we know who can have a heart to heart with him.
Thanks for your advice and for being a supportive father
@mariahhgrim I'm sorry to hear that. May be worth at least telling the dad about this incident. I think he should be aware, unless you think he'll completely blow it off or something.
You can have that talk with him too, if you haven't already. He needs to know it's not ok to do that. There should be consequences if it continues.
Thanks, same to you.
You can have that talk with him too, if you haven't already. He needs to know it's not ok to do that. There should be consequences if it continues.
Thanks, same to you.
mariahhgrim
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@mariahhgrim You're welcome. Also try not to take his words too personally. I remember being a kid and saying horrible things to my parents that I would obviously never say today. Kids go through so many phases.
el_help_me
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@mariahhgrim This was horrifying and hilarious, specifically the (I hate you you fcking bitch. Fck you n*gga.” (And no, we aren’t black).
I would have lost my mind and left him on the side of the road. Thanks for sharing your stress. I have no idea how to handle an unruly male teenager. I personally think a masculine figure is important but I was downvoted for saying that. So I won't emphasize it. Good luck mom!
I would have lost my mind and left him on the side of the road. Thanks for sharing your stress. I have no idea how to handle an unruly male teenager. I personally think a masculine figure is important but I was downvoted for saying that. So I won't emphasize it. Good luck mom!
mariahhgrim
New member
@el_help_me 
Yeah, and he made his voice all tough guy deep lol. Like, little boy, who do you think you are?
I totally agree 100% on the need of a masculine figure. I’ve been doing it on my own as a woman and have tried finding role models in: Friends and Family, multiple Sports leagues/training year round every year since he was 7, YMCA, instruments/art, after-school programs, Sunday school/church, boys summer camp, therapy, sports/historical figures....but it doesn’t replace a good father. It is what it is. Thanks for your kind words and humor
Yeah, and he made his voice all tough guy deep lol. Like, little boy, who do you think you are? I totally agree 100% on the need of a masculine figure. I’ve been doing it on my own as a woman and have tried finding role models in: Friends and Family, multiple Sports leagues/training year round every year since he was 7, YMCA, instruments/art, after-school programs, Sunday school/church, boys summer camp, therapy, sports/historical figures....but it doesn’t replace a good father. It is what it is. Thanks for your kind words and humor
heartthatlongs
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@mariahhgrim Next time record his baby-like tantrum and tell him you’re going to post it on social media for the world to see. Bet he’ll stop real quick
mariahhgrim
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@heartthatlongs He’s had three this week, and I have live footage 
.
It’s my amo. I don’t want to be cruel and put him on blast, but it’s there just in case
.It’s my amo. I don’t want to be cruel and put him on blast, but it’s there just in case
heartthatlongs
New member
@mariahhgrim Omgosh you are wayyyy nicer than me! I would “accidentally” send it to his friends or their mom’s so that they’d show him. Honestly, he sounds like he needs a butt-kicking from someone he respects/fears. Violence isn’t always the answer, but sometimes kids need to be scared straight! But then again, I only know of this small moment in your life. I just hope it gets better somehow
@mariahhgrim You need family counseling. Good luck
mariahhgrim
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@mariahhgrim Stick with it. Also Brene brown has a new podcast out perhaps that would be helpful for you situation as well
mariahhgrim
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josh437781
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@mariahhgrim It sounds like you’re extremely permissive which means you’ll need to start from the bottom up to change his mentality which will result in a change in behavior.
mariahhgrim
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@josh437781 Thanks for the reply. I understand why you’d think that way considering the small picture I’ve given. But at my house and office there are rules. He is responsible for making his bed, grooming himself, cleaning up after himself, making his lunch, throwing the trash out, washing dishes, and other chores as needed.
He’s expected and reminded to act like a gentleman at all times. He has time limits and restrictions on his phone and Xbox. He’s in sports year round. He gets straight As in school. I don’t go back on my word and I follow through with both rewards and consequences. He’s in Sunday school, family therapy, I’m in individual therapy and I constantly show and teach him about virtuosity because I actually really care about his character development!
His dad’s family gives him absolutely no responsibilities and my mother doesn’t help when she’s around either. He’s treated like a damn prince and spoiled rotten by my mother and his paternal family. And nobody cares or listens to me. They have this victim mentality towards him. And to make matters worse, his father is a terrible male role model, which would take a whole other post to explain.
This is the first time he’s cursed at me and he hasn’t apologized or spoken to me since. This is the third major tantrum since Monday. “Extremely permissive” is something that I’m not. I’d say I’m closer to authoritarian style, and definitely trying to stay away from permissive and authoritative.
I have a lot of learning to do. There’s always room for improvement. Over the last year I’ve focused on keeping it cool when he pushes my buttons instead of yelling, etc. That’s been tough, but I’ve been doing much better, especially recently. From the ground up is where I’ve started and I hope he changes his mentality soon. Thanks again.
He’s expected and reminded to act like a gentleman at all times. He has time limits and restrictions on his phone and Xbox. He’s in sports year round. He gets straight As in school. I don’t go back on my word and I follow through with both rewards and consequences. He’s in Sunday school, family therapy, I’m in individual therapy and I constantly show and teach him about virtuosity because I actually really care about his character development!
His dad’s family gives him absolutely no responsibilities and my mother doesn’t help when she’s around either. He’s treated like a damn prince and spoiled rotten by my mother and his paternal family. And nobody cares or listens to me. They have this victim mentality towards him. And to make matters worse, his father is a terrible male role model, which would take a whole other post to explain.
This is the first time he’s cursed at me and he hasn’t apologized or spoken to me since. This is the third major tantrum since Monday. “Extremely permissive” is something that I’m not. I’d say I’m closer to authoritarian style, and definitely trying to stay away from permissive and authoritative.
I have a lot of learning to do. There’s always room for improvement. Over the last year I’ve focused on keeping it cool when he pushes my buttons instead of yelling, etc. That’s been tough, but I’ve been doing much better, especially recently. From the ground up is where I’ve started and I hope he changes his mentality soon. Thanks again.
josh437781
New member
@mariahhgrim Ok.
katrina2017
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@josh437781 I FEEL your answer. Lol