@fauekie I’ve been practicing being kinder and more loving when he’s having a hard time, but this is outright disrespect. Especially for everything I do for him, mostly by myself!
In the tantrum he yelled “Why do you do this to me?! Why do you hate me so much?”
When his dad’s family has him, he is treated like royalty, as he is with my mother. But with them there are no rules, consequences, structure, etc.
@mariahhgrim Those folks are definitely not helping the situation. I am sorry. This, too, shall pass. You deserve exactly NONE of his attitude. You are doing great, keep on putting one foot ahead of the other. Hugs!
@mariahhgrim Sounds like you’re his safe space. After being with his other parent for two weeks (I’m guessing that’s longer than normal). He’s probably exhausted from ‘behaving’ for them. So he lets it all go with you and that comes in the form of lashing out and poor choices.
Add teenage hormones and emotions and the fact the whole world has just been turned on it’s head is it any wonder we’re not all having a tantrum.
Be kind to yourself, it’s crap that the stable loving parent gets the worst behaviour but see it as a sign that you’re doing a great job
@thebiblealone Thank you for your comforting reply Yes, I am his safe space. He usually is with me 90% of the time. He acts like a complete angel with the other family, so when I bring up issues like this, they don’t believe me or try to make it sound like I’m too hard on him.
Thanks, I’ve been trying to put my self care above all else. This was just completely shocking. He’s had tantrums before, but I’ve never heard him curse before. Especially at me. Ahhh the joys of parenting lol.
He’d be sitting in a prison cell of a room with no social media,tv or games if it was me. I’d definitely be making him rethink his whole life for pulling shit like that. He’s not a little baby, and he wouldn’t be acting like that ever again.
Edit: I’m not talking out of my ass. I have a son who is 19 now and a great young man, but at 13 I was just like you and at my wit’s end. 13 year old boys are absolute assholes to their mothers, and it’s twice as hard when you’re a single mom (I was too) because you’ve got no back up when you don’t know what the hell to do and are struggling. The only thing that had any pull to get him to change his behaviour was removing his privileges like his phone and video games. It’s not fun. Hell, you end up feeling like you’re the one grounded because now you’re stuck with a snotty bored teenager, but it will make him think twice the next time he feels like shouting obscenities at you in a public place if he knows he’s going to lose the things he wants the most.
@hadassahme THANK YOU The privileges have been stripped.
And I totally get it about the adult feeling grounded haha. But I’m going to take the Xbox and hook it up in my locked office so I can watch Netflix or whatever else tickles my fancy.
All he has left is a pile of books that I’ve left on his desk and his guitar. Have fun, child of the corn. Bwahaha
@hadassahme During a normal time, I’d agree with this. But not during a global pandemic. He is experiencing trauma as a result of world events that his brain simply cannot process. WE as adults cannot process. He needs love and support, not penalties and consequences.
@jason76 She was loving and supporting, making him a cool space, providing good food (I ducking wish I had 2n pizzas and some brownies right now) and he turned around and did that. That wasn’t trauma due to a pandemic, that was pure and simple entitled, lazy, greedy teenage behaviour.
@mariahhgrim Put away the games. No more games. No, I'm not saying video games cause violence. When my kids are on video games or tv or phone all day they act out HORRIBLY. Introduce books and other activities that are not screen related. For real.
@katrina2017 These screens are causing all kinds of self destructive behavior. It is so sad what our society is turning into because we are too stressed to raise our kids, too confused to forge healthy relationships and too poor to get off the cycle.
I have started teaching my 5 year old about quiet time. It includes something calming, maybe music, coloring, watching a story on tv or tablet, but the activity must quiet the central nervous system. So far she looks forward to it.
@katrina2017 Thanks That’s what I’ve noticed too. It turns them into monsters. I let it slide because it was Saturday, but no more. And after he pulled that crap, the phone and games are completely gone for a month.
@mariahhgrim That’s a hard thing to go through. My oldest child is 14 going on 15 and she’s a handful and half. I’m also a single mom and have a 10 and 9 yr old as well. When my daughter gets upset she instantly goes for the worst things she can think of. It’ll start slow with “that’s stupid, I don’t want to” and when I correct her on calling my decisions stupid she loses it. It’s ended with me having to physically drag her to her bedroom before which is really difficult because she’s taller and outweighs me by about 50lbs. I almost dread my boys hitting puberty, they’re going to be huge like their dad and my middle child has already screamed that he hates me and started breaking my stuff. We always resolve it in the end but I can’t seem to make much progress with my daughter, when she’s in a bad mood she just is and we all have to tip toe or it’s an explosive fight. Sometimes I think about dating again just to have another adult around to back me up lol but I know that’s the wrong reason and honestly I’m so busy trying to keep our lives happy, healthy and at times just functioning. Good luck to you, I know it’s hard. Sometimes I remind myself that my time with her is limited and rapidly declining and I feel a little better about simply being patient.
@katrina2017 That sounds so tough especially with three! I can’t even imagine. Mine refused to give me the phone last night, so I was trying to lock it from my phone. He kept following me and cornering me around the lobby. I went to my office to lock myself in there and he pushed his way through my door. He’s definitely stronger than me and it’s starting to make me nervous that he will become violent when he’s angry. He’s over 6ft tall and his body language was hostile. I was even having thoughts that he might hurt me while I’m asleep. So sad . He’s my favorite kid, this sucks! I thought the teen years would be fun. Ha!
@mariahhgrim My sixteen year old threw a tantrum earlier so you have my empathy. It's so hard not to yell at them when they are making our lives harder.
You two need therapy. Individually and together. He needs someone who specializes in teenagers and has experience. Also, not to hate on CBT but that modality did not work for my kids. They needed more of the play therapy/art therapy side of things. CBT was just boring and irritating to them.
@levarchknight Thanks for the reply and for your empathy. I’ve been in individual therapy for over a year, and we’ve been in family therapy since June. I’m doing DBT and it’s helped tremendously with not reacting. Through our family therapy program, it will transition to individual for him once it’s done.
you all are so supportive and making me feel better. Hugs back to you 
. He’s my favorite kid, this sucks! I thought the teen years would be fun. Ha!