@kurari I was in this dilemma as the preggo wife. We traveled 5.5 hours for our good friends’ wedding at 36weeks. Had a blast. They called us out in celebration for making the trip during the reception (the entire event was open air and outside).
The drive was terrible. I got COVID. Baby was born 38w5d via emergency c-section and spent 7 weeks in the NICU and we almost lost her. if I could go back, I would not have gone. I would have stayed home, sulked, cried for missing another party and let my husband go if he wanted to. We talked about the risks for weeks and made the wrong choice.
At 7 months she’s still recovering and I will live with regret.
If you're asking this question "for a friend", your "friend" seems to have already checked out of the relationship/parenthood so might as well tear off the bandaid and move forward with it. No need to prolong it.
I had a similar situation and it wasn't even a question.
(paraphrasing) "Sorry man, pregaganante wife so we won't be able to make it. Once the baby comes though I'd love to celebrate with you and the new wife." His reply was, "Didn't expect you guys to come. I just wanted to make sure you knew you guys were included and we know you will be right here with us even if you're 3 hours away. If the baby comes, I don't care if it's in the middle of the ceremony you call/facetime/something to let us know how it's going."
@kurari You can go, but only if you make sure she has a close friend/family member either staying with her or very nearby in your absence. B is definitely the worst option.
@kurari I feel like people aren’t really listening to you enough. We don’t know your situation, and you did call it a can’t miss wedding.
B is absolutely off the table but A could be done appropriately, you just have to fully communicate, talk through, and lay ground rules with your wife.
A lot can happen in that last month. I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension and induced three days later due to pre-eclampsia worries at 36w. Your friend wouldn’t want to be five hours away if that happened. They would want to be at home (perhaps last minute assembling the nursery dresser like I was at 36w).
@kurari I did a work trip at 36 weeks - it was with my new company and I really benefited from going (remote company, meeting is the only face-to-face time of the year), even though the company absolutely didn't expect me to go. My wife insisted that I went too. However, she had her mum staying with us in case labor started. In the end the baby came exactly on time. We knew there was a chance I'd miss it but for us we were prepared to risk it.
