Solo trip w/o wife @36wks: good or bad idea?

@kurari I was in this dilemma as the preggo wife. We traveled 5.5 hours for our good friends’ wedding at 36weeks. Had a blast. They called us out in celebration for making the trip during the reception (the entire event was open air and outside).

The drive was terrible. I got COVID. Baby was born 38w5d via emergency c-section and spent 7 weeks in the NICU and we almost lost her. if I could go back, I would not have gone. I would have stayed home, sulked, cried for missing another party and let my husband go if he wanted to. We talked about the risks for weeks and made the wrong choice.

At 7 months she’s still recovering and I will live with regret.
 
@kurari 100% A.

If you're asking this question "for a friend", your "friend" seems to have already checked out of the relationship/parenthood so might as well tear off the bandaid and move forward with it. No need to prolong it.

I had a similar situation and it wasn't even a question.

(paraphrasing) "Sorry man, pregaganante wife so we won't be able to make it. Once the baby comes though I'd love to celebrate with you and the new wife." His reply was, "Didn't expect you guys to come. I just wanted to make sure you knew you guys were included and we know you will be right here with us even if you're 3 hours away. If the baby comes, I don't care if it's in the middle of the ceremony you call/facetime/something to let us know how it's going."

Leaving my wife at him was never even a thought.
 
@kurari We were invited to a wedding 5 hours drive away slightly earlier in my wife's first pregnancy - we declined and wished the happy couple well.

Shame, because it was an awesome if slightly remote venue, but my wife was in no state to make the trip.
 
@kurari B is an absolute hard no. I would consider A but would heavily depend on how wife felt and how good a friend were talking.

When my wife was 36ish I took a work trip an hour away and was nervous the whole time.

She ended up getting induced at 40.
 
Thanks all for the responses. I’ll pass this wisdom along to my friend, should the situation ever arise.
 
@kurari You can go, but only if you make sure she has a close friend/family member either staying with her or very nearby in your absence. B is definitely the worst option.
 
@kurari I feel like people aren’t really listening to you enough. We don’t know your situation, and you did call it a can’t miss wedding.

B is absolutely off the table but A could be done appropriately, you just have to fully communicate, talk through, and lay ground rules with your wife.
 
@kurari C. Respectfully decline.

A lot can happen in that last month. I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension and induced three days later due to pre-eclampsia worries at 36w. Your friend wouldn’t want to be five hours away if that happened. They would want to be at home (perhaps last minute assembling the nursery dresser like I was at 36w).
 
@kurari I did a work trip at 36 weeks - it was with my new company and I really benefited from going (remote company, meeting is the only face-to-face time of the year), even though the company absolutely didn't expect me to go. My wife insisted that I went too. However, she had her mum staying with us in case labor started. In the end the baby came exactly on time. We knew there was a chance I'd miss it but for us we were prepared to risk it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

J
3 weeks solo with toddler. Ways to ease the load?
2
Replies
37
Views
349
jellofishxo
J
W
Solo parenting
Replies
8
Views
171
1way76
1
L
Solo travel carrier for 18-lb baby?
Replies
15
Views
162
djames1958
D
L
Solo parents, would you have another?
Replies
9
Views
101
lovethyneighbourasthyself
L
C
Solo-dadding for 3 days while wife is gone, and just took it from a 0/10 night to a 10/10 morning
6 7 8
Replies
147
Views
739
katrina2017
K
Back
Top