Really having a hard time 4w2d

[nihouni]

@tgrills I had constant meltdowns for the first 2 weeks after my positive. The irony in it all is the meltdowns were probably part of my pregnancy hormones, so I would sometimes be laughing at that while crying out of fear lol. My anxiety went away after my first appt went well, but it’s back up now that my next one is on the horizon. It’s such a scary thing to go through after a loss, for me it’s all I’ve known and what I still expect. I realized how much I was not prepared for what pregnancy would feel like after a loss and started therapy. For me, it’s helping to count down to my next appt, like tomorrow is Wednesday, then Thursday, then it’s my appt day. You’ve got this!

 

[tgrills]

@nihouni I need a therapist, I also had nooo idea what my first loss would do to me this second time around. I like you expect nothing else but loss. And I had the same moment today. Crying. Then laughing that it’s probably good and just my hormones lol what a mess. I’m hoping my anxiety goes down a bit like yours. Good luck at your next appmt. And thanks for helping me not feel so along every single woman in this group has been a lifesaver and I’m crushed that we’re all experiencing this together

 

[gracemercy]

@tgrills I promise it’s gets easier as time goes on, at first every little twinge and ache I was nervous something bad was going to happen. I’m going on 9 weeks now and I feel so much relief! I’ve gotten to see baby twice and she has a heartbeat that’s only getting stronger. I still have some nervousness occasionally but it isn’t consuming me anymore. Best of luck mama

 

[tgrills]

@gracemercy Thank you I’m so glad to hear it gets a bit better. I appreciate you and everyone in this community being so supportive and kind

 

[josephjurg]

@tgrills Stop testing with inito. It's not accurate at all for hormone levels. It's great for trends but not actual numbers. It absolutely can't tell you your hcg levels.

 

[tgrills]

@josephjurg Thank you

 

[thisisjustme]

@tgrills I’m in the same boat of being so nervous of another loss. The only thing that is making me not lose my mind is just praying and asking God to relive my anxiety. I put together some prayers and scripture verses in my notes. If you or anyone wants them let me know.

 

[johnk001]

@tgrills My Inito kept showing negative changes, but my beta HCG was doubling every 24 hrs. I get the anxiety after two losses, but locking my Inito away was my best idea for me. I’m now at 6 w 4 days. The farthest I’ve ever gotten. Just remember that all that Inito is good for is the trends.

 

[tgrills]

@johnk001 Thank you I boxed it up yesterday and put it away for good. That makes me feel a lot better I appreciate you sharing your experience and am wishing the best for you this pregnancy

 

[wedemars]

@tgrills I understand your struggle. I’m 5+4 today and I am so scared for another loss. I ran my betas and according to them I’m on the right track but I still don’t believe them. My pregnancy tests are all now dye stealers and I don’t believe them either. I have an U/S at the end of the month to check for viability and I’m so scared to see it but also impatient for it. My symptoms have mostly been cramping and back aches and I’m scared every time I go to the bathroom.

By the way, the inito doesn’t test for HCG. LH shouldn’t be high in your system during pregnancy so it makes sense that those numbers drop. Your betas will hopefully help to reassure you though I found them to cause me different stresses and I became obsessed with the meaning behind the numbers and the doubling rates. So I just caution you about that.

Statistically, you and baby are likely doing well but only the betas and then the U/S will really tell you that. I know the fears, stress, and anxiety. It’s miserable and some days I don’t function well. I cannot go through another loss and know that a lot of women are in the same boat as us so please don’t feel alone.

 

[tgrills]

@wedemars Idky I’m crying but thank you. I feel so alone but I really know I’m not. I know it. It’s so unfair we have to struggle with these fears because of prior loss. It feels so isolating you know? I know your US will be perfect and I hope you feel better after that. I also hope my betas don’t make this worse for me but I’m sure they will lol damn it all

 

[wedemars]

@tgrills Thank you! Im sure everything will be perfect for you as well. My advice is to take good news as good whenever you can. If your doctor says your betas are good then try not to over analyze it. I know… impossible, but try. I hated having pregnancy symptoms before but now whenever one pops up during the day or night it actually reassures me (except the cramps and back pain) even if I feel miserable at least I tell myself that pregnancy symptoms likely mean a healthy pregnancy.

I felt alone when I had my recent loss even though I had support all around me. No one around me actually knew what I was going through and now no one around me understands the fear and anxiety I have about it now.

Best of luck to you and your baby!

 

[tgrills]

@wedemars Thank you, wishing you the best too. Thank you so much. I know exactly how you feel. It’s so isolating. My best friend is like a week ahead of me (with her second) and hasn’t a worry in the world lol it’s wild to me what this does to us. Keep me posted on how it goes. We’ve got this

 

[chrestotes]

@tgrills I’m so sorry that you are in this place right now. It’s very, very hard. I know this isn’t for everyone, but what has helped me was ordering own betas. Obviously it can be distressing too but it’s at least more accurate than trying to analyze tests which has made me insane multiple times. I hope this stage passes quickly for you.

 

[tgrills]

@chrestotes Thank you so much for your caring reply. I luckily have betas scheduled for Thursday. I am trying to hold out until then but I looked into a few local places that will do them for me. Unfortunately they don’t have same day results so I’m on the fence about it. Luckily (but like not at all) because of prior loss my clinic will test my betas every 48 hours for a good week or so even if they look good. I really feel like that will soothe my soul but who knows what other crazy will creep in after that lol

 

[chrestotes]

@tgrills Oh good, so you just need to get through tomorrow and then you should hopefully get your first beta back Thursday. In that case I probably wouldn’t go to another lab bc it might be slightly different from your clinic since it will be different labs and could cause more anxiety.
I’m 6w1d today and still struggling, I definitely understand the never ending worries.

 

[tgrills]

@chrestotes That’s actually a really great point thank you! I would have definitely spiraled over that too you’re so nice to chat with me I really appreciate it it means a lot. Has it gotten any easier hitting week six? Congrats btw!

 

[chrestotes]

@tgrills Thanks, I’ve honestly been an absolute mess from day 1. The betas did help a little bit, although my doubling time was slower than average so that caused panic too. I was convinced it was over so many times. I think it’s a tiny bit easier just in the sense that I’ve adjusted to the anxiety if that makes sense. I do think if you get a good set of initial betas it will help to ease the anxiety a little bit and hopefully those can tide you over until your first scan. Do you have an appt booked yet?

 

[tgrills]

@chrestotes Aww I feel that. I’m hoping I adjust to the anxiety too. No scan scheduled. My clinic does it at 6.5 weeks for IUI patients and will schedule it after 2 betas doubling as they should. So I should hopefully either know it’s doomed or have a scan scheduled by Saturday lol I’m feeling a little better today tho. Didn’t test and have been extremely nauseous since around 4am which sucks but also has me feeling a bit reassured

 

[chrestotes]

@tgrills I’m glad you’re feeling a little better today. The nausea is very reassuring. And avoiding testing probably helps a lot too tbh.