i’m worried that my eating disorder will come back post partum and I’m really scared

[perez1001]

@aiambutasmallvoice I can relate to this so much. I am 33 weeks now, and I struggled with an eating disorder for many years. It has not been easy, but things have been better than I ever expected. First of all, the changes happen gradually so I've had a lot of time to prepare myself for my bump getting bigger. Second, your body needs extra calories just for growing the baby, please keep that in. mind. Exercise has been a big help to me mentally and physically, but I do have to alter my routine depending on the day. Sometimes I feel great, other times I need to slow down. My coach (I am a triathlete) has given me workouts based on heart rate and effort rather than pace or other markers. Also, it is kind of fun to think of this as a new challenge. I am no longer exercising for personal bests or competition, but its cool to see what I can do with a baby bump and I've been proud of what I've accomplished.

Most importantly, do you have a treatment team? That has been crucial for me. I have a therapist, dietitian, and sports medicine doctor whom I trust, and they have helped me a lot. I also talk to my partner about it a lot, and we are making a plan postpartum with warning signs to look out for, who to contact if I struggle, and things I feel I need to help me stay well.

Also, it is worth talking to your OB about your history. Mine does not weigh me as often as other patients, and that has been helpful. I also do all of my weights without looking so I do not become fixated on numbers. I go by my health and how the baby is growing.

 

[aiambutasmallvoice]

@perez1001 i will definitely bring it up at my next appointment because it is a big concern of mine…not necessarily the weight gain because i know that’s needed in order to grow a healthy baby but just the fear of falling back into that unhealthy mindset pp. i’m trying to just listen to my body and eat when i feel i need to. i try and do at least 3 meals a day but sometimes it’s hard to meet that because i have no cravings and i just feel full all of the time. i’m hoping that changes though

 

[katrina2017]

@aiambutasmallvoice Although this isn’t good long term advice for curing an ED - If you struggle with taking in enough calories or restricting, what I would do is literally read scary stories of what could happen to myself or baby if I purposely kept restricting myself. It felt like that was enough to scare me into eating on the days it was hard. Again, not good long term advice or for postpartum necessarily but better than not eating.

 

[jaselah]

@aiambutasmallvoice Not sure if this is any help, but just wanted to say, when I was in my early 20s, I used to drive to different nursing homes to draw blood for people’s medical tests. Often I would be triggered by patients’ charts because they included their weights. 104, 98, 95 lb… it was very common to see that. My GW was 100, and seeing all these numbers around that range would legitimately make me envious. Well, that was insane. Because I would get there to draw their blood, and truly these old women looked frail and sad and far worse than their peers at higher body weights. I know EDs distort your perception—they certainly did mine—but I will say this was an absolute wake up call that an unhealthily low body weight has a very short shelf life and a very small margin for looking “cute.” I mean, I will just level with you and say, personally to this day, I think Kate Moss and Fiona Apple looked good in the 90s. I still see Natalie Portman in Black Swan and think, damn, she looks amazing. But eventually, you age out of that 18-24 cohort. You don’t get to be the slim, solemn, sexy ingenue forever. And then what are you left with? Heroin chic just looks sick. It ages like milk. The women in their late 30s, 40s and 50s whose bodies look good to me are the ones who are just super fit. Not frail and breakable. Good posture, muscle tone, look like they traded cardio for lifting heavy. You know, Shakira and J Lo, I guess. I can accept that I may always subconsciously idealize that too-skinny look, but I’m kind of welcoming pregnancy as a rite of passage in terms of aging to transition to a healthy, fit body type, not borderline worryingly gaunt.

 

[speedkr7911]

@aiambutasmallvoice Something I was told early on, was to think of my body as being rented out from the time of conception until at least a year post partum. From the shoulders down, your body is no longer your’s and your baby’s. This somehow was a kind of comfort for me.

 

[sofialo09]

@aiambutasmallvoice I think it would be smart of you to get into regular therapy or maybe an outpatient program for your eating disorder.

Anxiety skyrockets once the baby arrives, and can trigger a big ED relapse.