shnoudashnouda
New member
@kerithravine410 Sounds like my ex
One and done because my partner will never carry the same mental and physical load when it comes to taking care of this child
- Thread starter kerithravine410
- Start date
@kerithravine410 Good on you for advocating for yourself. I could bore you to death with the stories where my husband didn’t step up so please learn from the collective experience and please make your man do better!
If not you’ll end up like me, working full time and still looking after the household. My husband sent me a text asking for the code to get into daycare, my son has gone there since he was 11 months old. He’s nearly 5.
If not you’ll end up like me, working full time and still looking after the household. My husband sent me a text asking for the code to get into daycare, my son has gone there since he was 11 months old. He’s nearly 5.
@kerithravine410 There’s a good book about this called Fair Play, I am reading it now
@kerithravine410 I’m sorry you’re in this situation, and regarding your last sentence…No jury would convict
lifeisagift
New member
@kerithravine410 This is insane and I'm so sorry. I just realised now that the woman literally bears all the pain, energy, grief etc. Im talking just pregnancy at the moment! Not even the rest of it
I have help from my partner and I am OAD. You are truely a tough woman.
I have help from my partner and I am OAD. You are truely a tough woman.
polishedmud
New member
@kerithravine410 You signed on for a partnership.to take care of one . Tell him to sign over his parent rights and boot him to the curb.
@kerithravine410 Oh heyyyyy 
this was my exact life 18 months ago. EXACTLY. Non-working husband, me working from home, 12 month old baby that nurses at night - the full shebang. So I am talking to you from the future I guess?
Please get help immediately to disrupt this dynamic. I tried to ride it out, waiting for him to pick himself back up from recent events, and ultimately around my child turning 2, got to the point of needing help with my suicidal ideation. Not because I was actually that depressed or mentally ill but because I was SO fucking sleep deprived! And because I was so sleep deprived after 2 full years of this shit (plus pregnancy and not enough time on leave because I had to get back to work to pay the bills - you know the story because you’re living it) I didn’t have the energy to change or challenge anything, particularly my shitty marriage. It is a dark, lonely space to be in. Scary thoughts creeped in.
Things do get better, but only when the weight of that relationship is off your back. I don’t necessarily mean to break up, but the current dynamic has to change. Gotta rip that bandaid off
After I scared the jeebers out of myself with my late night thoughts, my care plan was to start with some sleep. After a couple of nights of uninterrupted sleep and my husband caring for the baby, I finally had enough in my tank to start the real conversation. Not the equal load conversation, but the ‘this isn’t working’ conversation. To my surprise, with counselling, we’re in a completely new and loving dance (and it also helps that the baby is that little bit older). But if the relationship didn’t work out, I would be equally happy with that as the outcome. Our babies need happy healthy parents, not particular family structures.
Sending so much love and care for your tender heart right now - not being allowed to fall apart because of babies and bills, whilst carrying the immense pain of a partner basically abandoning you whilst still being physically present, is just torture. Thanks so much for reaching out. It’s so important to know we’re not alone.
this was my exact life 18 months ago. EXACTLY. Non-working husband, me working from home, 12 month old baby that nurses at night - the full shebang. So I am talking to you from the future I guess?Please get help immediately to disrupt this dynamic. I tried to ride it out, waiting for him to pick himself back up from recent events, and ultimately around my child turning 2, got to the point of needing help with my suicidal ideation. Not because I was actually that depressed or mentally ill but because I was SO fucking sleep deprived! And because I was so sleep deprived after 2 full years of this shit (plus pregnancy and not enough time on leave because I had to get back to work to pay the bills - you know the story because you’re living it) I didn’t have the energy to change or challenge anything, particularly my shitty marriage. It is a dark, lonely space to be in. Scary thoughts creeped in.
Things do get better, but only when the weight of that relationship is off your back. I don’t necessarily mean to break up, but the current dynamic has to change. Gotta rip that bandaid off
After I scared the jeebers out of myself with my late night thoughts, my care plan was to start with some sleep. After a couple of nights of uninterrupted sleep and my husband caring for the baby, I finally had enough in my tank to start the real conversation. Not the equal load conversation, but the ‘this isn’t working’ conversation. To my surprise, with counselling, we’re in a completely new and loving dance (and it also helps that the baby is that little bit older). But if the relationship didn’t work out, I would be equally happy with that as the outcome. Our babies need happy healthy parents, not particular family structures.
Sending so much love and care for your tender heart right now - not being allowed to fall apart because of babies and bills, whilst carrying the immense pain of a partner basically abandoning you whilst still being physically present, is just torture. Thanks so much for reaching out. It’s so important to know we’re not alone.
teachermomto3
New member
@kerithravine410 I feel the same way, one and down because my partner is useless in helping to provide childcare.the only redeeming factor is he at least works and make enough money to cover takeout/nanny/housekeeper. This morning I was trying to get a little extra sleep cuz it’s sat and baby is sleeping in with me and he walks into our room and wake her up because he wanted to see her for a second before going to to bed ( he works night). Ugh.
ugotafriendnme
New member
@kerithravine410 You’re not one and done cause you already have two babies :/
Try to get him to a playgroup where he might meet more involved dads. He needs some role models. Also, get him to watch Bluey with the kid. The Dad in that is relatable but also a good dad.
Try to get him to a playgroup where he might meet more involved dads. He needs some role models. Also, get him to watch Bluey with the kid. The Dad in that is relatable but also a good dad.