@striveforclarity So many people suggest shifts but here's an alternate option that worked for me and my husband with both of our girls (and we plan for this one too). Instead of shifts we had jobs. Baby would wake up, my husband would change her diaper while I got set up for breastfeeding. He would hand her over and if it was a long nursing session he would doze. When she was done I would put her back (or hand her over to be put back in the first couple weeks post C-section). If she needed some extra time to get back down usually my husband would handle that while I dozed, which was a good tradeoff because my first would pull some 40 minute nursing sessions at night.
The night before he went back to work we tried me handling everything and it was a nightmare. It was one of those bad ones where she peed on everything and I was nearly in tears when my husband got up...and then she peed on him too . He just decided that the way we were doing things was better anyway. It maximized everyone's sleep.
Remember that childcare, especially of newborn through toddler, is a full time job too.
@striveforclarity In the first month I was so tired that I couldn't wake up to my baby screaming, so my husband woke up first and kept shaking me till I did. Then he'd sleep and I'd breastfeed. Now, If one could choose, I'd say you should wake up like 70% of the time while the working partner 30%? Because you do need to rest as well, otherwise you can't care fore the baby at all and it's actually dangerous.
@striveforclarity Is he literally saving lives at work? If not, “I don’t want to ask this of him while he’s working”, nope, uhuh, stop saying that. You don’t want to ask him what? To be a parent and equal partner?
As the working mom with my SAHD partner I can resoundingly confirm my full time, stressful job is way easier than taking care of an infant. Many times over.
You both equally need your sleep. Try shifts as others recommended. As a breastfeeding mom, “shifts” meant different things at different stages. But “I’ll do it all to spare him any minor discomfort” is NOT the answer unless you want to be a miserable, resentful wife.
@striveforclarity We did shifts. Husband would do 9pm-2amish and then I’d take over. He slept downstairs either baby and then when he needed to eat around 2am brought him to me. Husband feed him formula during his shift. That way we each got a solid chunk of sleep.
With our first we’d both wake up to baby crying, I’d nurse, hand over baby and he would burp or follow up with a bottle. Sometimes I wouldn’t nurse cause I was too tired and he’d just do a bottle. Husband would change the diapers in between boobs.
@striveforclarity If you have hsa or fsa, check if it covers night nurse costs. That might be a way to help you both especially during the initial weeks.
@striveforclarity I am a SAHM and my hubby works. For my first, I would sleep from like 8:00 til midnight and then cover the rest of the night. I would also catch up on sleep on the weekend. Just having that 4 hour stretch really made a huge difference.
@striveforclarity Didn't have much help at night. Not because he wasn't willing, but because I could nap and make up for the lost time elsewhere. Instead of doing nights, he'd find other ways to ease the work. Like bedtime, meals, cleaning, laundry, and more. It was a nice trade off.
@striveforclarity My husband and I did shifts, where he (the night owl) would take the baby 9pm- 2am and I would go from 2am- 7am. You gotta use that time to SLEEP though (I found it hard to let go and unwind even though I really wanted to sleep)! We combo fed so I would breastfeed right before 9pm then just expect to be really full later... If I was lucky enough to get a long stretch of sleep.
My husband would usually go to bed at 11pm or 12am but if the baby woke before 2am he was responsible for getting the baby sorted. If the baby needed another feed and had already had a bottle, he would pass the baby to me to feed but would do the nappy change and putting them back to bed himself.
As others have said, the job of being a SAHP is important and requires you to not be sleep-deprived!
Also- I recommend ear plugs where possible... I found it near-impossible to sleep when I could hear our baby crying.
@striveforclarity I did almost all the wake ups with our oldest (do not recommend) and we did shifts with our twins. I would sleep from 8-2 and then would take over from 2-8. We were each able to cobble together about 7-8 hours every night.
. He just decided that the way we were doing things was better anyway. It maximized everyone's sleep.