(18) (F) so i have a 1 year old daughter; are guys willing to date someone with a child…?
- Thread starter dogmahunter
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sterlingcamp
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Love yourself and your child first and foremost.@dogmahunter You are 18 and a single mother. Focus on securing a career and raising your daughter and then worry about dating when your child is older
blondebriana
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@lives4him Yes, and the right man will eventually come along. It can’t be forced.
babe20042004
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@dogmahunter There are plenty of guys. I say focus on you and your child. The right guy comes along without going out to look for him. I’m 32f with a one year old. I’m focusing on me, my child, making money and traveling.
redruthie7889
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@dogmahunter Dating and sex comes easily. The more serious stuff on the other hand....Been single for 7 years now. I'm just going to focus on my next moves and my kid cause it's rough out there. I'm 35 btw.
beachsidebob
New member
@dogmahunter Yes plenty of men will date women with children. I would recommend waiting until your child can talk and or is in early childhood development/school before putting yourself out there. At this age your child needs to be the focus of your priority. I am also single mama of a 1yr old
blondebriana
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@beachsidebob I agree. I’m 23 with an almost 9 month old. I’m choosing to stay single for a minimum of 3-5 years so I can focus my attention and energy on the development of my child
beachsidebob
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@blondebriana Yeah, focusing on bonding with the baby for the first critical years is important. It's hard to date when they are so young
classictechy
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@dogmahunter Single dad, 26 here. Physically fit, I'd say I'm alright looking, no one interested in dating also. Gave up and just focus on me and the little one, if someone comes along they come along. If not, oh well
@dogmahunter If my wife died (God forbid), and after a respectable period of mourning, you and I met randomly in life, and I...
1) thought your child was great
2) thought YOU were great
3) liked how you interacted with MY kids
4) saw that my kids liked you
then I would consider it...if you were also in your 30s, and if your child's partner was dead.
Kidding aside, parenting is a lifestyle, and I would happily share that lifestyle with another woman whose parenting skills were A+. But...and I'm not talking about you specifically...the broad demographic of un-partnered 18-year-old mothers has, collectively, made a lot of bad decisions. College-educated guys who are partnership-minded are generally going to want someone else with a college education. Most fatherhood-minded men are going want their own children (though certainly not all). And some single guys who eagerly jump into stepfather roles are, unfortunately, a danger to your kids. And while older guys may love the idea of dating an 18-year-old girl, they're probably interested for all the wrong reasons. The smart ones will want someone with her head screwed on straight, and a little life experience under her belt.
If I were you, I would prepare for a long period of seeking out exceptionally mature young men. They do exist, but they're not easy to find. Also, do you go to church? While some religious men are judgmental, others feel duty-bound to forgive past indiscretions and serve those around them. Maybe that includes being a dad to the child of a nice young woman who is ready to lead a life of purpose.
1) thought your child was great
2) thought YOU were great
3) liked how you interacted with MY kids
4) saw that my kids liked you
then I would consider it...if you were also in your 30s, and if your child's partner was dead.
Kidding aside, parenting is a lifestyle, and I would happily share that lifestyle with another woman whose parenting skills were A+. But...and I'm not talking about you specifically...the broad demographic of un-partnered 18-year-old mothers has, collectively, made a lot of bad decisions. College-educated guys who are partnership-minded are generally going to want someone else with a college education. Most fatherhood-minded men are going want their own children (though certainly not all). And some single guys who eagerly jump into stepfather roles are, unfortunately, a danger to your kids. And while older guys may love the idea of dating an 18-year-old girl, they're probably interested for all the wrong reasons. The smart ones will want someone with her head screwed on straight, and a little life experience under her belt.
If I were you, I would prepare for a long period of seeking out exceptionally mature young men. They do exist, but they're not easy to find. Also, do you go to church? While some religious men are judgmental, others feel duty-bound to forgive past indiscretions and serve those around them. Maybe that includes being a dad to the child of a nice young woman who is ready to lead a life of purpose.
@dogmahunter Yeah at your age good luck. You definitely will find guys ri have sex with but your age group are barely living their lives, continuing their education, still in high school, want to party-not typically play house with someone. If you're not doing so already take this time to better your self-go to school or learn a trade.
@dogmahunter My best relationship was with a 19 year old girl with a 2 year old child. It was many years ago, but the 3 of us clicked and had a couple of great years together. You need to find a man with an open mind and a love of kids, which was me then. She ended up moving away with her parents, who incentivized her with college, so I understood. She ended up doing very well in life, as did her daughter.
katrina2017
New member
@dogmahunter Single dad here.
Honestly I’m your age bracket that’s just the way it is, how it was when I was 18 at least. (I’m 29 for comparison)
I try to make it pretty clear with any woman I’m interested in that I don’t want to get married or have anymore kids. I don’t want baggage or drama. I want to have someone to just do shit with.
It’s all about perspective and only surrounding yourself with people who share your similar goals, passions, and energies that you want in your life.
Just be really really careful of predatory men. If he is older than you and wants to take “care of” or “provide for” you after only being together for a short time, he’s probably a fucking creep who can’t get chicks his own age.
Honestly I’m your age bracket that’s just the way it is, how it was when I was 18 at least. (I’m 29 for comparison)
I try to make it pretty clear with any woman I’m interested in that I don’t want to get married or have anymore kids. I don’t want baggage or drama. I want to have someone to just do shit with.
It’s all about perspective and only surrounding yourself with people who share your similar goals, passions, and energies that you want in your life.
Just be really really careful of predatory men. If he is older than you and wants to take “care of” or “provide for” you after only being together for a short time, he’s probably a fucking creep who can’t get chicks his own age.
jeremiahjam
New member
@dogmahunter Short answer "yes, but. . " Now being a single mother at any age it's a minefield in dating. Your age though you're more likely to have predatory men interested in you rather than "good" men who are looking for relationships. Firstly you need to get yourself secure financially and stablized in your family of two. A lot of men think single mothers who are dating are just looking for replacement daddies or someone to financially support them. Also having a secure job/income/home is only beneficial to you.
Just to note I personally retired from dating because I've given up. I have two kids. From age 33 to 36 I did attempt dating and was never successful in that. I had my own business at the time and have my own home. Dispite that I kept being accused of wanting a guy just to support me and my kids. This was my own experience but it's still best you don't lack in anything when you put yourself out there.
Just to note I personally retired from dating because I've given up. I have two kids. From age 33 to 36 I did attempt dating and was never successful in that. I had my own business at the time and have my own home. Dispite that I kept being accused of wanting a guy just to support me and my kids. This was my own experience but it's still best you don't lack in anything when you put yourself out there.
questionasker
New member
@dogmahunter I agree with most of the other comments! They are there but not easy to find. I wanted to add that most men are intimidated by the responsibility of a child, and it might help if you work on finding a career and being able to support yourself and your child. Because of our culture men feel pressured to provide for anyone they are in a relationship with. There aren’t a lot of guys in their teens or early 20’s who could support a woman and her child. If you support yourself already, they might feel less of that pressure.
@dogmahunter You need to concentrate on yourself. Live a plentiful life with friends, a job or school and your family. You can go on dates but I wouldn't consider a relationship at all right now if i was you.
comeholyghost
New member
@dogmahunter Yes a guy will date you but you will have to wait and be patient it’s no different for a guy I’m a single dad there’s good women out there as well you just have to wait. The right one is out there
peachiemom22
New member
@dogmahunter I became a single mom at 19. My first boyfriend(he was 26, I was 21) after having a kid made it very clear that I “was lucky enough to get him as a boyfriend even though he didn’t like kids” I’ve had a string of bad boyfriends for the better part of a decade and am finally realizing taking it slow and enjoy dating and learning about the person first is the way to go.
chrissiems
New member
@dogmahunter It is a tough age to date, it would be massive for a guy as young as you to take on the responsibilities of a child that’s not his but obviously there will be the one out there that will be happy too. Probably not what you want to hear, but focus on yourself, doing what you want to do ie uni/work, your wee baby and let life come as it comes.
As a 29 year old newly single mum, I obviously have a bit more option of parents to date but can tell you I have the same issue of childless men being interested in me but that unsureness of the fact I’m a mum. I’m dating a childless guy now, it’s only been 2 months, he obv hasn’t met my kid and I’m not ready for that. But hard to know how it’ll all work out. Just make sure you and your kid are your main focus always.
As a 29 year old newly single mum, I obviously have a bit more option of parents to date but can tell you I have the same issue of childless men being interested in me but that unsureness of the fact I’m a mum. I’m dating a childless guy now, it’s only been 2 months, he obv hasn’t met my kid and I’m not ready for that. But hard to know how it’ll all work out. Just make sure you and your kid are your main focus always.