(18) (F) so i have a 1 year old daughter; are guys willing to date someone with a child…?

[nerdycatholic]

@dogmahunter I had my first at 19 and was single shortly after. I came from an abusive home and I had so much going on. I was trying to get a college degree, be a mom, and pay the bills with zero family support. I ended up getting into an unhealthy relationship and that is something I feel the consequence today and I’m 29.

I know how it feels to wanting to be wanted, to feel sexy, and to not feel alone because you have your bff. It’s tough to balance your needs and your mom duties. There is a lot of sacrificing you will be doing in order to be a good mom. Dating and socializing to name a couple. It’s harder to date in general because of time constraints. Use your best judgement. Take time to make decisions because what you do directly affects your daughter.

Also, do not let someone meet your daughter until it’s super serious and you see this person being in your life for a very long time.

 

[npd]

@dogmahunter Yes, absolutely, but at 18 they're few and far between. Be patient. Even at 28 years old I had a hard time finding one. But they are out there, and it will be worth it to wait.

 

[goitsemang]

@dogmahunter If a guy want to be with you and love you he should expect your child also it's both or nothing.

 

[shadze]

@dogmahunter Some food for thought... Cinderella effect

 

[vanesyu]

@shadze Cinderella effect

In evolutionary psychology, the Cinderella effect is the phenomenon of higher incidence of different forms of child abuse and mistreatment by stepparents than by biological parents. It takes its name from the fairy tale character Cinderella, which is about a girl who is mistreated by her stepsisters and stepmother. Evolutionary psychologists describe the effect as a byproduct of a bias towards kin, and a conflict between reproductive partners of investing in young that are unrelated to one partner.

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[katrina2017]

@dogmahunter I’m 23 F and have the same problem lol dating world is tough as a single parent, especially when young

 

[dogmahunter]

@katrina2017 i wish it was easier. i do understand why most guys wouldn’t go for a single mother though. especially so young….they just became an adult and want to party, travel, etc. i would have done the same.

 

[meenuulatha]

@dogmahunter The only thing I can think of is dating older but that comes with it’s own set of problems. Guys in their late 20s early 30s probably wouldn’t care you have a kid (assuming they are stable career wise) but then it becomes a concern of why they’re interested in you in the first place.

 

[bradcopely]

@katrina2017 I rather stay in my toxic relationship then go through this single parent crap. It's like being branded as unworthy and forever alone. No one has success stories. It's sad

 

[katrina2017]

@bradcopely That’s far from true my own mother had 3 kids when she left my toxic/abusive father and she met a guy with no kids who she married and he treated us as his own, there are a lot of unfortunate stories but you make it seem like it’s the end of the world when it’s not. And I wouldn’t call myself unworthy I mean I haven’t once been rejected for the sole reason of having a kid the issue lies between guys just wanting sex and the benefits of a relationship with no title or me just flat out being picky and finding an ‘ick’ with most guys I meet. But I could never leave myself in a toxic relationship because of the fear of being alone, my mental health is worth more than that, toxic relationships are beyond draining and totally not worth it

 

[bradcopely]

@katrina2017 Thank you... I needed this advice. I am going through a low point in my life. I don't mean to come off miserable

 

[katrina2017]

@bradcopely you don’t come off as miserable we all have our low points I’ve been there too, I don’t know your situation but whatever is bringing you down I hope things get better you deserve to be happy

 

[gadgett]

@dogmahunter I'm a single mom. I'm 49, became a single parent at 33. My biggest regret in life is now having a career before my divorce. I was a SAHM and worked on retail before kids. The one thing I stress to my kids and their partners is to get a career, be able to look after yourself and your kids without their other parent.

If I could 'mom' you right now, as a fellow single mom... Focus on yourself, while you 'need' a partner stay single. Get yourself to a place where you can support yourself-comfortably, long term. Become content on your own.

At 18, it will be difficult to find a partner willing to take on a child. You and your daughter deserve better.

Sending you big Momma hugs, I know it's not easy.

 

[tuppence3]

@dogmahunter Ive been in this situation myself before just seeing which girls are suitable for me. As a guy (21) i can say I personally am not mature enough to handle raising a child. Using your situation as an example: we’re dating and our relationship is just fine we’re both mature enough to handle the relationship but i myself am not mature enough to be a father. I dont see the child as my responsibility and dont feel the need to be financially responsible for it. Of course that is something that can change with time but you as a mother i would hope would not stand for a man that resents your child or is unwilling to help with the kid.

 

[blondebriana]

@dogmahunter I just turned 23, I’m gonna be honest. Guys our age 18-24 who are childless will usually opt out of dating a single mom. It’s a lot of extra work to date us at our young ages. People would rather party or play video games. It’s not impossible though, some younger guys don’t mind, but it would be really rare to find him. Once you get 28-29+ you start finding more men who would be more accepting. In my case I like older men, my bd is 12 yrs older. You just gotta watch out for the predatory ones tho. My advice is to focus on your kid and start dating when they’re a little older but to each his own

 

[katrina2017]

@dogmahunter Yes absolutely.

 

[korvus]

@dogmahunter It will be super important to set boundaries and be clear in communicating (this is important in any relationship, but especially when you have a kid). Never feel like you need to compromise, or let someone tell you how you should or shouldn't feel or behave. You're going to feel vulnerable, and there are some people who will try to take advantage of that.

When you are meeting people, or find a particular guy, you need to be clear about what you're looking for. Short term, long term, just for sex, just for companionship, whatever it is. And with the understanding that those needs change over time, for both people, be understanding that you're going to meet people who might be amazing but still aren't lining up with you in some ways.

Be protective of your kid. Not everyone you meet or date needs to meet or interact with your kid. Keep that back and only involve your kid directly once you really know the person and feel good about them.

I will also say it is possible - but very challenging - to date someone and never involve your children. I'm not saying hide the child from them, but just have a relationship with someone that is seperate from your kid. This can result in a kind of "two lives" scenario that is really hard to maintain, but it's an option at least while they are very young. As they get older this is not really sustainable, but by then you will be more established as a parent and have a much better idea of who you are, what you want from a partner, and what you want for your child.

Good luck!

 

[raze777]

@dogmahunter Not your age unfortunately

 

[katrina2017]

@dogmahunter I'm a bit older than you but I was surprised how many were ok with me having a child. It might be more difficult at your age though unfortunately but not impossible. Good luck

 

[joulediamonds]

@dogmahunter Yea it can be hard. Especially for females i think. Im a 23 (m) just got out the army. It's tough to find the time to date itself and the dating pool has shrunk even for me, and im 6'2 in good shape. But you have to keep focusing on making your life better and making the life for your child better. Thats my main concern, i have an 8 month old daughter and i take care of her 100% of the time. I only get a break when i get a baby sitter. But just have faith, put yourself out there. And honestly you may have to lower your standards becuz most men do not want a woman with kids. Im sorry its just the way it is. If yah ever need anyone to talk to i know its hard, im here. Have a good night