@striveforclarity So many people suggest shifts but here's an alternate option that worked for me and my husband with both of our girls (and we plan for this one too). Instead of shifts we had jobs. Baby would wake up, my husband would change her diaper while I got set up for breastfeeding. He would hand her over and if it was a long nursing session he would doze. When she was done I would put her back (or hand her over to be put back in the first couple weeks post C-section). If she needed some extra time to get back down usually my husband would handle that while I dozed, which was a good tradeoff because my first would pull some 40 minute nursing sessions at night.
The night before he went back to work we tried me handling everything and it was a nightmare. It was one of those bad ones where she peed on everything and I was nearly in tears when my husband got up...and then she peed on him too . He just decided that the way we were doing things was better anyway. It maximized everyone's sleep.
Remember that childcare, especially of newborn through toddler, is a full time job too.
@striveforclarity In the first month I was so tired that I couldn't wake up to my baby screaming, so my husband woke up first and kept shaking me till I did. Then he'd sleep and I'd breastfeed. Now, If one could choose, I'd say you should wake up like 70% of the time while the working partner 30%? Because you do need to rest as well, otherwise you can't care fore the baby at all and it's actually dangerous.
@striveforclarity Is he literally saving lives at work? If not, “I don’t want to ask this of him while he’s working”, nope, uhuh, stop saying that. You don’t want to ask him what? To be a parent and equal partner?
As the working mom with my SAHD partner I can resoundingly confirm my full time, stressful job is way easier than taking care of an infant. Many times over.
You both equally need your sleep. Try shifts as others recommended. As a breastfeeding mom, “shifts” meant different things at different stages. But “I’ll do it all to spare him any minor discomfort” is NOT the answer unless you want to be a miserable, resentful wife.
@striveforclarity We did shifts. Husband would do 9pm-2amish and then I’d take over. He slept downstairs either baby and then when he needed to eat around 2am brought him to me. Husband feed him formula during his shift. That way we each got a solid chunk of sleep.
With our first we’d both wake up to baby crying, I’d nurse, hand over baby and he would burp or follow up with a bottle. Sometimes I wouldn’t nurse cause I was too tired and he’d just do a bottle. Husband would change the diapers in between boobs.
@striveforclarity If you have hsa or fsa, check if it covers night nurse costs. That might be a way to help you both especially during the initial weeks.
. He just decided that the way we were doing things was better anyway. It maximized everyone's sleep.