@striveforclarity We’re about to have our third, I EP. We found that each of us could “function” on 6 hours of consecutive sleep. This meant after the toddler went to bed at 7:30p one of us got in to bed and did the 7:30p-1:30a shift and the other did the 1:30a-7:30a shift. Meaning if baby woke up during that time it was the assigned persons responsibility. We’d talk about who wanted to do what shift first during the day. To prepare for the night we’d make bottles ahead of time, have our diapers/ wipes/ binky’s/ extra clothes etc. ready so it was as simple as get up, feed, change, back to bed. Granted, this only works if baby isn’t EBF but this is what worked best for us. We’re both “working” and everyone’s sleep is important.
@striveforclarity I think this looks different for every family. When my first was born, my husband would get up, change the baby, and bring her to me, and I’d nurse her then change her (if needed) and put her back down. With our youngest, I did almost all the night care and only called my husband in when I was very, very tired. It was hard and probably not my wisest decision but we did get through it.
@krumdel Yeah I don’t know what I’m gonna do with this next baby cause my toddler doesn’t nap anymore and my husband is now away from the house 12 hours a day. I’m basically preparing to be a walking corpse for 2 years.
@striveforclarity If you can do shifts I think that's ideal, I think it takes men a little longer to adjust to the lack of sleep because they don't experience the terrible third trimester sleep that women do, but they can adjust! You're still very much in the thick of it, hopefully babe will start sleeping longer stretches and you may not feel you need to do shifts anymore. That's generally how I've felt with both of my kids!
Also first few weeks we did shifts even with me breastfeeding. I'd just use a hakaa to pump from opposite breast when she was nursing and I always got about the same amount that he just did in bottles.
@eastmesa10189 I agree with this - us women have hormones on our side when baby is born so it looks like we cope better but dads will get used to it too ! Just need to practice.
@striveforclarity This is what we did: baby cries, husband gets up with her and changes her diaper, while I go to kitchen to make a bottle. I feed her and then when I’m done feeding her, he swaddles her and gets her back to sleep. That was the same routine whether he was working or not. I’m definitely not one of those “I want to do this all on my own!” moms. We both deserve to sleep.
@iamthankful My tip is to measure out the water in bottles ahead of time and leave them at room temp in your room or the nursery. Then use pre measured formula from travel containers to mix the bottles upstairs. I never went downstairs for a bottle!
@striveforclarity With newborns we did shifts. Husband would send me to bed around 8pm and he would manage all baby things until about 2am. Then I would switch him and he'd go to bed. This has always worked really well for us. He's a night owl and I absolutely need uninterrupted sleep to function. Around 10 weeks old we stopped room sharing with babies and both of us took feeding "shifts." Our youngest is 10 months old currently and if he wakes up I'm normally the one to tend to baby needs but only because I'm a light sleeper and I just usually get to baby first. **we did keep our newborns in a Bassinet in the guest room so we could safely room share and still maintain sleeping in our own bed when we could.
@striveforclarity You gotta do shifts. For my husband and I, he would do any wakes up from 10pm to 3am, then I did any wake ups after 3am till around 8 or 9am when he had to be up for work. Now he worked from home, so it made it a bit easier to manage. Your shifts might look different, but they help everyone get sleep.
Now, caveat, if you are BF or pumping, it can mess with the shifts, so both of you will need to be flexible to ensure everyone is getting some sleep. But you will quickly get into the flow.
@striveforclarity I’m more of a night owl and my husband is more an early bird, so shifts worked the best with me being on duty the first half of the night. What will work largely hinges on how you’re feeding the baby. We were triple feeding at first and then combo feeding so lots of times I had to get up to pump anyway. I agree with others that having a newborn is a team sport and you are both going to be sleep deprived and exhausted some days.
@striveforclarity For our first we did shifts while he was home on leave for 3 weeks and after that, since he worked from home, I’d take the nights and he’d come in around 5am and give me a hefty break in the morning. His job allowed him to put baby in bassinet and feed her when needed and watch her for a few hours while he worked.
For the second one, he’s on leave for two weeks but is going to continue to take nighttime shifts because I have a 2 year old at home as well so we both need sleep (I can’t exactly take a nap like last time).
@striveforclarity I breastfed and hated pumping, so I always did the majority of wake ups. What I'd do to stay sane was nurse the baby to sleep around 7:00 pm, and sleep by myself in a different room from 7:30 - 11:30 while my husband stayed up and did what he could with rocking and a pacifier. Then I'd take over for the rest of the night. I found those first four uninterrupted hours made the rest of the night much easier.
@striveforclarity I did ALL nights for our first two until age two. With my third I often leave the room around 4am as I sleep better alone now that he is 14 months. He sleeps very well beside other people. We have always breastfed and co-slept.
@striveforclarity I always do all night wake ups because my husbands job is high risk and I want him rested. I’m also lucky that even though my sleep is very broken up, I’m not so exhausted the next day I’m unsafe to drive or something.
