House w Sex Offender Neighbor?

[acedeck]

Hello, I am hoping to receive some advice. I am shopping for a house for my family of three. Our LO is a baby and we plan to have a few more. We found a wonderful home — good schools, good neighborhood, right price, and right size. Come to find out that the next door neighbor is a registered sex offender. He solicited nude images from some teenage boys. He was a young man at the time and spent three years in jail. It has been a couple of years since his release. He does not own the home next door, but lives there with family.

Would this be a dealbreaker for you? Why or why not?

 

[zoolassi11]

@acedeck Just know it is likely an element that’s priced in for it to be the ‘right price’. Your future buyer may have the same question you are having too.

 

[teacher59]

@acedeck Dealbreaker for sure. I could never feel safe with my kid playing in the yard, or walking a few houses down the street to play with their friends, or going to the park...I would always worry. I live in a very kid-friendly neighbourhood and, while my baby is still too young to do this yet, I love seeing all the kids run around together. I just couldn't feel safe letting my child do that if there was a sex offender next door.

 

[lowenhigh]

@teacher59 To put it in perspective, a family member of mine was molested for years by a family friend. Respected in the community, family in local government, successful business owner, church choir member, the whole nine yards. He got caught, red handed, molesting a different kid. When that happened, my family found out about the relative who had also been abused for years.

If it hadn't been for one person seeing something strange and calling the cops "just in case", who knows what would've happened or how long it would've gone on. The guy admitted to it all the day he was caught and he is currently in his late 60s serving a 30 year sentence.

My point is... sex offenders are just the ones who got caught. Sometimes the sex offender you need to be worried about is attending your baby shower or volunteering at the same shelter you're volunteering at, and the only reason why you don't know that person is a danger to your child is because they haven't been caught.

I don't mean to freak you out, but I'd almost rather know someone has been caught and is being watched now than be sucker punched again like my entire family was five years ago. He was the last person anyone would've expected and in the two situations (the two separate kids) he was close friends with the parents and the parents weren't even neglectful or clueless about their kids, they're decent parents, but the guy was so "good" at hiding it all that it took years and a fluke witness to find out the truth.

 

[teacher59]

@lowenhigh Sure, there will always be some we're unaware of, but why would I knowingly want to move my family next door to someone I know is a sex offender? I can at least try to protect us from known dangers.

 

[lowenhigh]

@teacher59 Sorry, my argument was that the people registered as sex offenders are not only being watched but they got caught, which for me means they're slightly LESS of a concern than the ones we all know and they've never been caught. They are aware there is a spotlight on them to begin with, but they also didn't manage to get away with their crimes. Until you've been in a situation like I was with a family member, you can't imagine how well people can hide their stuff. You, me, and everyone reading this likely knows someone (a relative, a friend, a coworker) who would be on the list if they had gotten caught. Whether it's for something against a child, rape, a pornography charge, whatever, but something so serious that it'd shock us that we had no idea.

To me, those are the ones who are a much, much bigger risk. After all, they haven't been caught, they've either gotten away with it or are currently getting away with it, and we all have no idea. And yeah one day it may be your kid or cousin or sister who is hurt by someone like that and you'll spend the rest of your life wondering how that person managed to do whatever-it-was.

I'd say it's way less common for a registered sex offender (and/or a total stranger like your neighbor would be) to commit the same crimes than it is for someone to get caught only to find out it was happening for a long time or theres multiple crimes/victims and it all comes out once they're caught. I may be overly biased here, because I've watched this happen with my own eyes, but you have to remember that every sex offender ever had friends and family (maybe they even had kids) at some point and they still did something terrible. You probably know someone who shouldn't be alone with your kid, and that person is statistically more likely to be around your kid than a neighbor. I've got neighbors I haven't even met and I've been here three years now. The people you know are almost always (statistically speaking) a much bigger risk than a stranger.

 

[lowenhigh]

@teacher59 Plus, you could move into a house with no sex offenders anywhere and then in the next year have six move onto your street. If you'd like to make sure you're not near any registered sex offenders I suggest moving extremely close to a school so the radius where those people cannot live overlaps with where you move.

Then again, your non-sex offender neighbors, no matter where you are, could just be people who haven't gotten or never get caught.

 

[teacher59]

@lowenhigh Yep, I live on a street a registered sex offender could never live on actually. Didn't pick it for that reason - picked it for other kid-friendly amenities, but guess that's a perk. Not sure why you're specially on my case when other commenters have said the same as me. Why are you trying to convince me specifically? I'm not that invested in this topic. I just quickly passed through. You do you. I still wouldn't want to move into the house OP was asking about

 

[lowenhigh]

@teacher59 Oh, I apologize, I'm not actually just responding to you but responding in general because the other people reading may benefit from the information. It wasn't about just you.

 

[teacher59]

@lowenhigh All good.

 

[psk567]

@acedeck Dealbreaker. There are many dangers for my child, known and unknown. My job is to actively avoid known dangers and look out for unknown

 

[crownce]

@acedeck It would not be a deal breaker for me.

I used to work with sexually abused kids. The abusers are almost always family or “trusted” adults. Very rarely will your child be abused by a stranger or a distant person. Plus there are so many adults out there who sexually abuse kids that have not been caught. It’s a scary thing to think about but that’s reality.

There are ways to protect your kid(s). The most important one is having open communication. Teach them the proper language for their genitals - penis or vagina/vulva. A lot of kids who are abused try to tell adults but aren’t able to because they don’t have the language to communicate what’s happening.

There’s a part of me that is constantly worried about my kid growing up and being exposed to unsafe people. But that’s out of my control. All I can do is work towards them feeling comfortable enough to come to me no matter what happens.

 

[flyinq]

@crownce Thank you for your service. This work is so needed and typically so underpaid + under appreciated.

 

[crownce]

@flyinq Thank you for your kind words

 

[acedeck]

@crownce This guy specifically abused kids that were far away and not family or someone he was a “trusted” adult to.

 

[crownce]

@acedeck In that specific case, it still wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. If it were me, I’d work on teaching my kid communications skills, de stigmatized talk about sex and bodies, and focus on internet safety. It’s scary because you know the predator close to home. The rest of us just don’t always have our predators on the register.

But that’s just me. It’s your home and your choice. If you don’t feel comfortable living next to him don’t. You deserve to feel safe in your home too.

 

[nmb]

@acedeck This is shocking for me that so many people say dealbreaker. If you find a new house with no sex offender nearby, and then two years in, run another search and one has moved in next door, are you uprooting your lives and taking a loss on the house and moving?

I just had a new neighbor move in next door. No one in the house is on the registry. That doesn’t mean one isn’t a creep who didn’t get caught yet.

Especially as this was a nonviolent crime, I would not call this a dealbreaker. You can take appropriate cautions going forward.

 

[tinshield]

@nmb This. We lived in our house for over a year when the next door neighbor started stalking us and became an alcholic/schizophrenic mess. Months later he was arrested and is still in jail for a lot of things, one being creating and distributing child pornography. You never really know who your neighbor is. Us and all the neighbors thought he was a great guy before everything took a turn.

 

[flyinq]

@nmb Came here to say this. I was sexually abused for 5 years by a family member, so I’m particularly sensitive to this sort of thing. The sex offender might relocate within months of OP buying the new home, or they might be there years. Conversely if OP buys a different home, a sex offender can move in next door at any time.

WARNING - GRAPHIC CONTENT. 10 years ago I moved into a condo complex with a violent sex offender a couple doors down. He plead guilty to raping two women with a broken beer bottle. I never personally saw him but I knew others had, and he was registered there. Everyone in the complex was aware of him and we all kept a keen eye out for one another. He moved out 1 year later. 9 years of excellent neighbors and a fabulous location. 0 years of incidents.

Advice to OP is to consider using this as leverage for a price reduction, but I wouldn’t walk away from a great home for this reason.

 

[cmlle]

@nmb Look for a house in a school zone - sex offenders can live near schools.