One and done because my partner will never carry the same mental and physical load when it comes to taking care of this child

K

kerithravine410

New member
My child is reaching a year now and I’m so dissatisfied in my relationship with my SO since EVERYTHING FALLS TO ME.

Weaponized incompetence doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of where we are. I have to ask him to do everything, and when I do, there is a MILLION follow up questions. Ask him to take her for a walk to get some air? Well, where do we go? What should she wear? What should I bring? Where’s the stroller? What happens if it rains?

Even down to when he watches her so I can work. I have a cushy work from home job and realistically I can work steady about 5 hours in total in a 7 hour workday. Right now she’s at home because we’re still trying to find daycare and I can afford to deal with it for the time being. In my seven hour workday I am still feeding her breakfast, entertaining her, rocking her to sleep, feeding her lunch, doing diaper changes. When he watches her, he sits on his phone and lets ms rachel do the job cause fuck being an actual parent, right?

I go and do my meetings in the afternoon and when I’m done the work day? I’m feeding her supper, I’m entertaining her, I’m getting her ready for bed. Oh and also, I’m still the one to get up with her in the night because she “comfort nurses” and he can’t “get her to sleep”. If she wakes up at 5 and stays up? It’s on me and I still have to punch in at 8.

When we fight it’s “oh well, ask me if you need anything” but Jesus Christ just fucking step in dude.

One and done for sure because I’m pretty sure if I had to juggle two babies with this much incompetence and lack of support I’d go to jail for manslaughter.
 
@kerithravine410 Does he work? I couldn’t tell from your post if you’re the sole earner, childcare, maid, AND cook.

You definitely have a partner problem. Try the fair play book and game. Go to counseling.

If nothing changes - leave. life if short.
 
@cookiedough7177 Basically all of that. He’s been laid off since January, which made me have to short my mat leave and go back to work a month early because we would have been destitute if not - so earner, childcare the majority of the time, maid and cook. Things will be sorted one way or another because if this rant is any indication, I’m tired of sugarcoating my demands. If he doesn’t want to be a parent, sign over the parental rights and go live at his mamas house because I’m fucking done.
 
@kerithravine410 You make it clear he’s a burden to you at this point and you no longer have positive feelings toward him, you literally haven’t said a single redeeming thing about him, so why haven’t you left or, to your point on having him sign over parental rights, asked him to leave yet? There’s not an ounce of love, gratitude, empathy, or any positive sentiment of any kind toward him in anything you’ve written, he’s clearly a net negative in your life, get rid of him. You only have a short time in this world, don’t spend it with people you despise.
 
@kelleybee Agree wholeheartedly. Logistics are quite the bastard to iron out at the moment. It’s on the horizon if circumstances don’t change after being addressed.

I don’t know if you’re a Taylor Swift fan but to summarize - “baby love I think I’ve been a little too kind”
 
@kerithravine410 I literally gasped out loud. I think you already know what you have to do and how you feel. Document as much of his incompetence as you can. I just got out of a two year custody battle and it is ugly, and expensive. But the freedom is worth it. I’d rather be doing all this alone than doing it alone while my partner watches or doesn’t even try. That feels way worse.
 
@kerithravine410 I’m sorry, but if he is home then he should be doing 90% of the parenting. I’m a SAHM and my husband works from home, but I never bother him while he’s working. Because he’s doing his job and I’m doing mine, which is taking care of our baby. In the evening we take turns.

Sorry your husband is being so shitty, that’s really unacceptable.
 
@kerithravine410 God, all of that and he doesn't even work?? OP, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I'm not giving any advice here on whether you should leave, but it feels like you are a single parent anyway without the freedom of being a single parent. This sucks so much, I really hope you can find a way through this shit.
 
@kerithravine410 So sorry to hear this...and that you are dealing with everything.

My partner was an entrepreneur and his business folded then he had a stroke. So he can't work.
So I am having to back to work asap to get money otherwise we'd be destitute too and going bankrupt.
That's thr part I can relate too and I really feel you as we are in a similar position there.

But we used to share cooking at cleaning, though. At the moment his mum lives with us so she does a lot of that and they share cooking. I focus on the baby.

He let's me do 90% of the baby stuff now because when I go back to work he will be doing it all - so that's fair.

He has been depressed and that does make men feel useless they can't provide. The thing is my parter articulates that so I can pick up some of the load while he picks himself up.
The difference there is
 
@kerithravine410 If he worked at sea on an oil rig or something similar those guys are super mysogonistic and feed it off each other. If he had a schedule like two weeks at sea two home or longer or two months away two months home it creates a scenerio where the women in their lives do everything for them, cleaning, bills, food, appointments, repairs, kids and they feel entitled because they “work so hard” or some shit.

I see this with my SIL and it infuriated me, she has a great job, does everything and he’s a huge child to be around. She makes great money too, I think a lot of his peers have stay at home wives just sue to the nature of the work and why people choose this career, and her husband feels entitled to have what they have.
 
@robbrew1 If I had a nickel for every time that I recommended medication and therapy in our conversations I would be a billionaire. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it go to therapy.
 
@kerithravine410 This was my kids Dad... Who is now definitely my ex. It was always the whole "if you want me to do something, just ask! And then remind me if I forget" like seriously? I don't have time for that shit. We lived together 9 damn years, garbage night was once a week and not once did he ever think of it all by himself. He seemed to think I enjoyed having to be on top of him to do every little thing.

"Can you remind me to pay my phone bill? Can you remind me to call my doctor? What's for breakfast? Is my lunch packed? Where are my keys?"

It just never ended.

I got sick of it and left. Like, definitely in an asshole way, left him without warning, like 24 hours notice. I needed out.

But then after, we did stay amicable, so then he kept calling me to ask me simple things. Because he didn't know how to do anything because he simply never did it. He had reality slap him in the face once he was responsible for everything all alone. I won't lie, I enjoyed the play by play of it.

Apparently, groceries were expensive! His favorite granola bars were like $4 for 5! He had no idea... Because he had never done groceries. Omg the list goes on. It's been nearly 3 years and I'm SOOO happy and he has still yet to catch up on laundry.

(Sorry for the rant but oh my god)
 
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