My kid called me fat

[k33p]

@solidengr My son, also 5, has been calling me fat, even though I am 5’8 and 130LBS, or he’ll tell me I have a baby in the belly bc its “such a big belly”.. it hurt so much because I do deal with body image issues.. but then recently he also called his dad fat, and he’s far from it, 6’0 and 200LBS, and told him he had a baby - I really don’t think kids understand bodies at that age, we still talk to him about how comments like that can hurt our feelings, but I don’t think they mean malice.. at least not mine

 

[kunjax]

@solidengr My five year old says similar things from time to time except she lovingly refers to my “squishy belly” as the best pillow lol! I am not happy with the state of my body since having kids but I try really hard to have a neutral reaction to the body comments. For me it’s a chance to truly model that what shape your body is doesn’t matter when it comes to what kind of person you are. I hated constantly hearing adult women disparage their looks when I was a kid. It’s harmful for kids to hear that because they internalize it as “thin bodies are good and fat bodies are bad” and I don’t want either of my kids to grow up with that idea. So I just stick to the facts and say “yes, my tummy is squishy!” and take a deep breath.

As for the other things your kid is saying, seems normal for the age. Again I try to say neutral and calm and tell them that I love them even when they are saying mean things to me and that what they are doing is unkind.

 

[rakicko]

@kunjax My mom is a wonderful mom in so many ways, but I've spent my entire life listening to her bash her body. I look at pictures of her from when she was 40 - my current age - and she was beautiful. She thought she was fat. She has yo-yo dieted countless times. Now she is on Ozempic and gives me daily updates on her weight. It gives me horrible anxiety and has thoroughly fucked me up. I refuse to ever utter a word about my weight to my daughter.

 

[kunjax]

@rakicko My mom was really good about not making negative comments about her body but she was basically one of the only women I knew growing up who didn’t. Maybe she did when I wasn’t around but I appreciate that she chose not to in front of me. Personally, hearing relatives, family friends, teachers, etc constantly talk about how they couldn’t have any birthday cake because they are watching their weight or whatever just sucked the air out of the room. It just seemed like they never got to enjoy themselves and were always stopping themselves from getting what they wanted. It was a weird tension that felt so uncomfortable. I just want my kids to grow up enjoying the moment rather than being distracted by their “imperfections”. That anxiety is so unnecessary and doesn’t make any of us better or happier humans.

 

[faithfilled1]

@rakicko This times 1000. My mom dieted constantly always on the latest trend. When I was in college she asked me if my butt had gotten bigger when I came home at one point. I have struggled with weight my whole life. I’m currently very unhappy with myself but never mention it in front of my kids, especially my girls. We talk about healthy eating and exercise because it’s good for us and our hearts. And that we all need to make good choices to take care of our bodies

 

[katrina2017]

@kunjax Same here! I also try to talk about not only how all bodies are different, but our bodies will look and feel different at different times. I talk about it being like Pokemon evolutions, lol. I had a really hard time at different stages of change- puberty, pregnancy, weight gain during a period of health issues. It felt like a betrayal, or like I wasn’t ‘me’ any more. So I talk a lot about how our bodies take on different shapes at different times of our lives, and how awesome it is that they adapt for us.

 

[greekprincess]

@solidengr Well it is fat. Explain to him everyone has fat on their bodies no matter what size they are.

 

[g_jio]

@solidengr My sister who is 8 but was 5 at the time asked me if my ex partner broke up with me because he didn't want to marry me-- 3 days after it happened and I was already in a deep depression having to move back into my parents house. Also when my dog ran away, she asked me for MONTHS if I ever found her and if I miss her. She also said "she probably just wanted a new family" and I am still TORN about my dog.

 

[theisticlogicianlogoninon]

@solidengr I always try to make these convos positive because I don’t want my daughters to equate softness with badness.

My oldest asked me why my belly was still “big and squishy after the baby came out” and I said something to the effect of..

“Good question! Baby grew pretty big in there since last year so it might be bigger for awhile but isn’t it cool how much our bodies can do? This belly grew your sister!”

 

[mcdaddyjay]

@theisticlogicianlogoninon I love this, and I’m going to try to remember this in a few months when my second is born because I know my first will likely say something. Not because he’s mean, but he’s curious, and loves to cuddle as it is so mama’s squishy belly will surely come up in conversation haha.

 

[billohno]

@solidengr Its an age where having a filter and a sense of proportion is an emerging skill, which leads to some moments of being really hurtful. Ive spent most of the day because my 6 year old threw a tantrum about me driving him to camp instead of hia dad. I was relatively empathetic by small child standards, but I vividly remember hurting my aunts feelings at this age by telling her I didn't like the sweater she got me and asking her where the toy was. It's hard sometimes to not take personally

 

[grazer501]

@solidengr I am fat. Very fat. But my 4 year old told me I was going to break the couch the other day because I was to big for it.
Kids are like this sometimes.

 

[breatheintome]

@solidengr My oldest just after my second was born, so really squishy postpartum belly, crawled into my lap, snuggled into my belly and said something like "I love your squish squish squish belly, it's soft for naps"

I cried from the innocence and love. But I also cried from how squishy my belly was haha

 

[magicaljourney]

@solidengr My three year old tells me my belly is big and giggles while saying it when ever he sees my tummy.

 

[ffffffffff10]

@solidengr One time my kid told me I smell like biscuits

 

[singer123]

@solidengr My son prefers snuggling me over his dad because I’m more squishy…I mean, he’s not wrong.

Every time my kid tells me I’m weird I say, “Good. I wouldn’t want to be boring.”

 

[heegar]

@solidengr Those first two can be responded to with “okay.” Take all the power out of the words “fat” and “weird”. They’re just adjectives.

Those other two need some correcting, though.

 

[ryanbobyan]

@solidengr My almost 2 year old barged into the room I was changing in and she just pointed at me and yelled “eww” I couldn’t shake it partially because it was funny and the audacity she had but also because I was weirded out cause I essentially felt she was reacting to my fat. The very next day she did it to my husband and then I cared less

 

[richardrhys]

@solidengr Im always recommending the book Fat Talk: Parenting in the age of diet culture. Really helpful for framing family conversations around bodies and food.

 

[pastormarcus]

@solidengr It’s not personal it’s just words he heard and is using.