Another kid at my step son’s school called him a Ching Chong, what would you do?

[aziluv5]

@thecabinetbarn We're a white family and we don't really know how to talk about race but we know we want to. We got this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Our-Skin-First-Conversation-Conversations/dp/0593382633/

It's been a good starting point for other conversations.

 

[stankazajo]

@thecabinetbarn As long as you teach your step son to stand up for himself, he won’t have a loss of confidence from these morons insulting him. I’d give my son a hall pass on going to town on a kid after there’s a record of you trying to get the school to manage it for each respective jackass trying to insult your stepson

 

[godzman84]

@thecabinetbarn The way to combat bullying is by teaching them radical self love and acceptance. You cannot stop the racist remarks, but self love will ensure that any bullying is not injurious (at least emotionally)

 

[lina0531]

@thecabinetbarn Banning the kid who is likely uneducated from library class and then not allowing him on a field trip, Fantastic move from the school! That resentment/casual racism festers, and the only way to defeat racism (non violently) is education.

Kid probably thinks it’s okay, hears his parents or peers use the language, there’s no way a kid that young has gotten that view himself. At this point I don’t know why schools don’t have more robust further education for kids who are obviously picking up racial tendencies at home. It’s learned somewhere..

 

[wtwalker01]

@thecabinetbarn I think you should talk to your step-son's main teacher and arrange to have your step-son do a show and tell to the class, to talk about their cultural background and why it is unique and special. Maybe bring in some kind of traditional artifact or slideshow of pictures of them with family abroad. Potentially even you yourself could do a little presentation to the class, explaining the different background and what makes it special.

These kids are naive, parroting the ignorance of adults around them and not understanding the severity of what they are doing. They need to be made more familiar and welcomed into that which they don't understand.

Bonus points if your step-son can then hand out some small Asian treats to each classmate, so the others can actually feel, interact with and taste the different culture, while feeling included and special.

If it still persists, then try talking to the parents of the kid, as well as the headteacher.

 

[jimcrow]

@thecabinetbarn This is awful.
And my son has used this phrase. He is autistic (although often masks it well.) He has two loving parents who display no racist attitudes, he sees a psychologist for his behaviour and highly inappropriate language and we are in a constant battle.

I don't know the circumstances of the child who said this to yours, but it doesn't necessarily come from a place of poor parenting or rampant racism.

Nonetheless, the way this presents and feels to your child and family would be horrific and not something that I could imagine. I hope your child and the offending child are getting the help and support to make life happier for everyone.

 

[ridgerunner70]

@thecabinetbarn I'm sorry... All I can picture is the scene from Joy Ride... For those not in the know you're welcome.

 

[kevindsingleton]

@thecabinetbarn Honestly I wouldn’t let it get to me and try to help my son to get to that point to. You can’t control the actions of others. You can only control how you respond. Helping him get past the feelings of hurt and understanding that someone making fun of something about him that he can’t change is more a reflection on who they are as a person than anything.

There is nothing wrong or bad about the way you or your son may look. Gotta love yourself and realize that what others think isn’t a reflection of you.

I heard a saying: If you would take advice from them, why would you take criticism?

 

[thentell]

@thecabinetbarn Have a conversation with your kid about hate and ignorance

 

[marcin458]

@thecabinetbarn Maybe you should move to a country that sets better examples with its presidents/presidential candidates.

/s

 

[marinabaysand]

@thecabinetbarn A 5th grader is probably familiar with racism already. Just give it to him straight like you would anyone else, some people will be assholes based off your appearance. That is part of being a minority in a country, I wouldn’t shield that it exists, but rather teach him how to respond to it

 

[tradewoodltd]

@thecabinetbarn I've started early laying foundations before they start school - basically like other children can't help but notice things that are different to what they're used to. Some kids want to copy everyone else to fit in, some prefer to be themselves. One thing that's common is children/people love it when you react in an extreme way to things.... They'll want to see you do it again.

What's important is to try to not react in an extreme way, maybe try to joke back perhaps you'll make a friend or that kid will think 'oh this kids alright' ... Maybe they'll change their views on what's appropriate to say.

To me, that's good starting level to build from. Let's be honest these days you can offend people with just about anything, whether you're singing lyrics you don't understand or you like the way something sounds

 

[romans83839]

@thecabinetbarn I would enroll your stepson into some kind of martial arts.

 

[7up7down]

@thecabinetbarn Your talk with your kid about racism at school should consist of "some kids won't like you because youre different, some kids are bullies because they have bad home lives, ignore it and keep doing what you're doing, tell your teacher if you get name called"

 

[singcotter]

@thecabinetbarn Okay this is a rant so take for what it is worth as it is not all coherent. This stuff sucks but it happens and really your training should be around how to react internally more than externally. Happened to me growing up, in an era with no consequences for those comments. Frankly most kids who spoke like that were ignorant …I wish someone told me how to be proud of myself at that age. I always wish I knew how to express myself to people that I cared about that what they just said sucked and it hurts to hear that.

Safety talk: The ribbing I got was from black and white kids equally, sometimes together; my immediate common response was to ignore or not show I was bothered. Once I figured out who was just ignorant (educate and accept their apologies) versus who could be a threat (ignore and separate yourself) things got easier. Especially with a group it can become dangerous quickly. You have to learn how to deescalate tension, and grin and bear it at times, because a mob mentality can become bad. You can get revenge or acceptance in other ways from people who value you. (I would tell myself that I am going to get to college whereas those dumbasses would still be right where I last saw them). Hope that helps. Dads cannot always be there for their kid but if you show that you respond in the right adult way to people’s pettiness, you will model the best behavior he can see. You got this Dad!

 

[suneyes]

@thecabinetbarn I like to remember 'Hurt people hurt people'. I would try to invite the kid over for dinner and check in on how the kid is doing. If you don't want to do that you can teach your kid how to destroy him with kindness via this video from Andr3w.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8nC5SQH/

 

[brigantine]

@thecabinetbarn As a white kid in a mostly-white town, I can't comment on the racism aspect, but I was bullied a lot. It hurts and it damages your self esteem. Looking back, I think the things that would have helped me most were just kindness, and re-assurance that I was a person who's worthy of being loved. When I got a little older, it helped a bit to reflect on the fact that the bullies probably had miserable family lives at home, but I don't know that that would have helped at the time.

 

[richardc12]

@thecabinetbarn I have biracial kids. My approach, for better or worse, is telling them that it's a part of life that they'll run into and it's not unique to them. The parents of the other kid are horrible people, and that reflects on the child. While they can't control the narrative, they can control how they respond.

1. Tell the child "I'm not okay with you calling me that. Please stop or I'll escalate it to a teacher."
2. Tell the teacher if it happens again.
3. If it happens again, escalate it further to the principal.
4. If that doesn't work, escalate to school board

It sounds like whatever happened was addressed correctly, but sympathize with your child and let them know they did the right thing and to speak up if it happens again.

 

[eleazar57]

@thecabinetbarn Haven't been there, yet, but I will have to in the somwlewhat near future.

If it were me, I'd explain to my kid(s) that sometimes people don't say nice things. It hurts but it's that entirely their fault. They learned it from somewhere and they're wrong.

I'd tell how I got over it even though it initially also hurt my feelings growing up.

These kids are ignorant and can't tell a Chinese person from a Japanese, a Japanese from a Korean, a Korean from a Vietnamese.

In my case ot was easy for me because I am Viet and kids called me ching chong, Jackie Chan, Jet Li, etc. And I thought how these kids aren't so smart. I'm not even Chinese. But, then again Jackie Chan is a cool dude!

So, kind of embrace the Asian culture. They can say whatever they want because they're wrong and just be a bigger person.

They may think "ching ching ling ding ting" or whatever is Chinese, but when you actually listen to Chinese talk whether Mandarin or Cantonese, it doesn't sound like it and it's those kids who are looking real stupid.

Ignore them and don't give them ammo. If they see you are bothered they'll keep doing it. Don't retaliate to make it worst, but that also doesn't mean if things get out of hands that they can't catch these hands...

Idk if this will help, it's just a personal anecdote but I will definitely use with my kids.

 

[kvhiker]

@thecabinetbarn Just be straight forward with him. Don’t sugar coat why other kids are ignorant. It only gets worse in middle school and high school. Kids these days become shit heads really quickly. Especially when they have tik tok brain and learn new ways to insult each other very quickly. Teach him to have thick skin and don’t let others bother you. Just don’t lie to him or beat around the bush.