I really don’t know how people cope with even one baby

[jesusmypeace]

I have an 8 month old baby who I love so much but physically, mentally, and financially I don’t understand how most people can have even one child, let alone 2+.

My experience thus far…
Pregnancy: 5 months of nausea, leg cramps and hip pain the entire time, lots of fatigue
Labour: one week in latent labour, 2 days in active labour, emergency c-section — all painful
Postpartum: nonstop cluster feeding until 5 months and no time to recover from EMCS
From 4 weeks postpartum to 3 months, our baby was extremely fussy, terrible witching hour that lasted all evening — either feeding, sleeping or crying — at least she slept well
3 1/2 months she stopped sleeping

It definitely got easier in the months after — gradually less crying, a less tired baby, but still difficulties with night sleep and really hard work to work. I spend so much time preparing baby food now, stopping our baby from tumbling over, getting her to sleep (takes up to an hour every night). And we cosleep and I haven’t managed to have alone time with my husband since before pregnancy.

I just don’t understand how people do it if you have to work and there’s literally no time to work and childcare is so expensive but also there’s the guilt of not wanting to leave baby with strangers. My husband and I are constantly tired and though we get a lot more from it now (smiles, giggles, new milestones, playing etc) we’re still in survival mode rather than thriving, I’d say… I breastfeed to sleep so haven’t been able to go out in the evening either.

 

[imho83]

@jesusmypeace My limit is also one lol It really does get better. My baby is now almost 2 and there are challenges but nothing like newborn or the first year.

 

[lilypad911]

@imho83 I agree two is easier for me and getting to know your little one outside of a blob that just cries and farts is amazing. Ofcourse it’s where the real work gets put into parenting someone who has opinions and that’s why it’s more difficult in other ways but for me way more fun

 

[mrwallyboy78]

@imho83 Re-freaking-tweet

 

[lesterlom]

@imho83 Ditto! Same age here. And it gets better. There are new challenges and it is hard but it’s less overwhelming as time goes on. My husband and I both work full time and pay full time day care. Thankfully I’m well into my career so we can cover the mortgage and daycare but it would crush the budget if we had more kids.

 

[ccmoldiefan]

@imho83 How does it improve after the first year?

 

[arab545]

@ccmoldiefan It's hard to explain. They start having more of a personality. They remember things and they are experiencing everything for the first time. It becomes fun to watch them go through life.

 

[apples1500]

@ccmoldiefan The fact that my kid can talk is huge!!! So much better than babyhood. And can slightly listen. Slight more sense of self preservation. Other things are hard like tantrums and stuff but that first year was for the birds

 

[imho83]

@ccmoldiefan I will try to give examples! After the first year a baby may be able to walk and can manipulate their environment and explore or play. You are no longer the sole source of entertainment. They sleep more independently and longer stretches. Contact sleeping is likely in the past. And crying is usually for a reason and easier to soothe or distract. Normally you no longer have witching hours with hours of unexplainable and unsoothable crying. My baby only pooped, nursed and cried the first year. And always had to held. Even to sleep. So in comparison, so much better

 

[ccmoldiefan]

@imho83 Thanks for replying

 

[amdad]

@ccmoldiefan It generally gets easier. It is still a lot of work but less. They only take 1 nap a day so your life is no longer determined by a nap schedual. Stopping bottles meant less cleaning bottles constantly. And if you stop breastfeeding it becomes a lot less tiring on your body plus reduces the workload. You get to the point where you don't have to pack food when going on a daytrip - you can just buy them it when out.

Also glimpses of independent play start to happen a little. You can start to allow a little tv time if you are ok with it. You go to the park and they can climb up and down the slide themselves - they start to play with other children giving you 5 minutes to yourself.

A big one for me - I can finally drink my cup of tea whilst playing with my son. Before he just always needed something and the tea went cold.

 

[katrina2017]

@imho83 My little one is almost 2 also! Honestly have so much fun hanging out with him, the stuff he does or comes out with can be hilarious.

 

[christianityisawesome]

@imho83 Real sorry for this but the second year is much more difficult. I suspect years three and four are even tougher but I wouldn’t know yet.

 

[ambassadorforchrist]

@christianityisawesome Oh yes! First year for me was a breeze, the second year I’m currently dying from exhaustion . I do love seeing the crazy personality though!

 

[mdwatermelon1979]

@christianityisawesome Shouldn't be down voted because different strokes for different folks and kids are all so different from each other.

2nd year was easier for me cause I went back to work and daughter was in full time day care but understand this isn't available to everyone.

Were approaching 3 now and her speaking is well developed, which is a double edged sword, u can explain more but there are far more arguments!

For me though all easier than the first 4 months.

 

[kristinat]

@jesusmypeace We had a horrible first year as well, with a colicky baby who needed to be held constantly. The good thing about a tough first year is that the subsequent phases become so much easier in comparison. Don’t listen to people who tell you that it gets worse. Nothing is as miserable as the first year and it only gets better with time.

 

[ayen57]

@kristinat It depends on the kid and other life circumstances whether it gets worse or not. Some kids really are easier as babies; I know because I had one. I wouldn't call my daughter difficult now but there is a lot more friction in our relationship and a lot more times of frustration. That's hard too because when parenting seems to be getting harder, not easier (our worst period was ages 3-4) you wonder wtf you are doing wrong because everyone else says it gets easier.

Obviously this doesn't seem to be case for OP and whenever I make the point that it can get harder I'm trying to validate the people who had an atypical experience -- like me -- rather than catastrophize or instill dread.

 

[kristinat]

@ayen57 You’re right, every kid is different.

I just remember the comments I received from parents with older kids: “if you think things are hard now, wait until you have a two or three year old.” It truly scared me, since my son was such a difficult baby and I felt that I had made a huge mistake. Now that he’s three, I really enjoy parenting.

 

[ayen57]

@kristinat Yeah definitely people should use judgement on when to say it! Like, don't pile it on or use as a fear tactic. It's so individual.

 

[jtyrer]

@kristinat We had a really rough time until about 5, but that's all I say to people. I don't say "oh, just wait," as if I'm setting a curse on them. I just try to empathize, because really, nothing about parenting is easy.