Does this sound like a reasonable and or normal to you life of a stay at home mom to a 2.5 year old?

[karisa4christ]

@xeonome I run three loads of laundry a week for two adults and a baby, often in the same day (unless there's an accident, of course). Where are you getting all that dirty laundry?!

Edit: ok, sorry, if you live in a small trailer you probably don't have much space for clothes storage and handling, which means more frequent washing.

 

[danmat777]

@xeonome That’s…a lot.

 

[uphigh]

@xeonome why are you having 2hour+ naps at 2.5? cutting the nap or reducing it would help with an earlier bedtime and easier time for yourself

 

[xeonome]

I spoke with my husband. I got the same response I always have. He was angry at me over the state of our disorganized and messy house. He said he doesn't care how I feel, that I am lucky he puts the garbage out on Thursdays. He is not doing any more than he already does. He is tired when he comes home from a work day of wrenching and needs the evening to have his space and time to relax and recover.

No I am not divorcing him. I chose to marry him. This life is my choice and my responsibility to live to the fullest.

The reason I do dishes all the time and laundry is we have a small dish washer and clothes washer and dryer and own a small amount of clothes which means we have to do laundry and dishes more frequently.

Because the trailer is so small if I don't nap when our L.O does during the day the sounds of me walking and cleaning keep him awake.

Because my pancreas doesn't work I have less energy than most people and tire quicker and earlier than most which just means I will need more rest and get 0 me time.

I will try not napping when L.O naps. Shorten their nap to an hour and half and go to bed at night when they do in the evening instead of taking any me time so I have more energy to be more productive during the day.

Having a child means hard work and 0 me time. It's been that way since he was born and will be that way until he is in in school and I go back to work. It might be that way until he moves out. That's just how it is when you are a mother. That's how it was for my mom and his mom, I expect it to be that way for me too.

 

[xeonome]

We have dinner together as a family at the dining table. He also takes John camping and I get the weekend home to catch up on chores I can't during the week once or twice a month too.

 

[naturefanatic79]

@xeonome You've said this like 12 times and you have to understand that caring for his child one or two weekends a month is not enough. Your schedule is insane and I would divorce my husband and live as a single parent before I'd ever consider living the way you do. God bless.

 

[rhemajoy]

@xeonome You have to know somewhere inside that this isn’t right otherwise you’d not be posting? I don’t understand your husband. You say you’ve been hospitalised with burnout before, why hasn’t that made him step up and help you? I think you should divorce him and get alimony and child support payments and your life would be much easier. He could still take your son every other weekend but at least then you’d have that time to yourself not worrying about doing his chores as well as yours and son’s.

If you don’t want to leave your husband then just stop doing so much around the house! It sounds like you have endless laundry and chores and some of that could be left or arranged so you’re not having to do it constantly. Like some of that time doing laundry you could read. As long as there are enough clean clothes for you and your kid, I don’t see why there’s SO much laundry to do all the time unless you have a tiny washer/dryer? Or only like two outfits each? I have a baby who needs like three outfit changes a day due to being a baby who can’t eat properly yet and I’m not even doing that much laundry!

You could maybe get a load of new second hand clothes for cheap so it’s easier for you to do less laundry. Or tell your husband he’s doing his own laundry from now on.

Also could you get your son to go to bed earlier? Then you’d have more time to yourself in the evening. And do you have to nap when your son naps? That’s a couple of hours of sleep in the day, and if you’re sleeping midnight to 7am overnight maybe you don’t need that nap if your son goes to bed earlier so you can get to bed around 10. You could maybe reduce his nap time to an hour to get earlier bedtime. Then you’d have that hour to yourself plus more time in the evening?

 

[mac4701]

@xeonome I cannot fathom this life. You should not be doing all of this. I’m guessing you’re husband would say something like, well I work all the time and she’s the one who wants to clean all the time anyway, the mess doesn’t bother me (idk, just guessing). But that doesn’t mean he never has to be “on” with your son unless it’s something he likes doing (like going camping). And yes it’s nice he’s building a cabin for y’all…that gives him lots of time away from his house…where he hangs with his brother and dad, receiving companionship…

I am sorry you’re working so so so hard every day. This is unsustainable IMO.

 

[jason19812]

@xeonome I would be resenting my husband if this is how he was… if he supported you and helped you around the house after he got home instead of sitting at his computer like a loser then you wouldn’t feel as exhausted. He NEEDS to step up and help you, whether he helps with chores or playing with your son after work. It doesn’t matter that he pays for everything… that’s no way to live. You need to sit down and talk with him.

 

[xeonome]

@jason19812 I am not good at talking or advocating for myself. I have a stutter. I feel dyslexic when I talk. Like everything I say comes out backwards and doesn't clearly explain what ai really mean but talks about my tired exhausted feelings in the moment. When I try I am a nagging bitch about it and he doesn't help or change either way so it feels like a wasted effort of breath. The words never come out right and I never clearly say what I mean. I end up complaining about my feelings in the moment. I don't know how or what to say or how to approach it. He says ask if I want help but I never know how or when because I am so used to doing everything myself or else it doesn't get done.

 

[echelon87]

@xeonome Write it down. Have a trusted friend read it over so you have some outside, more objective eyes on it. Present it to him during a calm moment, not when you are worked up or in the middle of an argument. Be confident, and if he isn’t supportive of your feelings and/or receptive to your requests for help, then you know it’s him and not you.

 

[jason19812]

@xeonome I understand not being able to advocate for yourself and just getting things done by yourself as it’s easier. Your husband doesn’t seem supportive at all and no willingness to change, and I don’t mean to be be blunt but it doesn’t seem like he cares. I also saw your other comment about being hospitalised due to exhaustion and if he hasn’t changed after that it doesn’t sound like he will. Maybe therapy/counselling is something you could look into? Was he always like this even when your son was a newborn?

 

[xeonome]

@jason19812 yes even when my son was a newborn. If I don't do the chores they just don't get done and my husband doesnt care but it stressed me out when there is no clean dishes to eat on or cook on.

 

[1nchrist]

@xeonome Idk why you need to wake up LO if you stay home? You both can sleep in, especially with nap time at 2

 

[cordel]

@xeonome Your husband sucks and needs to help. But the amount of laundry and dishes and cooking and cleaning seems excessive for 3 people (my family is the same size), and bedtime seems very late.

Your husband obviously should split the chores and childcare during the hours he is home, but also both of you should see where you can cut some corners and manage your time differently, like an hour and a half to make dinner? An hour and a half to prep lunches and drinks?

My husband is very helpful, but we don’t do this much combined

 

[thanksyoueel]

@xeonome ....How do you have multiple loads of dishes and laundry every single day? Do at least 5 extra people you haven't mentioned in your post also live with you while contributing nothing towards housework? I'm just confused. We don't even own a dishwasher and I spend less the cleaning and putting away dishes than you seem to. My husband does the laundry usually, maybe twice per week. If we went through a lot of clothes maybe 3 loads.

Regardless, caring for a small child is also stressful work that you need to unwind from. Which means the housework load should be divided equally between you and your husband. Because you in fact spend more hours working than he does. So why does he get to come home and play but you literally live at work and maybe get an hour at night when you're already exhausted?

I work during the week while my husband stays home with the baby, and he usually works weekends. We both understand that work outside the home is draining but so is entertaining and keeping a baby/toddler safe all day, so we do our best to share responsibilities equally and fairly. I cannot recommend enough that your husband be given an opportunity to be the stay at home parent for even just 2-3 days. It seems he doesn't understand or appreciate what it entails.