@utay62 You're not alone! And it's exceptionally hard when their development prevents them from fully understanding... Like a 2 yr old lol
Start with outlining your personal boundaries and goals for what healthy discipline looks like. This sets a basic standard for you to pursue and also to indicate if you're pushing a line. This may go without saying, but this should be communicated with child's mother so you two can agree/compromise on different styles/forms within your two personalities.
Those become your ground rules.
For example (my list, after being raised in a highly abusive environment)
- clear communication is better, and preventative
- a child is not punished, they earn their consequences based on the communication
- never discipline when my emotions are out of balance
- corporal punishment is a last resort and only to be administered by hand (never an instrument/tool) AFTER calmly re-communicating with child about series of broken rules and escalating consequences that they earned
- etc
It requires self-discipline and clear communication with partner and child(ren), especially as they grow.
But it also requires self-awareness about your expectations for your kids and whether or not those are realistic for usual child development. A dance class for a two year old may be great! A two year old may not have the attention or even the desire to do such a thing so running around not paying attention is par for the course, right?