katrina2017
New member
@utay62 My old man was a bully. He wasn't abusive because he believed discipline was important to, or because I was that bad a kid, or because physical intention was the last resort he had to go to.
He was and still is a bully because he's a bit of a narcissist. He has a terrible sense of self worth but demanded respect from his kids and thought just being a father, who didn't do much to earn their affection or respect consistently, owed him respect. When this didn't happen, he had no other means than to become physically and verbally abusive. Narcissists love to reduce people to make themselves feel bigger.
I've done a lot of work on myself over the years to get through that and don't have those same issues so that's a start. I also have convinced myself since day one that my kids owe me nothing, unconditional love is unconditional and I am a provider by choice and by action. This has put me in a position where I make sure that I can reason with my kids, if I yell it's because running in a parking lot is something that has to stop immediately because x. But I have yet to raise a hand and I have never had an urge.
I also freely apologize when I get a little stern just because my back is killing me and it's too noisy and the house is a circus. I don't always expect them to understand but I need to give myself permission to be human first and a dad second.
He was and still is a bully because he's a bit of a narcissist. He has a terrible sense of self worth but demanded respect from his kids and thought just being a father, who didn't do much to earn their affection or respect consistently, owed him respect. When this didn't happen, he had no other means than to become physically and verbally abusive. Narcissists love to reduce people to make themselves feel bigger.
I've done a lot of work on myself over the years to get through that and don't have those same issues so that's a start. I also have convinced myself since day one that my kids owe me nothing, unconditional love is unconditional and I am a provider by choice and by action. This has put me in a position where I make sure that I can reason with my kids, if I yell it's because running in a parking lot is something that has to stop immediately because x. But I have yet to raise a hand and I have never had an urge.
I also freely apologize when I get a little stern just because my back is killing me and it's too noisy and the house is a circus. I don't always expect them to understand but I need to give myself permission to be human first and a dad second.