@utay62 At that point you get him and go home before things get annoying because he lost interest. Not as punishment but simply because he's not interested.
How long you let him play with the ball pit is between you and his teacher.
But kicking and screaming is normal. I just chill and accept that. If I have to drag mine I need to be calm.
@utay62 my man, go listen to "peaceful parents, happy kids".
I have it on my drive in audiobook if you don't wanna pay for it. it helped me a lot.. I was usually yelling... and yelling louder if the first yell did not work... Eveything is better now talk to me in private if you want the book. I is worth it.
@isak950 I’m glad your kid was easy, but I’ll bet the house your kid was exceptionally easy and not the norm. My kid is great, but 99.99% of kids will have tantrums
@utay62 You are 100% correct here. It is perfectly normal for a child to have tantrums and there is no secret parenting technique to raise a child who never had one.
That being said, giving kids a safe way and place to deal with tantrums is definitely important. Helping them breathe and eventually try to name the things they are feeling is the goal and the way to help your child deal with their feelings.
@isak950 I'm with you. We live a disciplined life but I don't necessarily discipline. My daughter tantrums at my ex-wife's house but I have never really seen her tantrum. Being a calm parent and explaining everything to her has always helped her understand. Knowing how her mom acts, I understand why she would tantrum there. I would tantrum there.
Most parents are bad parents, and a shocking amount still strike their children (often explained away as spanking), instilling fear and anxiety, showing that you must take abuse from those who you need for security, and then wonder why their children act like maniacs. It ends up ones "intentions" don't affect the way hitting a child affects them.
The fact that I raise my daughter while other parents were watching TV and ignoring theirs is the reason I got "lucky" to have a "good child."
@raeh Yeah. We definitely strive to be calm parents too. Kids mimic, and kids find what gets them results. If you are calm and they find talking gets results... they will do both.
We went to a Halloween zoo event with two other families. The two other kids got light up wands. My son steps aside and quietly tells me "Dad, they both got light up wands. I feel left out." He didn't throw a tantrum, he expressed what he wanted, and why he wanted it.
Yup. People always tell us we got insanely lucky with how good and easy our kid is. And don't get me wrong, part of it is luck. But we spend a ton of time with him, we treat him as a person, and we have modeled/taught good behavior from the start.
@utay62 “How do you teach your kid to listen to you?”
This is an interesting question that I am sure many parents have. There are definitely certain situations where they have no choice but to listen (hold my hand when crossing the sidewalk, etc), but I don’t think “listening” to my directions all the time is the goal.
As a person who is a childhood SA survivor from a close adult family member, I am uncomfortable with “listening to me” being the goal. I want to teach my kid to be able to think for themselves, ask me “why” when I ask them to do something, etc.
@utay62 see other reply. covers this pretty well i think, and I am here you can ask as many questions as you want. I do hope you let me know which, if any, books you have tried so far.
@katrina2017 Haven’t tried any books. Not a big reader in general after I stare at my computer for 8 hours a day, but if there’s a great one, Got a recommendation?
@utay62 If you want to be a parent unlike your parents, you have to learn from other sources. If parenting is important to you, make time to read, or listen to audiobooks. Model that for your son, right? Don’t you want him to read?
@katrina2017 I appreciate this dialogue. I find myself naturally somewhere between these two styles. I will seek out these resources and try to adopt a more deliberate approach to conflict resolution.
@verka30 Totally, we all in this shit together. I am not even saying my way is right, just that I have this far loved the results. My dad used to beat the shit out of me. Like bad. I just ain't feeling that for my kid.
talk to me in private if you want the book. I is worth it.