How long should dads take paternity leave if they can afford to?

[sonnybaker]

@bert54 I love that lol

 

[amadeus71]

@sonnybaker I personally took 4 weeks in the beginning. I planned on 2, but I refused to go back to work as long as our baby was still in the hospital and the NICU. My wife took 12 weeks. When my wife went back to work, I took an additional 8 weeks. Essentially, I maxed out my FMLA time. If you can afford it, I highly recommend taking as much time as you can. It helps build that strong bond and it helps your wife.

 

[unifiedceo]

@sonnybaker Maximum.

 

[familylink]

@sonnybaker I’m 2 months in and I’ll probably do 5-6 or longer. It is insane how much work a newborn is and it is too much for just mom to take care of. It is exhausting!

 

[vhialemon]

@sonnybaker One day off? How does he expect to understand how to do literally anything with the baby? He’ll be absolutely helpless in pretty much every aspect

 

[sonnybaker]

@vhialemon I fear this too :/

 

[established_by_god]

@sonnybaker If they can afford to? Probably five years.

 

[katrina2017]

@sonnybaker The legal limit if you can afford it. 12 weeks for me.

 

[bigmumo]

@sonnybaker I (in the UK) took the maximum amount of time off that I could on full pay, which turned out to be 4 months in the end. My partner ended up having an emergency C-section, so having me around proved to be invaluable (baby was 11lb 5oz in the end too so she could barely lift him without being in pain).
You definitely don't want to put yourself into financial hardship, but what I will say is those 4 months I had were probably the happiest of my life. My sole focus was my family and being there for every milestone was utterly incredible.
What I will say, personally at least, is becoming a dad has made me re-evaluate my working life. My advice to your S/O would be to take the time off. He's completely replaceable at his work, he's not to your child.

 

[cashs]

@sonnybaker Maximum allowed

 

[katrina2017]

@sonnybaker It’s a difficult question to answer. Yes, taking one day off when money isn’t an issue seems a bit ridiculous. I also think returning to work after 3 months is a very reasonable and you sound a bit ridiculous thinking it’s so outlandish. Vast vast vast majority don’t take that much time off and put their kids in childcare. The childcare is an understandable fear for a new parent, but not very rational one. That said…I’m a big supporter of taking as much time as you can afford. Hell, if my wife could afford to stay home I’d love for her to stay home. I’d love to stay home too. Maybe you guys need to sit down and figure out what you can afford, because maybe he doesn’t think you guys are as financially secure as you feel you are.

 

[dbministries]

@sonnybaker What feels dangerous about sending your child to daycare after 3 months? I mean, in an ideal society you can spend as much time as you want with your baby. But I can tell you that daycares are regulated much more strict that your home likely is. It’s quite literally the safest place for your baby to be (assuming you vet the daycare and don’t just choose the cheapest option).

 

[cranberryjuice]

@sonnybaker How much less pay?

If it equals out to what he would be spending on going to work (transportation, parking, tolls, possibly dry cleaning if wearing a suit... etc), may just nudge him in the direction of staying home.

 

[hopeful321]

@sonnybaker I am a physician and it’s been my experience that my male colleagues don’t take much time off after having a baby. Most of us are workaholics and we see time off as damaging to our patients, to our practice, and to our reputation (as illogical as that sounds). That being said, I took 2 weeks off for my first child. I have one colleague who is a member of a certain religious community known for their prolific breeding (he currently has 6 kids and plans to have more). In his community the men don’t take time off from work for paternity leave, at all. Instead, other women from the church come together to support mom postpartum. I have no value judgement on this practice, merely showing that there are different perspectives on the matter.

IMO, postpartum moms should not be alone to bear all the responsibility of taking care of a newborn. If dad can’t, or won’t, be there you need to call on extended family to help out. If they can’t, then start looking for a postpartum doula, home nurse, night nurse, nanny, etc.

 

[robbie1987]

@sonnybaker I want to take the allowed 3 months under fmla, but my work only pays for 2 weeks off. I think it’s discrimination, but w/e.

I, at least, like knowing that I’ll be able to take as many sick days as I need if the kid gets sick, but I wish I could be there for my wife after birth for as long as possible.

 

[anonca]

@sonnybaker First time father here.

I took 4 weeks unpaid as there's basically no support offered to father's in New Zealand. It was a big hit but I saved for it in advance and they were 4 of the best weeks of my life.

With respect, if the bro can't take a couple weeks at least with partial pay, I would hope he'll take a good hard look either at his budget or his priorities. I'd strongly suggest he not miss it

 

[ajko]

@sonnybaker I guess it depends on the rationale. Is it because he feels like his role is to be the breadwinner? That a man's place is at work and that they can't really do much in the early days anyway? These sorts of gender roles get reinforced heavily. If that's the case, let him know you can't put a price on quality bonding time, even when they're so small.

If it's just that he just doesn't like the idea of staying home looking after the baby. Because if that's the case then you could argue that doing it all on your own isn't that appealing either.

 

[reesenichols]

@sonnybaker Maximum time allowed. Don't prioritize work over your family, period. Especially if you can afford it.

 

[tambakis]

@sonnybaker I took 8 weeks of leave (max allowed), plus two weeks of vacation, plus another 2 weeks where I just didn't work (pre-delivery), then went back part time for about a month and a half. It was NOT enough and if I could have taken more without damaging my career, I would have.

 

[tambakis]

One more thing to keep in mind is, if you have a professional spouse who desperately wants to go back to work, if you go back to work before your spouse, it will definitely build some resentment. Watch out for that dynamic and do everything possible, i.e., arrange for a nanny or day care or whatever, before you go back to work.