@huntinheros I did attachment parenting 25 years ago. I just slept with all 4 of my babies up until they were 2 or 3. I got a lot more sleep that way. But I also put them in a separate crib or bassinet in my room if I felt we were disturbing each other. I suggest you just try occasionally laying the baby in their own space and see whether that improves their sleep. Don't over think it it does not have to be all or nothing, some nights they will sleep better not next to you and some nights they will sleep fine with you. By having them in arms reach or in your room they don't have to cry long enough to get real worked up as they would in another room.
Bed sharing but I keep being told that babies sleep better in there own rooms by people who in my bumper group
- Thread starter huntinheros
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katrina2017
New member
@huntinheros My girl is 11 months and has been bedsharing with us since around 5-6 months, before that she was in a bassinet next to the bed. Her sleep has greatly improved the last month or so (she sleeps 7:30p-6:30a, occasionally will wake around 5a but can usually be cuddled back to sleep) I do love having her right next to me. No one is getting up at 3am to run around the house to comfort her. She loves being cuddled and warm, and she gets that with us. I did try to move her a couple months ago to a pack n play right next to the bed but at around midnight I woke up and she was standing and staring at me looking sad lol so back in bed with us she has stayed. We love it. Every baby really is different, but I know mine will get the most sleep when she is right next to me. It did take awhile before she really had a rhythm though
@huntinheros If you're on Facebook, try following The Beyond Sleep Project groups for tips if you're not into CIO/sleep training.
I think what you're living is likely totally normal for 4.5 months. If you're in the U.S. especially, CIO has become so common and expected that many assume it's what you're supposed to do. I also find that people are more likely to talk about when things are going well for them (aka their kid is sleeping) and the ones whose kids aren't sleeping (even though it's normal) feel like they've failed and don't want to talk about it. The group I posted above will make you feel more typical.
I think what you're living is likely totally normal for 4.5 months. If you're in the U.S. especially, CIO has become so common and expected that many assume it's what you're supposed to do. I also find that people are more likely to talk about when things are going well for them (aka their kid is sleeping) and the ones whose kids aren't sleeping (even though it's normal) feel like they've failed and don't want to talk about it. The group I posted above will make you feel more typical.
katrina2017
New member
@huntinheros At 4 months I thought I was doing amazing with sleep. She would sleep in a cradle in our room and sleep like 7-8 hours straight. Then things got worse then better then worse then better and now worse again at almost 10 months. It sounds like a lot of people are in a good sleep time in your group, you'll get yours. And they will too 
. My daughter always sleeps awful when she's really working on a skill. I think her brain is processing a lot as she sleeps and it leads to frequent wake ups. Right now we're working on 'mama' and walking. I kept changing things when she was little little. Crib, pack and play, floor bed, on bed with us, and sometimes back and forth. If anything I think it just prolonged the tough sleep time.
. My daughter always sleeps awful when she's really working on a skill. I think her brain is processing a lot as she sleeps and it leads to frequent wake ups. Right now we're working on 'mama' and walking. I kept changing things when she was little little. Crib, pack and play, floor bed, on bed with us, and sometimes back and forth. If anything I think it just prolonged the tough sleep time.@huntinheros Hey! I'm pretty sure you're in my bumper group. Sleep training has been a hot topic lately. First of all, sleep is vital. If you feel you would be a better parent with baby sleeping in another room, then try it, by all means.
Secondly, your little might be in the midst of a sleep regression. We just got out of one and it was awful. Literally waking every hour. I almost cracked at that point as well.
Thirdly, every baby is different. A lot of women in our group are....militant....about sleep training, to say the least. They seem to think that its going to be a miracle solution for every single baby. Thats not true, and don't buy into it. If YOU want to try sleeping separately then go for it, but don't expect it to be an automatic, blissful, aleep through the night, transition.
Hang in there mama! I know our group, especially on FB, is pretty pro-sleep training, but you're not alone. There's plenty of attachment parents there too
Secondly, your little might be in the midst of a sleep regression. We just got out of one and it was awful. Literally waking every hour. I almost cracked at that point as well.
Thirdly, every baby is different. A lot of women in our group are....militant....about sleep training, to say the least. They seem to think that its going to be a miracle solution for every single baby. Thats not true, and don't buy into it. If YOU want to try sleeping separately then go for it, but don't expect it to be an automatic, blissful, aleep through the night, transition.
Hang in there mama! I know our group, especially on FB, is pretty pro-sleep training, but you're not alone. There's plenty of attachment parents there too
humbleservant1992
New member
@christad The amount of sleep training in our group is off putting to me. I try not to compare sleep patterns to others in the group bc usually the ones with the babies “sleeping through the night” are the ones who used methods I’m not ever going to be comfortable with. I’m glad to hear there are more attachment parents there, even though I’m sure we’re in the minority lol. That one anti bedsharing post on fb the other day really messed with me. So unhelpful!
@humbleservant1992 Hey ladies! We're in there, just tired of voicing our alternative style to no avail. I've been reading the daily chat less and less because I personally get too emotional reading through all the CIO reports. It feels icky to us for a reason! 
Both of my kids are EBF and sleep share. They both have nursed about every 2hrs through the night until 7ish months when solids became more of a thing. My son is almost 5 and sleeps great, though his bed is in our room (new baby+new house with kid rooms on opposite end of the house
).
If the 4mo regression is a thing, then Freyja is doing it for naps, which have become only 30-40 minutes, but she basically sleeps through the night. I wake before she does when she's hungry and just dream feed her so she never fully wakes. If she were in a side car or the other room, then she'd have to wake fully every two-ish hours to make enough noise to summon me.
As others have said, try it if you want, but don't feel like you're doing anything wrong if you and your family are happy with the current setup.
Both of my kids are EBF and sleep share. They both have nursed about every 2hrs through the night until 7ish months when solids became more of a thing. My son is almost 5 and sleeps great, though his bed is in our room (new baby+new house with kid rooms on opposite end of the house
).If the 4mo regression is a thing, then Freyja is doing it for naps, which have become only 30-40 minutes, but she basically sleeps through the night. I wake before she does when she's hungry and just dream feed her so she never fully wakes. If she were in a side car or the other room, then she'd have to wake fully every two-ish hours to make enough noise to summon me.
As others have said, try it if you want, but don't feel like you're doing anything wrong if you and your family are happy with the current setup.
@pastorgs I’m in there too, and not one for sleep training. I’ve started voicing my non sleep training opinion more often with our bumpers group just so moms know we are out there and they don’t have to listen to their babies cry if it doesn’t feel right to them. But it’s hard in that pro sleep training, pro room separation space!
We have baby in the room with us and I think she sleeps better when one of us is in the room with her. We’re not going to consider moving her until she is 6 months. She is also waking up all the time right now, but I don’t think moving her would work and I don’t want to anyway. Our baby is learning so much right now that I’m not surprised her sleep is impacted.
Do what feels right for you! I don’t think there are any magic sleep solutions, unfortunately.
We have baby in the room with us and I think she sleeps better when one of us is in the room with her. We’re not going to consider moving her until she is 6 months. She is also waking up all the time right now, but I don’t think moving her would work and I don’t want to anyway. Our baby is learning so much right now that I’m not surprised her sleep is impacted.
Do what feels right for you! I don’t think there are any magic sleep solutions, unfortunately.
@antonio99 I'm so glad there are more of us out there! Yay!
humbleservant1992
New member
@pastorgs I’m glad you’re there!! I try to voice our thinking sometimes, too, but I’m scared of being vilified. Someone even suggested having a trigger warning for pro-bedsharing posts in the fb group so that it wouldn’t become normalized 
. I hate that sleep training is what gets normalized instead. I’m thankful for this sub and the biologically normal sleep fb group (although sometimes their enthusiasm seems like an overcompensation of sorts). I can’t read the CIO posts either, it just makes me feel so sad for those babies 
. I hate that sleep training is what gets normalized instead. I’m thankful for this sub and the biologically normal sleep fb group (although sometimes their enthusiasm seems like an overcompensation of sorts). I can’t read the CIO posts either, it just makes me feel so sad for those babies @humbleservant1992 Ooh! Can you link the bio sleep group? I'd like to check it out.
Maybe we need a "bed sharing check in" post... I'll think about making one later today.
(My husband and son just left on their first overnight hike without me. He is so excited. I hope bedtime goes well for them.)
Maybe we need a "bed sharing check in" post... I'll think about making one later today.
(My husband and son just left on their first overnight hike without me. He is so excited. I hope bedtime goes well for them.)
humbleservant1992
New member
@pastorgs Haha yesss a bedsharing check in post 
I would definitely chime in. All sides should have a space to speak about their parenting strategies.
Here’s a link to that fb group.
Good luck to your husband and son! What will you do with all your free time and extra rest? Worry about how they’re doing?
I would definitely chime in. All sides should have a space to speak about their parenting strategies. Here’s a link to that fb group.
Good luck to your husband and son! What will you do with all your free time and extra rest? Worry about how they’re doing?
@humbleservant1992 Thanks for the link!
I just unpaused my Hulu account so I can binge Married at First Sight.
I'll probably fold six loads of laundry
I just unpaused my Hulu account so I can binge Married at First Sight.
I'll probably fold six loads of laundry
@humbleservant1992 I went ahead and made a check in post. Can't wait to count the down votes
ahlanwasahlan1111
New member
@humbleservant1992 I left my bumper group because of all the sleep training BS when my daughter was 6 months old or so. I know a few others who did the same. Reddit is overall anti-AP and pro-sleep training. Glad I found this group instead!
@humbleservant1992 That was a really difficult post, very upsetting. I'm an admin in both groups, here and FB, so I have to keep a level head and serve both sides. But the amount of CIO posts I've been seeing lately are honestly breaking my heart. Like you said, not something I would ever be comfortable with. I'm glad to see there are more of us here!
humbleservant1992
New member
@humbleservant1992 Oh you're welcome! I really love interacting with everyone. Difference in opinions aside, I absolutely adore our March group. Its by far one of the most supportive bumper groups I have ever seen ❤
humbleservant1992
New member
@christad You’re so right, it is a really great group overall. I think we have something really special. The sleep thing is really my only gripe. I’m getting a lot of benefit from the community there, particularly bc of the isolation of COVID. Reading and participating in posts are some of the highlights of my day. This is my first baby and first bumper group, I hope my next one can be just as awesome but I’ll probably have to temper my expectations lol