@ourvoyage Deleted because OP did indeed ask for anecdotes.
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Cosleeping vs bed sharing for 4 month old
- Thread starter xuanang01
- Start date
@xuanang01 Anecdote here, with pros and cons. I transitioned to bedsharing with my first at four months bc we decided CIO was not for us. It was hard in the sense that I wasn’t able to leave the bed without rousing her until she was about 14 months old. Until then the slightest movement would wake her and she’d cry for me. So her bedtime became my bedtime. She never took to a bottle or pacifier either so it had to be me. It was hard and I resented being the parent she needed for sleep, but I adapted. Bedtime at 7? Ok I’ll bring my laptop to bed, read some ebooks on my Kindle app. I never had to deal with sleep regressions or being overtired the next day. It worked great for us in that sense.
A second downside to bedsharing in addition to potentially being bed-trapped by your baby for the first 1.5 years is traveling—if you visit family or friends, be prepared to have to continue your bedtime routine in a new place. You might have to have some awkward conversations about bedsharing if you travel without a pack and play or bassinet; you won’t be able to stay out late or be able to put your kid to bed and sneak downstairs to hang out with your friends/family. Unless, of course, you’re the family that takes their kid everywhere at all hours and is fine with them falling asleep wherever and whenever. Bedsharing is very much responsive parenting in the sense that your child’s needs come first.
For my second, I really wanted to make the crib work so that I would have more freedom during naps and night time, but he’s so much fussier, and I’m so tired, and most nights I end up taking him to bed with me bc I know it is a sure thing. I’m hoping we can do a hybrid of crib to start and bedshare later if needed.
To close, I did what felt right for my family, stopped visiting social media outlets shaming first time parents if they didn’t do things the “right way,” and educated myself about how other countries and cultures handled infant sleep. The US is supremely paranoid and militant about infant sleep, it’s INSANE. We have a whole industry devoted to getting your baby to sleep well. Idk where it came from but it’s enough to stress out any first time parent.
A second downside to bedsharing in addition to potentially being bed-trapped by your baby for the first 1.5 years is traveling—if you visit family or friends, be prepared to have to continue your bedtime routine in a new place. You might have to have some awkward conversations about bedsharing if you travel without a pack and play or bassinet; you won’t be able to stay out late or be able to put your kid to bed and sneak downstairs to hang out with your friends/family. Unless, of course, you’re the family that takes their kid everywhere at all hours and is fine with them falling asleep wherever and whenever. Bedsharing is very much responsive parenting in the sense that your child’s needs come first.
For my second, I really wanted to make the crib work so that I would have more freedom during naps and night time, but he’s so much fussier, and I’m so tired, and most nights I end up taking him to bed with me bc I know it is a sure thing. I’m hoping we can do a hybrid of crib to start and bedshare later if needed.
To close, I did what felt right for my family, stopped visiting social media outlets shaming first time parents if they didn’t do things the “right way,” and educated myself about how other countries and cultures handled infant sleep. The US is supremely paranoid and militant about infant sleep, it’s INSANE. We have a whole industry devoted to getting your baby to sleep well. Idk where it came from but it’s enough to stress out any first time parent.
thatrgguy95
New member
@xuanang01 My youngest kid died on one and we never coslept. I always placed them on the ground. Don’t be me.
dierefferty
New member
@xuanang01 We co-sleep and have done since the day baby came home. We’re now 4.5 months in. Baby sleeps on my side. One pillow for me. Blanket only comes up to my waist and not on baby. He’s in a sleep sack. I lay on my side with one arm outstretched above his head. Never once have we had a scare. I can say that in my experience (me being a very light sleeper) it’s the only way I’m able to get adequate amounts of rest.
We have a bassinet on my side of the bed also and I transition between sleeping with me if I feel too drowsy and also transitioning bub into his own sleeping space. All naps during the day and early evening are done in his room in his cot.
I know a lot of other countries don’t practice co-sleeping but a lot of other counties / cultures do.
I still think of SIDS all the time. I read everything there was to read available to me to make informed and smart decisions when co-sleeping.
There’s always going to be risk factors and you need to do what’s comfortable for you and works with your lifestyle. And always be cautious!
We have a bassinet on my side of the bed also and I transition between sleeping with me if I feel too drowsy and also transitioning bub into his own sleeping space. All naps during the day and early evening are done in his room in his cot.
I know a lot of other countries don’t practice co-sleeping but a lot of other counties / cultures do.
I still think of SIDS all the time. I read everything there was to read available to me to make informed and smart decisions when co-sleeping.
There’s always going to be risk factors and you need to do what’s comfortable for you and works with your lifestyle. And always be cautious!
@xuanang01 So we started bedshring when my daughter was 3 months since I was loosing sleep and it was just easier. We followed safe sleep practicees and while I am very pro science I also understand that SIDS is complicated and most of the world bedshares. If you sleep on a relatively firm serfice with light to limited covering just like a crib then the risk is reduced. A side car crib is also a good option and can be the best of both worlds. Now our current problem is transitioning my daughter out of our bed but my daughter is now 3 years old. You need to do what gets you and baby the best sleep and if that means bedsharing then doing it in the safest way possible to reduce risks might be the best to keep everyone safe. I am a light sleeper and our bed is safe and I followed safe sleep practices so I felt safe bedsharing to get a good night's sleep and 3 years later I have a toddler who is healthy and happy.
@xuanang01 I often bedshare for my baby’s last sleep cycle, past 4/5 AM. He wants to be close to sleep and I often doze off. I think it’s harm reduction to place him in a safe position in case I do fall asleep next to him. I follow the safe sleep 7. It’s that or my partner takes him to the living room around 4:30. Once he’s out of the room and I know he’s safe and I don’t have to listen for him I sleep so much more deeply. When I bedshare I sleep super lightly. It also tends to induce nightmares that I lose him in the sheets. I’ll wake up at other times in a panic looking for him only to find him in the bassinet. It’s a less than perfect solution.
@xuanang01 Anecdotally, I've met very few families in real life who have not at least once in awhile slept with their infants but have yet to meet anyone whose lost a child to sids and the data does show that sids is rare. I once went to a coroner's presentation on sids/suids deaths and I found it very deeply upsetting. My kids have never been great sleepers, but I really took the presentation to heart and did not sleep with a baby in my bed until they were at least 6 months and then, only while following safe 7. I don't think we are comparable. I am a sahm, I rarely drive, and my partner usually gives me time in the morning to catch up on sleep. I do not fly helicopters for multiple hours a day.
One thing to consider tbough, is that this phase may be temporary. You are moving. Your routines are all out of whack and baby may be picking up on the stress/having difficulties with the life changes. If baby is around 4 months, that is a time of major change in how the baby's brain moves through sleep cycles and their sleep becomes very disrupted while they adjust. There are lots of ways to prioritize sleep with a baby, some of them will work better for your particular family than others.
One thing to consider tbough, is that this phase may be temporary. You are moving. Your routines are all out of whack and baby may be picking up on the stress/having difficulties with the life changes. If baby is around 4 months, that is a time of major change in how the baby's brain moves through sleep cycles and their sleep becomes very disrupted while they adjust. There are lots of ways to prioritize sleep with a baby, some of them will work better for your particular family than others.
@xuanang01 I bed shared with both of mine until about 6 or 7 months and it was the only way we got sleep.
@xuanang01 I slept with both my sons. I am currently co- sleeping with my daughter who is almost 2 and still nursing. I think it’s best to sleep however makes the most sleep for everyone. Take naps when you can when your child takes one to make up for night sleep that’s lost. Just be careful of bed falls. I have a twin under the stairs we sleep on so no worries about falls.
@xuanang01 Since you ask for anecdotes:
I have a co-sleeping crib but 90% of the time I bed share. I still like having the crib because I’m afraid of baby falling. When he is older and more mobile I’ll probably just put my mattress on the floor. We sleep great, he nurses a few times a night but we are always half asleep and I could not imagine having to get out of bed to nurse him!
I have a co-sleeping crib but 90% of the time I bed share. I still like having the crib because I’m afraid of baby falling. When he is older and more mobile I’ll probably just put my mattress on the floor. We sleep great, he nurses a few times a night but we are always half asleep and I could not imagine having to get out of bed to nurse him!
@xuanang01 I reccomend grabbing a copy of Safe Infant Sleep by Mckenna to Read.
He has an extensive list of ways you can reduce the risks when bedsharing, in order to make the best choices for your family. If you ultimately don't feel traditional bedsharing is best for you he also has recommended cosleepers at the back of the book.
Another option is also setting up a side car crib - a cot with 1 side removed, secured to your bed. That way you can roll over into the cot to put bub to sleep cuddling, but then roll back to your own sleep surface once they're asleep.
He has an extensive list of ways you can reduce the risks when bedsharing, in order to make the best choices for your family. If you ultimately don't feel traditional bedsharing is best for you he also has recommended cosleepers at the back of the book.
Another option is also setting up a side car crib - a cot with 1 side removed, secured to your bed. That way you can roll over into the cot to put bub to sleep cuddling, but then roll back to your own sleep surface once they're asleep.
cpboarder17
New member
@xuanang01 We have bed shared since my bub was a month or so old as she would not sleep/settle in the bassinet. We found the cacoonababy to be the best investment. It allowed us to give her a secure place to sleep, strapped in but it felt like she was ‘with us’ in our bed and we immediately noticed a positive difference in everyone’s sleep. It’s only used until bub is 3 months or so.
We also used a heat pack to warm it prior to putting her in and we think that helped too.
Our paediatrician said he used it with his children.
We’re in Australia btw.
Edited - I forgot your bub js four months old so this wouldn’t be suitable.
We also used a heat pack to warm it prior to putting her in and we think that helped too.
Our paediatrician said he used it with his children.
We’re in Australia btw.
Edited - I forgot your bub js four months old so this wouldn’t be suitable.
@xuanang01 We started bedsharing around 4 months when we were in a small apartment, waiting to move to our house. My son outgrew his bassinet and it was the only feasible option and we’re still bedsharing at 15 months. I was a lot more nervous in the first few months when he was so small and didn’t roll well, and I definitely slept lightly. We somewhat sleep trained when we moved (around 5.5 months old) so that he could spend a few hours on his own because my mental health was suffering.
Now that he’s 15m old he goes down in his crib and I bring him into the bed with me when he wakes up, which is anywhere from 2-5am. It’s been a lifesaver for us, I desperately need my sleep especially with working 12 hour shifts. I also LOVE our nighttime cuddles because we don’t spend as much time together now.
Now that he’s 15m old he goes down in his crib and I bring him into the bed with me when he wakes up, which is anywhere from 2-5am. It’s been a lifesaver for us, I desperately need my sleep especially with working 12 hour shifts. I also LOVE our nighttime cuddles because we don’t spend as much time together now.
masterluthfi
New member
@xuanang01 I started bed sharing before my baby (now 9 months) was 2 weeks old. She is a great sleeper, but every bassinet (tried several different kinds), pack n play and crib, did not work. She would not stay asleep. But if I put her on our (much more comfortable firm bed) she'd sleep soundly for hours and fall asleep on her own easily, without being near me. I tried so hard not to, even though I knew that developmentally it's what babies need and want and the majority of the world does it, but I fell asleep sitting up one day, while holding her, and almost dropped her (dropped her down to my lap and thankfully I woke up).
To this day all I really have to do for naps is lay her down, put her pacifier in, and sit or lay next to her for a few mins. Then I leave and she sleeps fine on her own. At bed time she goes to bed like that at 7 pm and I don't go to bed till 11 pm. I have never had to rock her, shush her, hold her, etc. because she learned to fall asleep laying down next to me. And if I am holding her and she wants to sleep she struggles to get out of my arms till I olput her down on our bed, then she lays down, opens her mouth for her pacifier and goes to sleep on her own.
Follow the safe sleep seven, look up a floor bed (so you don't have to worry about baby falling off your bed), and do what your baby needs and wants.
BTW, I'm an early childhood educator, child development does not jive with sleep training, so I would never do it and I don't know anyone in my industry who has either. Also, sleep training is super privileged so definitely doesn't work for a lot of families, they deserve solutions they work for them.
Edit: typos ans clarification
To this day all I really have to do for naps is lay her down, put her pacifier in, and sit or lay next to her for a few mins. Then I leave and she sleeps fine on her own. At bed time she goes to bed like that at 7 pm and I don't go to bed till 11 pm. I have never had to rock her, shush her, hold her, etc. because she learned to fall asleep laying down next to me. And if I am holding her and she wants to sleep she struggles to get out of my arms till I olput her down on our bed, then she lays down, opens her mouth for her pacifier and goes to sleep on her own.
Follow the safe sleep seven, look up a floor bed (so you don't have to worry about baby falling off your bed), and do what your baby needs and wants.
BTW, I'm an early childhood educator, child development does not jive with sleep training, so I would never do it and I don't know anyone in my industry who has either. Also, sleep training is super privileged so definitely doesn't work for a lot of families, they deserve solutions they work for them.
Edit: typos ans clarification
cliffordcash
New member
@masterluthfi My baby sleeps in his crib, pretty much exactly as you described your daughter sleeping in your bed. He doesn't care for his dummy, although we have tried, but the rest is exactly the same. I think that's how some babies are, whether or not you take calculated risks with them.
thanksyoueel
New member
@xuanang01 I am literally counting down the days until my two week old reaches four months. She sleeps so well beside me, but I have to stay awake and keep her there so long before I can transfer her to her bedside bassinet without waking her. For some absolutely idiotic reason all of the bedside bassinets I could find in the country I live in have a ledge that doesn't go down that separates them from the bed and I can't just slide her over without waking her. I hate it. 100% will be bed sharing after 4 months.
wayofthepromise
New member
@thanksyoueel I’m curious what has helped you decide on the 4 month threshold
thanksyoueel
New member
@wayofthepromise From the Safe Sleep Seven page of the La Leche League website (https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/), from the paragraph directly below the listed seven guidelines: "By the time the baby is about four months old, research indicates that bedsharing with a healthy baby by any responsible nonsmoking adult on a safe surface is as safe as any other sleep arrangement."
@xuanang01 Anecdotally, I started bedsharing at 1-2 weeks and my daughter is 11 weeks. I was falling asleep on the couch with her in my arms in those very early days, only getting 3-4 hours a night and creating a dangerous situation for us both. We started bed sharing and I've slept better, and now she spends the majority of the night in her bassinet, then the last 2-3 hours in our bed.
Whatever works for your family us the most ideal solution. It sounds like you can't do your job safely in that situation.
Whatever works for your family us the most ideal solution. It sounds like you can't do your job safely in that situation.
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