Bed sharing but I keep being told that babies sleep better in there own rooms by people who in my bumper group

[huntinheros]

I’m desperately in need of more sleep my LO wakes up every 1-2 hours at night for the last month (she’s 4.5 months old) and I keep seeing people in my bumper group say that their babies sleep so much better in their own room.

I really wanted to continue bed sharing but this is making me rethink my choice. These people went from the baby in their room to a different room and it helped their baby sleep longer. Idk what to do, I’ve never let her cry before, all she does is coo and I feed/cuddle her but if she was in the other room she would be calling for me and I wouldn’t be able to hear her unless she was louder.

Ugh sorry this is like a middle of the night post so it’s probably a mess, I was thinking maybe instead of bed sharing I should put her in her pack n play in the room with me but idk if that would make a difference.

Thank you so much for all the kind words, I wrote this during one of her many over night feeds. She’s been waking up like this for over a month and a half so I’m not sure if it’s sleep regression because of the length of time but I’m pretty sure I’m going to keep pushing along and hope something happens soon. Waking up to her smile every morning is the highlight of my day and I’m not ready to give that up yet but only averaging 4.5 hours of really broken sleep a night for the last month and a half has been really hard.

 

[spreading_the_gospel]

@huntinheros Please remember every baby is different. My baby woke every 2-3 hours to eat until 14 months old and I don’t think it would have made any difference if we didn’t cosleep. If anything it would have been way worse because I wouldn’t have gotten as much sleep.

 

[richard1970]

@spreading_the_gospel Thank you for sharing. My baby is almost a year and we have tried everything. Wakes every 3-4 hours regardless

 

[notsparedtherod]

@spreading_the_gospel My 9 month old just started sleeping longer stretches last week (now about 4-5 hrs, but still sometimes 2-3) and we have never co-slept. Before then it was every 2-3 hours to eat all the time. So, I agree with kindredspirit.

 

[everyrose]

@huntinheros Honestly SOME babies do. They are not the norm. Try and see if your baby does....but if not that's normal.

My first slept with us for years. My second...honestly I don't think he cares where I am as long as there's snacks in the morning.

 

[crosswise]

@everyrose Exactly this. After my second baby I realized how different two babies could actually be. I'm starting to believe there is no truth in any kind of sleep method that works best. There are only methods work for best for a baby.

My first slept better with me, still it was not a good sleep, and she didn't sleep thorough the night until she was 4 years old. There second sleeps better in a crib, next to my bed. She can't sleep well with me in the same bed but prefer a very noisy pack & play.

Since the second baby was born, the first came back to our bed. Now I'm sleeping with my 4yo, and my 6mo sleeps in her crib. Go figure!

Edit: my first didn't sleep through the night until 4 years old, not 4 months old. I wish I was so lucky

 

[notsparedtherod]

@crosswise I agree with you. If there were truly one method that worked best then why are there so many different suggestions?!?!?!??? I am now calling it the Baby Sleep Industrial Complex. It’s like the diet industry. Everyone claiming to have the magic cure.

 

[everyrose]

@crosswise Same!!

 

[dvm0071]

@huntinheros Oh I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
First off, your baby may be in the 4 month sleep regression so everything is hard with sleep because of that, not necessarily because of you bedsharing.

Secondly if you feel strongly that you don’t want to let your baby cry it out, that’s ok!!! It’s against what most people do and that’s why it seems like your bumper group is against you but trust your instincts on this one.

I bed shared with my baby until she was about 8 months old and it worked well for us! I would also recommend looking into holistic sleep people- I follow Taylor Kulik on Instagram and her account has been so helpful to me.

 

[charles1992]

@huntinheros My baby is 14months and we bedshare. He slept through the night at 5 months. There's no evidence of what these people are saying. Bedsharing means you can respond to her faster and that should mean that her sleep-wake-sleep cycle is over faster.

 

[p1saint]

@charles1992 This! If you don't intend on ignoring your baby all moving them to their own room does is make you have to get out of bed and interrupt your own sleep even more. We started bed sharing at 4 months because I got so tired of even getting her out of her own bed in our room and she wouldn't be put back down anyway. Now she's almost 7 months and while she still wakes frequently I barely notice. Her stretches are getting longer too and we're usually getting a 4 hour stretch at night now at least.

 

[keekjaci]

@charles1992 My daughter was sleeping through the night at 3 months while bed sharing. I felt so guilty to not sleep train but it was an non-issue

 

[metanoiabum]

@huntinheros I have been in your shoes. I get it. I was so foggy I called myself Dory (from Finding Nemo). But it did get better.

I am probably going to get lambasted for this, but here’s my perspective. Developmental psychologists are just now starting to study infant sleep. There’s some indication that letting your baby cry it out leads to a higher likelihood of depression and/or anxiety as an adult. And it makes sense from an evolutionary perspective. Babies back in the day were more likely to survive the night if they were with a parent. So, when they find themselves alone, they cry to attract the parent. Why do they stop crying? Because if the parent doesn’t show up, then the crying is likely to attract a predator. So what’s the second best survival technique if left alone in the woods? Silence.

Admittedly, that’s all conjecture, but it makes sense to me.

Hang in there.

 

[urbanbee]

@metanoiabum Do you have a source for that study? I'd love to read it. I feel like that is intuitively right but parents who do cry it out are adamant that it doesnt have any longterm effects.

 

[shkana]

@urbanbee Not who you asked, but if you can, check out the show BABIES on Netflix. They talk about lots of different studies, and it seems like all of the emerging evidence supports a more AP focused style of parenting. They demonstrate how babies react to being ignored and how that effects stress levels and more long-term development.

 

[nealdx]

@urbanbee I’ve read this as well and will look to see if I saved that source. Related, BASIS is doing a lot of work in this field. Their entire website is gold, but here is the sleep development page:

https://www.basisonline.org.uk/normal-sleep-development/

 

[metanoiabum]

@urbanbee Unfortunately, I’m riding out the pandemic on the opposite side of the country from my office, so I don’t have access right now.

 

[joey101]

@huntinheros I will say, I am bed sharing with a 5.5 month old and just a month ago, mine went through this as well. I think it’s something about this time in their development, they are getting more adult-like sleep patterns. Mine woke every hour for like two weeks straight.

And she’s sorted it out and is back to doing long stretches- anywhere from 4-6 hours at a time.

I’m feeling you though. I just started worrying that she may not be getting the real rest she needs. But I’m going to keep at it.

 

[huntinheros]

@joey101 Unfortunately I’m a month and a half and so I don’t really think it’s sleep regression anymore. But I don’t think I’m ready to give up yet hopefully she goes back to the four hours that she was doing before soon.

 

[tommyp]

@huntinheros My now 9 month old went through about 5-6 weeks of TERRIBLE every 2 hour wake ups from 4-5.5 months old. Then magically it got better. We bedshare Ave she wakes up twice a night for a quick feed and is right back to sleep. It will pass!