@liannakeller If your baby is putting themselves to sleep at 6 months without sleep training, your child is definitely not a poor sleeper (as OP is asking about). When you only have one child and they sleep well like that it is easy to assume that all babies are capable of sleeping like that, but you have just gotten very lucky! My first baby was like that; my second two were terrible sleepers after they hit the 4 month sleep regression and were waking multiple times a night until I sleep trained them at 8 and 9 months.
What happens to poor sleepers who aren’t sleep trained?
- Thread starter ebveloz
- Start date
momof3teens
New member
@ebveloz I’ll let you know when I know. Our oldest is 5, never sleep trained and mostly coslept. Always been very poor sleeper unless cosleeping then like a log. She still cannot go to sleep without us there for about 30 minutes and gets anxiety about being left. She will wake up and come into our room after 1-2 hours and meltdown if we try to put her back.
I think this is probably unrelated to sleep training or not, she’s probably just a poor sleeper with anxiety.
Younger siblings have similar issues though.
I think this is probably unrelated to sleep training or not, she’s probably just a poor sleeper with anxiety.
Younger siblings have similar issues though.
hoohkostwon
New member
@col1 Last time I've looked into this for my sister I've read that cosleeping with school age children (6+) can actually worsen anxiety.
It's certainly going to be hard to break that habit but short term pain of those meltdowns will eventually net you less and less meltdowns and more sleep. (Assuming she's neurotypical)
It's certainly going to be hard to break that habit but short term pain of those meltdowns will eventually net you less and less meltdowns and more sleep. (Assuming she's neurotypical)
@ebveloz Anecdotal (d'oh!): Sleep got much better once we stopped breastfeeding at 2.1. I was very skeptical but it did help a lot.
She's 2.6 now and she still wakes up sometimes to come snuggle/use the toilet, but she sleeps again immediately. It doesn't impact my life quality. I leave the room once she sleeps, or stay if I want to.
She also accepts dad as comfort, whereas when BFing it was all about me.
So I have no regrets not sleep training so far.
She's 2.6 now and she still wakes up sometimes to come snuggle/use the toilet, but she sleeps again immediately. It doesn't impact my life quality. I leave the room once she sleeps, or stay if I want to.
She also accepts dad as comfort, whereas when BFing it was all about me. So I have no regrets not sleep training so far.
@ebveloz I wish there was better research on this! I was a unicorn crib sleeper as a baby who night weaned myself early, sucked my thumb obsessively (ruined my teeth) and was not sleep trained (went into my parent’s bed a lot as a toddler, grew out of it) and I’m still a great sleeper. My husband is a poor sleeper (seems to run in his family) was sleep trained/CIO and never allowed to go into his parents room at night, and had nighttime anxiety and insomnia as a child and still as an adult. Could it have been different if we were parented differently? Idk.
Our daughter (12 months) is more like him - fights naps and won’t nap longer than 30 minutes without soothing, wakes quite a bit screaming at night. Responds poorly to gentle methods of encouraging her to go back to sleep on her own (pick up put down, patting her back) and refuses a pacifier and sucking fingers or thumb. She’s breast fed but stopped nursing to sleep on her own at 10 months. I always respond to her quickly at night and though we have bed shared in the past when her waking was more frequent, I am having success with her going to sleep in her own (floor) bed and sleeping in her room all night, as long as I go in to soothe her 2-4 very short wake-ups. I think she’s on track to be a typical American toddler who sleeps in her own room but still wakes at least 2x per night and needs help to go back to sleep. I see some people call that a ‘bad sleeper’ but based on the parents I actually know I think that’s pretty average
Our daughter (12 months) is more like him - fights naps and won’t nap longer than 30 minutes without soothing, wakes quite a bit screaming at night. Responds poorly to gentle methods of encouraging her to go back to sleep on her own (pick up put down, patting her back) and refuses a pacifier and sucking fingers or thumb. She’s breast fed but stopped nursing to sleep on her own at 10 months. I always respond to her quickly at night and though we have bed shared in the past when her waking was more frequent, I am having success with her going to sleep in her own (floor) bed and sleeping in her room all night, as long as I go in to soothe her 2-4 very short wake-ups. I think she’s on track to be a typical American toddler who sleeps in her own room but still wakes at least 2x per night and needs help to go back to sleep. I see some people call that a ‘bad sleeper’ but based on the parents I actually know I think that’s pretty average
@ebveloz Another anecdote, but my nephews aren’t sleep trained. One is 4.5 years and the other is 1.5 years. The 4.5 year old sleeps with his dad, wakes up several times a night and gets up before 6am every morning. The 1.5 year old sleeps separately with his mum. It looks like a nightmare parenting set up and one I try to avoid with my daughter at all costs.
@ebveloz Anecdotally my nearly 9 month old has put themselves to sleep several times in the last few weeks once we've done the nighttime routine, although we sit nearby until we hear the breathing deepen. Right now we're facing hourly wakes due to what I strongly suspect is teething pain, but most nights have been wakes every 3-4 hours, suggesting that LO is capable of linking sleep cycles.
@ebveloz Anecdotal, but we sleep trained both our kids and they sleep great. They (3y, 10m) are both able to independently fall asleep at nap time after a short routine, and the baby is rocked/fed to sleep at night bc she's pooped at the end of the day. However this took a lot of work and they were both terrible sleepers prior to any sleep training.
My sister never did any sleep training with her 7yo and she cannot sleep independently and will sob for hours at sleepovers with her grandparents.
I believe the method doesn't matter, but children benefit from being taught good sleep habits just like they benefit from being taught good food or hygiene habits
My sister never did any sleep training with her 7yo and she cannot sleep independently and will sob for hours at sleepovers with her grandparents.
I believe the method doesn't matter, but children benefit from being taught good sleep habits just like they benefit from being taught good food or hygiene habits
@testking I’m the same. My niece and nephew were coddled to sleep from a very young age. My SIL even slept in a queen bed in a spare room with my nephew so he would sleep - neither of them in their own beds. Both kids are school-age now and still struggle with good sleep habits.
We sleep trained and night weaned at 8 months and my 3.5 year old has slept like a dream ever since. In the nearly 3 years since then, we’ve only had to go in her room after saying goodnight when she’s sick, or had her pull-up leak.
We sleep trained and night weaned at 8 months and my 3.5 year old has slept like a dream ever since. In the nearly 3 years since then, we’ve only had to go in her room after saying goodnight when she’s sick, or had her pull-up leak.
@ebveloz If my life is an indication, they don't have good sleep patterns. I would struggle to sleep all night as a kid. I would toss and turn and lay awake at night. I still do. I strongly suspect my 5 year old has a similar natural sleep pattern but we did also train her when she was almost two because the kid never willingly slept before that. I am but one piece of anecdotal data.
@missy1221 Just to add another piece of anecdotal data: I was never sleep trained either but I am an amazing sleeper. Falling asleep on the couch watching tv if it’s anything past 7pm hahah. (Or that’s how I was before having a kid messed up my sleep hahah.)
Edit: typos and a word
Edit: typos and a word
@missy1221 Oh, right! Sorry. I have no idea how I slept as a baby, except that my mom said that she was ”going crazy but didn’t have the heart to sleep train”. So probably not a super good sleeper.
thickandthin
New member
@missy1221 This is my personal experience as well. I remember always walking during the night as a child and still always wake during the night as an adult. TBF, as a 7-9 year old, I used to wake and call my parents every night, so I can imagine them considering "sleep training" then! (All joking aside, I was very anxious, and anything involving leaving me to cope on my own would have been deeply traumatic.)
@thickandthin Sleepovers were the worst. Just laying there awake most of the night. Then getting up at like 6am and hanging with my friend's mom while she had coffee.
@missy1221 During sleepovers my friends would fall asleep before the movie ended and I’d just be there in the dark with the glow of the screen after the dvd ended for hours, too afraid to get up 
@ebveloz It will very much depend on the child but eventually kids stop needing their parents to sleep. My nephew who is just about 18 was never sleep trained and would occasionally sleep with his parents until 12. My daughter is 3.5 and still having issues but we think she s having allergies so we hope that once she is on the right medication she will sleep through the night.
@ebveloz Anecdotal: kid is now 2,5 years old. She is not sleeping through the night yet and comes to our bed at night anywhere between 23:00 and 04:00. There she sleeps pretty well and wakingings are only happening if she is sick.
We coslept from birth and never sleep trained. When she was 1,5 we put her to sleep in her own room in her own bed. She needs a parent lying next to her to fall asleep though.
For us it is the best way to maximize sleep for everyone,since she was always a crappy sleeper. I remember the 4 month sleep regression as a burtal 8 weeks of hourly wakings and not much improvement afterwards. Not fun.
I am praying that the second one will be better in regards to sleep.
We coslept from birth and never sleep trained. When she was 1,5 we put her to sleep in her own room in her own bed. She needs a parent lying next to her to fall asleep though.
For us it is the best way to maximize sleep for everyone,since she was always a crappy sleeper. I remember the 4 month sleep regression as a burtal 8 weeks of hourly wakings and not much improvement afterwards. Not fun.
I am praying that the second one will be better in regards to sleep.
@ebveloz My EBA 14m who has never been sleep trained and was a “horrible” sleeper just started sleeping through the night 8pm-7am no feeds! I think sleep is so particular to every child. My Attached Motherhood has some great resources that aren’t sleep training per se, but set a better standard as to what “normal” infant sleep really looks like.