What happens to poor sleepers who aren’t sleep trained?

[emissarygtrist]

@euthymios She sounds like a great sleeper, but you're only 4 months in.

 

[feelinglostagain]

@emissarygtrist Right!! And some babies are just good And everyone else on here says oh my kid is sleeping well we didn't sleep train....but we co sleep. My friends do that either 5 year old, 7 , and a 2.5 year old. That's three separate couples. I said I would never and 9 months in we haven't and won't. Sleeping is a valuable skill he will have his whole life. Sleep training does not equal extinction cry it out!

 

[cherivee]

@emissarygtrist That made me chuckle. She has all the answers but her kid is only 4 months old.

Let us know how things are going in 2+ years.

 

[feelinglostagain]

@euthymios I think that is great when working out but I think this post means more with the kids that start waking every sleep cycle like 45min to 1.5 hours. Right after four months our kid started waking 6+ times a night. So I'm curious also with the kids that wake 4+ times a night consistently for months what ppl do.

 

[dead2self]

@euthymios This comes across as very condescending. Also your 4 month old sleeps great so of course you wouldn't consider her a "bad" sleeper.

 

[cherivee]

@euthymios At 4 months basically everyone is still doing that. It gets way trickier as they get older.

 

[testking]

@euthymios A lot charges after 4 months. I'd be cuttings how your baby does after being weaned

 

[euthymios]

@testking Like I say, my comment is purely anecdotal based on my baby at this current life stage, you get what you pay for with free advice.

 

[myseason]

@ebveloz I was strongly sleep trained and it took me a very long time to get used to sleeping with others. My daughter is 2.5 now and we didn’t sleep train and we bedshare. She started sleeping thru around 2 years old.

 

[coas93]

@ebveloz I have coslept with my first until 18m - now 20m. Honestly his sleep is very dependent on his development, health etc. There are times he goes to sleep on his own and sleeps through. Others Dad ends up on the king single mattress we gave next to the toddler bed cuddling most of the night.

Anecdotally my SiL sleep trained both of hers, after attending a sleep clinic with her first. Once they hit toddlerhood and ended up in a toddler bed, She also needed a mattress in their rooms until school age to reliably get them to sleep.

When they were younger she was up more doing sleep routines to resettle etc, while I've always just fed cuddled and all go back to sleep.

 

[brokendaily]

@ebveloz I still nurse my almost-2.5yo to sleep most nights. Remainder of the time she cuddles to sleep with dad or falls asleep on drives. She sleeps through the night 90% of the time. The remaining 10% is usually due to some obvious physical issue like being sick, room temperature being too hot or cold, a loud noise from the neighbours, etc. If it’s not illness, then solving the physical problem and giving her some backrubs helps her to go back to sleep. When sick she needs more TLC for a night or rarely two, but then is back to sleeping through (even while still sick).

We never sleep trained because even though we wanted to since about 5mo, we couldn’t quite agree on the best method or on whether to hire a sleep consultant (due to cost). Then at 7mo kiddo suddenly discovered belly sleeping and consistently doing 6h stretches, so we decided to wait and see. There were a lot of “regressions”, split nights, illness, teething, etc but we could see her sleep getting better every month, so we just kept trying to create good routines and hoping for the best. By 16mo kiddo was probably sleeping through the night (~10h continuously) 50% of the time, and the other 50% with anywhere from 1-3 wakeups. But just before 2yo she started consistently sleeping through unless disrupted by something external, like I described above. Even changing to a toddler bed and now to a full size bed didn’t disrupt the sleeping through. We just sometimes find her in a random spot on the floor but she never woke us up. And this is with me still nursing to sleep.

So I guess the short answer is - some babies/toddlers grow out of it on their own! Not guaranteed though.

 

[dancegavindance]

@ebveloz I was the poor sleeper.

Woke every ninety minutes at minimum until I was like four. The only way I fell asleep was through nursing until I was seven. Slept in my parents bed every night until I was ten.

I sleep pretty okay now. I wake pretty regularly still, maybe every couple hours, but thats probably due to my daughter rather than me not sleeping through. I don't really care to be honest. I believe that sleeping with my parents and having them soothe me when needed is what gave me the tools and the ability to learn to soothe myself.

I started going back to sleep without their help at about eight and naturally transitioned out of needing them close.

My girlfriend and I are following the same parenting method with our own kids.

 

[pak]

@ebveloz More anecdotal evidence! My toddler is 2. He was nursed to sleep until he didn't want to be, and we still snuggle and sing him to sleep for all naps and night sleep. He's consistently slept through the night since 14 or 15 months. He's always preferred his own bed. He was in a co sleeper crib until 5 months, then in his own room as none of us slept well that way, and his sleep improved so much in his own room. I wasn't ready, but he was. A month or two ago he had a phase where he insisted on falling asleep by himself in his bed. It was rough going for a bit but then he mastered it. We were still in the room with him but he fell asleep independently. Then the phase passed and he wanted to go back to snuggling to sleep in the armchair. It seems he takes strides when he's ready. We'll happily wait it out and help as long as he'd like to get to sleep. I have massive issues going to sleep to and always have. Staying asleep is not a problem, and we didn't need any training for that. He just figured it out one day.

 

[stefanwals]

@ebveloz Anecdotes, obviously.

I don't sleep train any of my children and we co-sleep. I wait until they are ready and put no pressure on making them sleep in their own bed. The first one I breastfed for comfort and at bedtime until almost 3 years old. No regrets because it took him seconds to fall asleep if we're together. The second one self-weaned at 1. He transitioned into his own bed at 3. Now they prefer to sleep in a king-sized sibling bed together. I lay down to read and listen to music before bed with them most nights but if I'm busy they are able to put themselves to sleep. They both have good sleep hygiene and sleep well throughout the night. My youngest one just turned 1 and I nurse him to sleep and will comfort feed a few times overnight. He is an extremely sensitive baby and a poor sleeper so there is no end in sight for me but I'm sure he will get there. I have a lot of respect for families that successfully sleep train and honestly a bit envious of their sleep! My husband and I hope that by letting them set the pace, we help the children feel comfortable and secure at home. I personally can't stand hearing them cry so even if I wanted to sleep train, I probably would have failed!

According to my family, I was a very light sleeper and still have lower sleep needs than most people. After reading the sleep book by Matthew Walker, prioritising sleep is one of my goals this year which means that my husband takes on more bedtime routine with baby with bottle feeding.

 

[ebveloz]

@stefanwals My partner loves Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. I haven't read it yet but it's on my list. Thanks for sharing your experience!

 

[xic]

@ebveloz My kid slept horribly, didn’t respond to sleep training so we gave up. From 7-9 months she was often up every 30 minutes. Then at 10 months she slept through the night and that was that. So that was my experience with what happens.

My other kid we sleep trained and she slept through at 6 months and then that was that. So, not terribly different of a result in the end.

 

[nomarga]

@xic Currently have a 9 month old who will not sleep unless I’m wearing him or sleeping next to him. Your story gives me hope that a full night of sleep could be just around the corner.

 

[xic]

@nomarga I hope your night of sleep comes soon.

 

[nomarga]

@xic Me too thank you!! I’m telling myself it’s just a phase and to soak up the snuggles while I can.

 

[liannakeller]

@ebveloz I havent done any type of sleep training at all. My baby is almost 6 months and pretty much puts herself to sleep at night. Sometimes she needs to play with my hand for a few minutes to fall asleep, but never for more than about 10 minutes. She wakes up once around 3 am to eat and then goes back to sleep on her own. Babies will eventually learn to sleep on their own. They just need us for comfort right now. They're new here and everything is big and scary to them