@mercuryash For me, it’s the fear something will happen to my son. Which I think is a very deep and common fear for every parent. But I believe it’s exacerbated for only parents because we know that this loss would take away our status as a parent in this lifetime. Never to be regained. No child can be replaced, but that complete void… I don’t know how I would ever get past it.
What’s your worst part of being a one and done parent?
- Thread starter mercuryash
- Start date
@born94 This is a huge anxiety of mine too and I’ve been seeing a therapist. This probably sounds awful, but I’m somewhat comforted by the fact that if something happened to my son, I could just fall apart and become a shell of a person. I know I’d never get past the loss of my son, but at least I wouldn’t need to even pretend to try. I wouldn’t have to get up in the morning. I cannot imagine having to grieve a child while also staying strong for my other children and helping them cope with their own grief.
@kyfisher1 I feel the same way. At least I’d be able to drop off the face of the earth and wouldn’t be letting a second child down.
mercuryash
New member
@born94 This one is big for me because one of my best friends had a son 1 month younger than my daughter I say had because he passed away from SIDS at 3 months old. I'm in therapy but I've spent the last 4 years panicking over minor things and making sure she's breathing even though SIDS isn't a concern anymore
@jakebroom Same thing happened to me. My friend and I both had babies in the NICU at the same time. They both came home around the same time. Her daughter died at home a week later. It took me a long time to get past the “that could have been my child” feelings. He’s 12 now and I still think about my friends daughter and what she’d be doing now if she survived.
@jakebroom Same here. My uncles ex wife had a baby pass away a few months before my son was born and it was terrifying.
@jakebroom May I ask where the baby was when it passed? Crib, co sleeping?
@nicaea_1q She co-slept.
@jakebroom I just read a post of a father who lost a son the same way in the grief support sub. It’s so heartbreaking, and indeed the biggest anxiety for me as a mom. I hope your friend is managing somehow. And you too.
dennis33710
New member
thenextsteps
New member
@born94 I'm an only and we planned on having one pretty much from the beginning.
My mom said "don't be surprised if, after she's born, you think 'i need to have another one because if anything happens to this one it will literally kill me"'
No shade on my mom at all, she was right. She also told me she had no regrets about having only one, even though she tried for a second for a while.
My mom said "don't be surprised if, after she's born, you think 'i need to have another one because if anything happens to this one it will literally kill me"'
No shade on my mom at all, she was right. She also told me she had no regrets about having only one, even though she tried for a second for a while.
teachermomto3
New member
juniorcanada
New member
@teachermomto3 I have a feeling we'd sublimate our grief into career changes that care for the next generation.
@born94 Last night my son developed croup. He wheezes and his voice is so faint and hoarse. And the thoughts crept back... Is this so bad I could lose him? This is just a more lung intense cold, right? I shouldn't panic and take him to the hospital, but what if that's the wrong call? If he dies from my neglect, I could never forgive myself and move on........... etc etc........ yeah, I've always had anxiety. It's part of why I'm OAD, but it also feeds into the anxiety because I'm OAD. Screwed if you do, screwed if you don't.
good2bbrad
New member
@mercuryash You are not alone!!!!!!!! I feel the EXACT same way about my fall kindergartener. He’s in preschool the 3 days a week I work, and we have play dates every couple weeks, but the hours on days together draaaaaag on some days.
Some recommendations:
Turn on music you both enjoy. It keeps the pep in my step and leads to spontaneous dance parties (much for fun for me than make believe).
Encourage cooperative play- legos, magna-tiles, ball runs, crafts etc. Again more fun for me than make believe
I also give time limits when I’m feeling overstimulated. “I will X for minutes and then I need to Y (dishes, cook, go outside etc)” and set a timer.
Try to enjoy every day….but you don’t have to enjoy it allllllll day every day.
Some recommendations:
Turn on music you both enjoy. It keeps the pep in my step and leads to spontaneous dance parties (much for fun for me than make believe).
Encourage cooperative play- legos, magna-tiles, ball runs, crafts etc. Again more fun for me than make believe
I also give time limits when I’m feeling overstimulated. “I will X for minutes and then I need to Y (dishes, cook, go outside etc)” and set a timer.
Try to enjoy every day….but you don’t have to enjoy it allllllll day every day.
mercuryash
New member
@good2bbrad Those are all great suggestions, thank you so much. I will have to try them out this week. I know I’m going to hate myself for feeling this way when she’s older but right now, I’m really struggling. I swear if I hear mommy!!! One more time I’m going to the looney bin.
good2bbrad
New member
@mercuryash Girl, I 100% feeeeel you. I have guilt about the future guilt I haven’t even had yet….and yet still want to snap at the “moooomy” alllllll day long. It’s such an emotional roller coaster! Also involve her in chores, you can be productive, and she gets the benefit of doing things with you.