Q+A Part 2: WTT

[bernard222]

The amount of comments yesterday was amazing! I hope you all enjoy these as much as I do!

Today it's all about the dreaded wait that brought us all here.

1. Why are you waiting?
2. How long have you been waiting?
3. When will you start trying?
4. How does your SO feel about waiting and trying?
5. What are your top 3 goals you'd like to accomplish before TTC?
6. Any trips/vacations you'd like to take before TTC?
7. Does anyone in your personal life know about your wait/TTC timeline?
8. What are your hopes and fears about waiting?
9. What are your hopes and fears about TTC?
10. Should we continue these questionnaires?

Thanks to /@witness1 for the continuous help!

 

[britebore]

@bernard222

1. We're waiting because of my husband. There's a few other little reasons but basically my husband says he isn't ready. He wants more "us time."
2. I guess we've been waiting... since we got engaged? That's about the time my baby crazy started.
3. Winter 2019! If I had my way we would start fall/winter 2018.
4. He feels like we absolutely need to wait. The last few years have been stressful and hectic and so he wants the next two years to be relaxing. He wants to travel and spend a bunch of time with friends. These things aren't near as important with me so this wait is much harder for me.
5. We'd like to:
   A. Travel
   B. Pay down our little bit of debt
   C. Personally I'd make to make some headway with my writing.
6. Yes! We are planning on going to Japan, Disney World, and take a tour of Europe.
7. I'm not a hugely social person but I tell pretty much everything to the people I'm super close to. The list includes my two best friends, my mom, and my mom's best friend.
8. I hope that I learn to enjoy it. I hope that my husband finds this time fulfilling. I'm afraid that my granny is going to die or get a lot worse before we have kids and that I'll never get over it. I'm also afraid that I'm going to continue to be miserable until we start trying.
9. I hope that when the time comes my husband is really excited. I'm afraid that our fertility is completely fucked. Hopefully I'll have a better idea of where our fertility stands in a few months and a few doctors appointments.
10. YES! I'm loving them!

 

[lindalee1456]

@britebore I feel you on the Grandma thing too My husband's grandparents are in their 90s, and recently his grandma is in and out of the hospital. I at least want to be able to tell her we're pregnant before she passes. It's a part of life, but doesn't make it any less sad!

 

[britebore]

@lindalee1456 I'm so sorry to hear about her being in and out of the hospital. That sucks so much!

It's part of life, but it doesn't make it any less sad!

Yes! It just sucks so fucking much because of it were up to me I would move up the timeline by at least a year or more. She would be able to see them unless something absolute awful happened. But it's my husband I'm waiting for. I'm trying not to resent him or the situation but I'm like "good god she isn't getting any younger, please hurry up."

 

[dorsettmm]

@britebore We just got back from Disney, it was our big trip to do before trying. It was so great, you'll have an amazing time!

 

[andraus]

@dorsettmm I'm thinking of going to Disney for my 30th birthday next May! Did you stay on site?

 

[duanewinklerjr]

@andraus DO IT. We're going in 2 months. Went for our honeymoon. If I could convince my budget to magically increase, we would be going on a 3 day Disney cruise that leaves on my 30th birthday (something neither of us have done)

 

[andraus]

@duanewinklerjr I've never been but I have wanted to go since I was a kid. Only problem is I want my mom and nephew to come with us but my mom has work and my nephew has school. I'm thinking of staying at the Port Orleans hotel in one of the royal guest rooms.

 

[duanewinklerjr]

@andraus Not gonna lie, all I can think of when you say what resort you want to stay in is $$$$$$$. We stayed at Port Orleans French Quarter (standard room) for our honeymoon and it was... hmm. Almost double what we're paying for this trip. Roughly.

 

[andraus]

@duanewinklerjr Yeah, it is pretty expensive but because it's my first time going I want to make it special. I did look up a price and to stay there for a week with park hopper option but no dining plan or transportation is like 4k for 3 adults and 1child. I'm waiting until November to actually book anything because we'll be finding out how much stock dividends my boyfriend will be getting then and that will determine a lot of things including how extravagant that vacation will be.

Do you have a recommendation on where to stay? I'm all ears!

 

[duanewinklerjr]

@andraus Fair enough. Keep in mind you might not be spending a lot of time in your room(s). We loved staying in Port Orleans French Quarter. Nice rooms, but we're open to close in the parks people so we didn't need to go nuts. We're staying at Pop Century our next trip, and I'm excited about it. My goal is to spend one night in the Bay Towers at the Contemporary Resort, but that's like $500/night , so that's a way down the road dream.

180 days prior to your trip you can make dining reservations. If you want to eat at say, Be Our Guest or Cinderellas Royal Table, you need to make a reservation basically as soon as you're able.

 

[andraus]

@duanewinklerjr I do expect us to spend a little more time in the room. My boyfriend cannot do the all day event thing with his heart condition. He gets fatigued and cranky and will want a nap after a few hours.

Thanks for all the advice, I appreciate it.

 

[duanewinklerjr]

@andraus Then it's definitely worth the extra $$! Take advantage of the pools too, they're always excellent.

 

[dorsettmm]

@andraus We didn't, a relative has a timeshare that allowed us to stay in a non-Disney hotel but still on property for free, so we took advantage of that haha. But we visited a bunch of Disney hotels, they all looked amazing!

 

[britebore]

@dorsettmm Oh how fun! I love Disney! It's where I went a lot as a kid. My husband has never stayed in site so I'm really looking forward to going with him.

 

[jesusismyking2023]

@britebore I feel like your answers to 1 and 4 are basically identical to mine! My partner wants things to just be "relaxing" and have "us time" for a while. From my point of view... what were the last four and a half years, but "us time"?! (I do have to agree with him that the last two years have been stressful and hectic in our lives too, though.)

 

[britebore]

@jesusismyking2023 It's maddening isn't it? Part of me feels like there's no harm done and the other part of me feels like I'm going insane.

what were the last four and a half years, but "us time"?!

THIS! Hasn't everything that's happened since we started dating been "us time?" Sometimes I swear he's going backwards. Right now he's really into hanging out with his friends and playing card games. Which is fine and all but like, you've been doing that for about a decade. It's not some new thing you just started. Is it really worth putting out life on hold for? Especially when I'm sooooo ready to get this show on the road/lack the outlet of stuff I can't do once we have kids?

I do get that it's been stressful but dear lord! I would think one more year would suffice not two! And that two was originally three plus, I had to explain that I felt complete hopelessness when I thought of three plus years without trying.

Here's to hoping we don't lose our minds or strangle our SOs during the wait

 

[jesusismyking2023]

@britebore

Here's to hoping we don't lose our minds or strangle our SOs during the wait

Hahaha. Amen to that!

Sometimes I wonder if I'm caught in a readiness loop? Like, every time we delay starting to try, I give myself another pre-conception "project" to work on, to keep myself busy and feel like I'm making progress. But then once the project is completed, I feel MORE ready and he's still in the same place - hanging out with his friends and playing board games! (I mean, I love me some board games too...) I wonder if he'd be more ready if I could get HIM to take on a project or two?

 

[britebore]

@jesusismyking2023 He might! It sounds like a good plan to me!

I feel like we have a teensy bit of the opposite problem? We just got through buying a house and my husband pretty much did all the work for it. (My name isn't on the loan since I don't make money so I couldn't help much besides finding houses to go look at.) He was also my rock when my mom had cancer and his mom decided to go fucking crazy (Think hardcore r/justnomil) So I get that he's had to do a lot of adulting.

I'm hoping that I can chip away at things and that will make him feel better. Get a few doctors visits a checked off, pay down off the credit card from our wedding, get our portion of the new house (we split it with my family) fully furnished, etc. These are mostly things I can managed and work on without too much help from him. I'm hoping that as we continue to check things off of the list he'll feel more and more ready. Plus he'll have had his "me/us time" and maybe feel ready for the next step.

 

[marjmorris]

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