My intuition told me a man was a pervert. He was sentenced to 10 years for child porn

[carolyng]

I knew a man from our church & social circle. He was treated normally and was not an outcast type. We live in a relatively small town that is geographically isolated, so you run into acquaintances a lot.

This part occurred about 4 years ago. We are at the pool and run into each other. I say hello, blah, blah, blah. I change my son, age 4-5, in the pool locker room. Of course he is naked. This man leers at my naked son from 10’ away. I knew. I f$caking knew. Get my son dressed & out of there as fast as possible. I go home and tell my wife, “Our children can’t be near him. Stay away.” He was good friends with another couple that had very young children (about 4 & 6) at the time. I call the Mom and say “Don’t let your children around him”. She laughs me off and says “He is harmless.”

Yesterday I open the paper. Page 2 is the guys picture. “Sentenced to 10 years for child pornography.”

What did I learn?
The guy is 61 and single. Yet he was always volunteering at church for kid stuff, and I’m talking young kids like pre-k.

I talked to friends and learned he spent a lot of time at the pool. Know we know why.
He worked at a pre school. He taught skiing to kids 4-6. He did everything he could to be around kids.

Trust your gut. Next time I’m calling the cops and telling everyone I know. My friends didn’t see the signs I saw, and i was left thinking it was me. It doesn’t matter what someone else thinks about the person.

Edit to add the sentencing story: https://www.jhnewsandguide.com/news...cle_d0ed91f6-51ae-11ee-b841-3fd46c136810.html

 

[heyheyheynoname]

@carolyng People need to do what is necessary to keep their kids safe. I’m glad you kept your son away from him.

But goodness do I hate that any man who volunteers to be around kids is automatically looked at suspiciously. As dads we should be fighting against that stereotype. I like kids. My job would likely allow me to retire relatively early. I’ve always thought coaching or volunteering with kids would be a good way to give back, but honestly I think too many people would assume there’s something wrong with me. It’s really sad.

 

[tommyb1]

@heyheyheynoname As a teacher, it’s tough. Children are a vulnerable population and those that prey on the vulnerable will find legitimate and seemingly altruistic ways to be close to the vulnerable. There’s no test where we can vet out predators in one fell swoop so it takes vigilance that never lets up to weed these people out. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work and too often we find out who the predators are after it’s too late.

This goes for so much. Child predators often will volunteer to work with kids or try to go into teaching, but both of those roles are necessary for our society and the vast majority of those in those fields are not predators. People who have a predilection for violence or are unstable in that way, or carry disdain for already marginalized communities like to join the police force where they can act out in violence with limited recourse, but law enforcement is a necessary thing and the vast majority of cops are just doing their job.

 

[bnt2000]

@heyheyheynoname Its the fact that everything this man did revolved around being around little kids. Not cause he had a couple of things with kids. Also the leering was the real reason those things became a red flag

 

[carolyng]

@heyheyheynoname Great point, and I am one of those volunteers. Data I left out, he had NO friends his demographic. Every time I saw him was around children and his friends were all young families.

Unfortunately sometimes stereotypes are true though.

 

[jcgroupie]

@carolyng They are a stereotype for a reason - sadly...

 

[sethcottee]

@heyheyheynoname It’s just one data point.

 

[theunknownperson1997]

@carolyng It’s important we don’t accuse folks based on hunches and feelings. Even more important we are not trying to
have folks arrested without any real evidence.

That said this is daddit, and I do believe parental intuition is a real thing. Plus OP witnesses said dude “leer” at this son. I’m glad he was able to see the signs sooner than the rest. Even if OP was incorrect or he was never arrested I respect he did not want his LOs around him after that isolated interaction. As a father I would have done the same.

 

[maybug32]

@theunknownperson1997 Well said

 

[middlemonster]

@carolyng I recently signed up to be a volunteer at my child’s school. As part of the process, we had to go thru extensive training on how to spot abuse, predators, etc. This is one of the scenarios VERBATIM — adult men (or women) who have no reason to but always “end up” around kids/kid events. And often times they’ll ingratiate themselves with organizers/authority figures by being so helpful that no one wants to call suspicious behavior into question. And because kids see them as well-liked by other adults, kids are more fearful and less likely to report any bad behavior. Truly despicable people.

Good on you OP for trusting your instincts, protecting your kids, and warning others.

 

[carolyng]

@middlemonster You said it better than me, that’s exactly what this guy was doing. It was more than coaching. He was just everywhere.

I took the scouts training and didn’t take it very seriously I think I need to go do it again.

 

[ijustwanthim]

@carolyng What are the cops going to do without evidence?

 

[jacques8989]

@ijustwanthim This is the issue right here. This isn’t Minority Report. Unfortunately, somebody has to be victimized to some extent.

One thing I think about is how my gym has a family changing room. A person without a kid would stand out pretty easily, but what happens next? Confront them? The gym won’t do it. A simple lie gets them out of questioning by police.

I don’t have the answer besides being aware of your surroundings. I wish I had answer to this.