My intuition told me a man was a pervert. He was sentenced to 10 years for child porn

[carolyng]

I knew a man from our church & social circle. He was treated normally and was not an outcast type. We live in a relatively small town that is geographically isolated, so you run into acquaintances a lot.

This part occurred about 4 years ago. We are at the pool and run into each other. I say hello, blah, blah, blah. I change my son, age 4-5, in the pool locker room. Of course he is naked. This man leers at my naked son from 10’ away. I knew. I f$caking knew. Get my son dressed & out of there as fast as possible. I go home and tell my wife, “Our children can’t be near him. Stay away.” He was good friends with another couple that had very young children (about 4 & 6) at the time. I call the Mom and say “Don’t let your children around him”. She laughs me off and says “He is harmless.”

Yesterday I open the paper. Page 2 is the guys picture. “Sentenced to 10 years for child pornography.”

What did I learn?
The guy is 61 and single. Yet he was always volunteering at church for kid stuff, and I’m talking young kids like pre-k.

I talked to friends and learned he spent a lot of time at the pool. Know we know why.
He worked at a pre school. He taught skiing to kids 4-6. He did everything he could to be around kids.

Trust your gut. Next time I’m calling the cops and telling everyone I know. My friends didn’t see the signs I saw, and i was left thinking it was me. It doesn’t matter what someone else thinks about the person.

Edit to add the sentencing story: https://www.jhnewsandguide.com/news...cle_d0ed91f6-51ae-11ee-b841-3fd46c136810.html

 

[heyheyheynoname]

@carolyng People need to do what is necessary to keep their kids safe. I’m glad you kept your son away from him.

But goodness do I hate that any man who volunteers to be around kids is automatically looked at suspiciously. As dads we should be fighting against that stereotype. I like kids. My job would likely allow me to retire relatively early. I’ve always thought coaching or volunteering with kids would be a good way to give back, but honestly I think too many people would assume there’s something wrong with me. It’s really sad.

 

[tommyb1]

@heyheyheynoname As a teacher, it’s tough. Children are a vulnerable population and those that prey on the vulnerable will find legitimate and seemingly altruistic ways to be close to the vulnerable. There’s no test where we can vet out predators in one fell swoop so it takes vigilance that never lets up to weed these people out. Unfortunately it doesn’t always work and too often we find out who the predators are after it’s too late.

This goes for so much. Child predators often will volunteer to work with kids or try to go into teaching, but both of those roles are necessary for our society and the vast majority of those in those fields are not predators. People who have a predilection for violence or are unstable in that way, or carry disdain for already marginalized communities like to join the police force where they can act out in violence with limited recourse, but law enforcement is a necessary thing and the vast majority of cops are just doing their job.

 

[bnt2000]

@heyheyheynoname Its the fact that everything this man did revolved around being around little kids. Not cause he had a couple of things with kids. Also the leering was the real reason those things became a red flag

 

[carolyng]

@heyheyheynoname Great point, and I am one of those volunteers. Data I left out, he had NO friends his demographic. Every time I saw him was around children and his friends were all young families.

Unfortunately sometimes stereotypes are true though.

 

[jcgroupie]

@carolyng They are a stereotype for a reason - sadly...

 

[sethcottee]

@heyheyheynoname It’s just one data point.

 

[theunknownperson1997]

@carolyng It’s important we don’t accuse folks based on hunches and feelings. Even more important we are not trying to
have folks arrested without any real evidence.

That said this is daddit, and I do believe parental intuition is a real thing. Plus OP witnesses said dude “leer” at this son. I’m glad he was able to see the signs sooner than the rest. Even if OP was incorrect or he was never arrested I respect he did not want his LOs around him after that isolated interaction. As a father I would have done the same.

 

[maybug32]

@theunknownperson1997 Well said

 

[middlemonster]

@carolyng I recently signed up to be a volunteer at my child’s school. As part of the process, we had to go thru extensive training on how to spot abuse, predators, etc. This is one of the scenarios VERBATIM — adult men (or women) who have no reason to but always “end up” around kids/kid events. And often times they’ll ingratiate themselves with organizers/authority figures by being so helpful that no one wants to call suspicious behavior into question. And because kids see them as well-liked by other adults, kids are more fearful and less likely to report any bad behavior. Truly despicable people.

Good on you OP for trusting your instincts, protecting your kids, and warning others.

 

[carolyng]

@middlemonster You said it better than me, that’s exactly what this guy was doing. It was more than coaching. He was just everywhere.

I took the scouts training and didn’t take it very seriously I think I need to go do it again.

 

[ijustwanthim]

@carolyng What are the cops going to do without evidence?

 

[jacques8989]

@ijustwanthim This is the issue right here. This isn’t Minority Report. Unfortunately, somebody has to be victimized to some extent.

One thing I think about is how my gym has a family changing room. A person without a kid would stand out pretty easily, but what happens next? Confront them? The gym won’t do it. A simple lie gets them out of questioning by police.

I don’t have the answer besides being aware of your surroundings. I wish I had answer to this.

 

[jesusiscoming01]

@ijustwanthim Take a report and start building a paper trail.

 

[pencillead]

@jesusiscoming01 If police where you live actually do proactive work, much less with the input of the community, you definitely don't live where I live.

 

[jesusiscoming01]

@pencillead It sounds like you have a defeatist attitude. Why would you just say “our police won’t do anything” without trying each and every time. If the officer won’t give you the time of day, call the supervisor, send an email to the sex crimes detectives, contact your mayor or city council. These are children we are talking about, giving up because one cop was a lazy POS is putting other children in danger.

 

[ticketbroker]

@pencillead Cops where I live do.

 

[nataliere81]

@carolyng I don’t condone assuming someone is a criminal based on a hunch or pegging people as being dangerous to kids just because they spend time with them. There are male adults who devote their lives to helping children

Having said that, if you personally don’t feel comfortable around someone or around your kids, absolutely trust your gut and stay away. If you think the person is a danger, contact professionals and handle discreetly until you have actual proof. There are groups dedicated to stopping people dangerous to children, and they have the skills and knowledge of how to handle things like this.

If you don’t want to do that, that’s ok, for sure do what OP did and tell friends like OP did that you think there’s a problem. It’s a tricky line between protecting others and destroying an innocent persons life. I wish we could rely on police for this, but we all know cops are mostly shoot first, ask questions later.

 

[jaharris]

@carolyng Don’t get me wrong - a paedophile taken off the streets is great, but “intuition” normally leads to mob justice.

If anyone doesn’t understand the risks of that, I’m happy to advise.

In summary though, “intuition” leads to innocent people being hurt. Don’t praise it, and don’t say you were wonderful afterwards because of it. As the other guy said - it’s confirmation bias.

The OP has not resorted to drumming up a gang to deal with the criminal, but so so so many stories on here are of that sort - innocent people being harassed - and hurt - because people have used their intuition and gut.

If you ever think there is a problem like this, speak to the police.