@irisnicole8405 I'm a grandma and we watch our gran daughter often, including if our daughter and son in law are working or are further away. My granddaughter's doctor has it on their records that I can get medical care and be the person in charge of her medical care with no restrictions. But my daughter and son in law have no reason to worry about us seeking care without their consent and knowledge (and we never have). The other grandmother also has this privilege.
My granddaughter was a preemie and also at the low end of the scale (but doing amazing). I feel better knowing that I could take care of my granddaughter in an emergency. Especially that I could authorize pain meds if necessary which would likely not be given as part of stabilizing her. It would kill me to stand by helpless in an emergency situation. In an emergency, I will make the decisions in her best interests, not a doctor or emt. Will it ever matter? I hope not. But I'm glad that I have it. My first call would always be to 911 and my second would be to her parents.
But I am also free to give my granddaughter Tylenol if I think it is warranted without asking first. Of course, I always mention it at pick up or text my daughter/son in law about it so they know but I don't have to ask first. Honestly, I would feel belittled if I had to ask first. (In reverse, I am always told if she has had Tylenol in the last 24 hours before we take her so there is no chance of inappropriate dosing)
Do you feel like your mother in law has your daughter's best interests at heart? Is she just genuinely worried about her? If so, could you put those fears to rest by bringing grandma to the next well visit?
I wouldn't give her medical authorization if you don't feel good about it of course but if you are leaving your child with her regularly, you must trust her? If she isn't telling you about medications given, that is not ok, obviously and has to change.
It sounds like there is some mistrust on both sides. (Not saying this is your fault in any way) If she is going to continue to watch your little one, it sounds like a kind conversation is warranted. She might be guarded at first but if approached as a valued family member, and someone who you are grateful for because she helps you, and loves your daughter, you might be able to get at what she is worried about and figure out a way together to put aside those fears.
No, I wouldn't give her the medical authorization at this point until you are confident about it. You are the mom. Following your instincts is one of the best tools a mom has to keep your child safe.
There are so many parents in this forum who have no one to count on, grandparents who are abusers, etc. You have a grandparent willing to care for your child several days a week and who worries about her. That is a gift. It sounds like the relationship needs some tending to maybe.
Now I'm going to say something that I might get lambasted for.....my opinion is that you should not leave it only to your husband to deal with this. Your relationship with her is important too in the trust building process. Again, not to say that you have done anything wrong at all but if grandma asked your husband for the authorization, and not you, she might not feel that comfortable with you. If she isn't telling you about a simple dose of ibuprofen, she is afraid that you might be critical about it. You probably did nothing at all to make her feel that way but sometimes, we feel what we feel, right? Can you see behind the current situation and build a better relationship with her that is separate from including your husband? This could be as simple as asking her out to lunch once a month and telling her thank you for taking such good care of your baby.
I hope you can take this as an opportunity to fix a family relationship that should be more solid.
