@disguisedlamb As a SAHM, I can understand where your wife’s [misguided] sense of control is coming from. She needs to grasp that just because it is not how she envisioned it, doesn’t make it wrong. Both at work or at home. I have worked for women like this (they never let up and have unrealistic expectations for their teams as well, thinking it makes them look better for everyone to work themselves I to the ground) and all it does is lead to burnout. In general, I’d be her male counterparts don’t overthink it all the way she does, and I’d bet they don’t come home to their partners and make the same criticism about how they parent when sick. Equality does not mean domination.
Is what I am doing when I am sick wrong? My wife seems to think so
- Thread starter disguisedlamb
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@disguisedlamb I guilt myself for this too but having a small kid has made me more iol, more often than ever before. Some days you just have to get through it. Then when it is over I overcompensate with extra time at the playground or children's museum.
fathermayi
New member
@disguisedlamb My whole house is getting over COVID. That means that last week all five of us (parents, 4.5yo, 3yo, and 1yo) were all sick at one point or another. It started with my husband. The day he went down, the tablets came out and the tv went on so I could keep up with what was needed. I knew the rest of us would get sick within 48 hours and I knew I had to prep. My kids all got either tv or tablets every single day for several hours in a row for about five days. Every day. My husband came downstairs after two days to take over so I could rest (by then we'd all caught it) and you know what he did? Let them keep their screens while he caught up on stuff. He didn't judge me or complain or anything. He let them do what was needed so we could rest and keep the house running.
Your wife was being rigid and judgemental in a moment when you needed and deserved kindness and flexibility. I'd be sitting down and discussing this with her when I was calm because you have to be able to care for yourself when you're sick. And she needs to let it go.
Your wife was being rigid and judgemental in a moment when you needed and deserved kindness and flexibility. I'd be sitting down and discussing this with her when I was calm because you have to be able to care for yourself when you're sick. And she needs to let it go.
mamastitch
New member
@disguisedlamb On Boxing Day my oldest (4) came down with D&V at about 7pm. 3hours later number two (2) comes down with it too, then the next morning the baby (6m) gets it. All that night the kids either vomited or watched Bluey on a pile of towels. The next day they were ok so we played a few games and watched home alone 2. The day after me and my husband wake up at 3am and poop and vomit our guys out and for the next two days the Heeler family became our personal babysitters. When you’re sick, there’s nothing to be done. So long as everyone is clean and fed then you’re ok.
oddduck123
New member
@disguisedlamb Like everyone else, I am in agreement that you did what you needed. It's more dangerous to push yourself and possibly cause injury to yourself or your kid because you're weak or disoriented. I am curious whether your wife gave any constructive suggestions for what you might have done instead? It is one thing to express displeasure, but if she said what you did was wrong yet was unable to give any viable alternatives given your situation, I do not think that feedback from her was reasonable.
@disguisedlamb There are days when we have to lower our standards in order to protect our health and sanity. It happens and that’s exactly what any reasonable parent would do in your shoes. I promise, your toddler will be no worse for the wear in having extra screen time. I hope you’re feeling better.
uniquetexasgirl
New member
@disguisedlamb That’s what I do too. I limit screen time (1-2 hours normally) but if I’m sick or we’re traveling then it’s unlimited screen time cause it’s all about survival and getting through the day. You deserve and need time to rest when you’re sick. Though I do recommend trying to turn off the tv a bit and see if they can independently play a bit. But if it’s a disaster then do what you have to do.
@disguisedlamb What else were you supposed to do? She could've stayed home or hired someone. I bet the money I don't have that you guys also don't have the money for that 
So you made the best decision you could with the resources you had.
So you made the best decision you could with the resources you had.
@disguisedlamb We are literally doing this right now. I'm a sahp, just had a baby 2 months ago. My husband is on leave. My daughter brought home a horrendous illness from preschool. My husband and I both feel like we will pass out. My baby spiked a fever and needed to go to the ER. My 2 year old is a whiney snotty mess, and my 4 year old recovered a bit first and is bouncing off the walls, bored but still sick enough to be cranky and miserable.
We are all in a baby proofed room, watching bluey. My husband and I take turns sitting with the kids and laying in our bed. We make sure diapers are changed, and everyone is fed. But my kids fight most healthy foods so some of our meals are just Mac and cheese to keep the peace while we are all exhausted. It's awful and sometimes you just have to do what you need to do to survive. I've had solo days as a sahp, sick at home, that I didn't know how I would make it through. Your kid is loved and cared for and some days everything can't be perfect.
We are all in a baby proofed room, watching bluey. My husband and I take turns sitting with the kids and laying in our bed. We make sure diapers are changed, and everyone is fed. But my kids fight most healthy foods so some of our meals are just Mac and cheese to keep the peace while we are all exhausted. It's awful and sometimes you just have to do what you need to do to survive. I've had solo days as a sahp, sick at home, that I didn't know how I would make it through. Your kid is loved and cared for and some days everything can't be perfect.
@disguisedlamb if she’s so worried she can stay home and take care of him
@disguisedlamb As the SAHP, I’m the one who sets the screen limits anyway. Even if you weren’t that sick, you have the right to make decisions as a parent. Of course if you wanted to let your kid watch shows all day every day that would be something to discuss with your spouse so you could set a reasonable limit together. But you 100% get to make the call on days like today. You’re not in the wrong at all.
@disguisedlamb I remember barely being able to make a PB and J sandwich for my then 2 year old when I was sick…. Tv is a godsend those days.
@disguisedlamb That’s what we do when we are sick! What else can we do??? Other jobs get sick days, we do not, hence screens!!!
@disguisedlamb Nah, in our house screen time exists specifically for situations like this. My daughter watched several hours of tv this morning because I have some nasty bug and just didn’t have the energy.
blacklistedme
New member
@disguisedlamb lol what else are you supposed to do when you don’t feel well?? Sometimes a successful day is one in which nobody dies. Tell your wife, fine—but then she needs to cover your sick day.
irgrad2002
New member
@disguisedlamb Your wife is majorly overreacting.
mrlutrinae
New member
@disguisedlamb If she was a sahp she absolutely would have done the same thing, and the comments would all be calling you an unreasonable jerk. What you did is exactly what every single sahp does.
@disguisedlamb Looking after a child is not the same as working in an office.
If you pass out in an office, other staff will call medical assistance, the work will get done by others.
You are the sole care provider for another human life. They are entirely depending on you to literally survive. If your medical condition is so bad that it’s either let the kid watch a tablet, or you pass out and they could come to serious harm, of course you let the kid watch the bloody tablet!!
What sort of cockaminie anti-screen bullshit has she been swallowing that makes her think her child watching a video is so absolutely damaging to his lifelong development that it’s worse than her partner passing out unconscious (with who knows what damage if you hit the floor) and her toddler being completely unsupervised as you lie on the floor, possibly bleeding from a head wound??!
Is she on drugs?!
If she disagrees with you having to manage your sickness like this out of concern for the child, inform her politely that you’re on sick leave and will not be able to be at your job, to ensure the welfare of the child in your care isn’t compromised. Then let her know she’ll be responsible for either taking a few days off from her job to cover yours, or for hiring a childminder as you’re too sick.
Watch as she back peddles so fast her ass starts beeping.
If you pass out in an office, other staff will call medical assistance, the work will get done by others.
You are the sole care provider for another human life. They are entirely depending on you to literally survive. If your medical condition is so bad that it’s either let the kid watch a tablet, or you pass out and they could come to serious harm, of course you let the kid watch the bloody tablet!!
What sort of cockaminie anti-screen bullshit has she been swallowing that makes her think her child watching a video is so absolutely damaging to his lifelong development that it’s worse than her partner passing out unconscious (with who knows what damage if you hit the floor) and her toddler being completely unsupervised as you lie on the floor, possibly bleeding from a head wound??!
Is she on drugs?!
If she disagrees with you having to manage your sickness like this out of concern for the child, inform her politely that you’re on sick leave and will not be able to be at your job, to ensure the welfare of the child in your care isn’t compromised. Then let her know she’ll be responsible for either taking a few days off from her job to cover yours, or for hiring a childminder as you’re too sick.
Watch as she back peddles so fast her ass starts beeping.
logicdreamer
New member
@disguisedlamb Tell her to call off and watch the kid she doesn’t like it 
It’s an extenuating circumstance not like this is how you parent everyday.
It’s an extenuating circumstance not like this is how you parent everyday.emerald520
New member
@disguisedlamb That’s exactly what I did for like a week straight when I had Covid a few weeks ago. I don’t usually get so sick I can’t push through, but when it happens, you just do the best you can.