@charity78777 Ugh yes this is so annoying. My family is already starting to think about thanksgiving and I told my mom we would be there but would be leaving at around 6 as they live over an hour away and we need to get home for bedtime. So we could do dinner earlier or we could miss dinner, her choice and no biggie either way. She was like “most people just push baby’s bedtime so they can enjoy special events”. I said “I already am pushing bedtime by an hour and considering you aren’t going to be the one driving home with an overtired and overstimulated screaming baby and struggling through putting him down and potential repercussions the following day, I think I’ll stick to this”.
I’m so tired of hearing what other people did/ are doing with their babies
- Thread starter charity78777
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- new parents vent
charity78777
New member
@jac48 I have literally been you this year July 4th weekend when we wanted to take the baby home from the dinner party at 6. And I literally made the same argument. Because I’m the one who will be fighting to get her to bed and up with her during the night and still have to take care of her on even less sleep the next day. When I say these things I feel like they receive it as if I were a bratty teenager. It’s. MY. Baby.
curiousperson
New member
@charity78777 I’ve got a similar issue except the person doing the comparing is mom
@charity78777 Even if your baby could do all of that, if you don’t want to that should settle the matter. You don’t need to have a baby that does well during long trips to feel obliged to make them, as simple as that. “I don’t want to” should be enough of a reason, none of those things are essential to a baby’s development and you are not harming them in any way.
It’s like when I see recent mothers looking all nicely dressed and with lovely make up - could I do that? Yup but I don’t want to.
It’s like when I see recent mothers looking all nicely dressed and with lovely make up - could I do that? Yup but I don’t want to.
vanillaface
New member
@echopark The secret to those new moms who roll up looking cute?
A partner or family member who minds the baby for half an hour while they get ready.
That’s it, that’s the secret to the equation. They’re not better or cuter than any of the rest of us.
I’ve had a few special events & family holidays as a new mom where my partner made a point to watch the baby for a while to give me time to get ready. It felt amazing.
I was able to feel like myself!
He’s always been hands on and helps with baby, he just made a special point to take the baby away from me when we have a special event.
But that’s really the trick.
I have extended family members where she was raising 3 kids as a SAHM and he would habitually rag on her for being late and not being put together for special events.
But he did nothing to assist in getting three kids ready or directing them away from her at any point.
So they have family photos of three picture perfect well-kept children in adorable outfits, with a dad who looks grumpy and a mom who looks tired.
Any man who wants a cute wife can step up or hire a nanny!
Final note: There are ladies who wake up before their baby to put on makeup and get put together, and I applaud them. They’re a different breed. I don’t know how they do it. That’s not me.
A partner or family member who minds the baby for half an hour while they get ready.
That’s it, that’s the secret to the equation. They’re not better or cuter than any of the rest of us.
I’ve had a few special events & family holidays as a new mom where my partner made a point to watch the baby for a while to give me time to get ready. It felt amazing.
I was able to feel like myself!
He’s always been hands on and helps with baby, he just made a special point to take the baby away from me when we have a special event.
But that’s really the trick.
I have extended family members where she was raising 3 kids as a SAHM and he would habitually rag on her for being late and not being put together for special events.
But he did nothing to assist in getting three kids ready or directing them away from her at any point.
So they have family photos of three picture perfect well-kept children in adorable outfits, with a dad who looks grumpy and a mom who looks tired.
Any man who wants a cute wife can step up or hire a nanny!
Final note: There are ladies who wake up before their baby to put on makeup and get put together, and I applaud them. They’re a different breed. I don’t know how they do it. That’s not me.
@vanillaface I agree with you, it’s just having different priorities sometimes and also having the support to be able to do that. Nothing wrong with wanting to wake up earlier to look nicer, far from it, it’s just not everyone will do that. Well I am talking here yet tomorrow I go back to work and will see how I get ready and look presentable for the first time in nearly 6 months lol
charity78777
New member
@echopark Omg that’s another thing lol 
Our baby is so hot-natured like her dad and lived in onesies or just a diaper all summer because it would get so hot in our house. My mom literally bought her socks three times because I never put socks on the baby and mom thinks I should. (But she wears sandals all summer.) And I say kudos to the moms who are able to dress their kids in these adorable complicated outfits all the time. I just can’t lol. I have to choose my battles. I don’t think my kid really cares that she pretty much just wears little Sleepies all day. 
Our baby is so hot-natured like her dad and lived in onesies or just a diaper all summer because it would get so hot in our house. My mom literally bought her socks three times because I never put socks on the baby and mom thinks I should. (But she wears sandals all summer.) And I say kudos to the moms who are able to dress their kids in these adorable complicated outfits all the time. I just can’t lol. I have to choose my battles. I don’t think my kid really cares that she pretty much just wears little Sleepies all day. @charity78777 Lol I tried to dress up my baby in the beginning just to see her getting dirty after 5 minutes with spit, milk and poop, so I gave up. Simple and cheap it is until she can behave like a civilized human being
@charity78777 Mysterious baby X. Enhanced with super drugs that make it better than any other baby.
I just tell people that not all babies develop the same or that I'm careful with my baby.
It will usually make them act like they already knew that or just piss them off.
I just tell people that not all babies develop the same or that I'm careful with my baby.
It will usually make them act like they already knew that or just piss them off.
@charity78777 Saaaame! We are also homebodies with babies that don’t ever sleep lol so the comparisons never stop. We don’t travel with our babies, we don’t have large family parties, we don’t leave them with sitters or grandparents at night, we stay on schedule for naps and sleep, etc etc and people (my in laws) love telling us how everyone else does all of those things and it’s better. Like okay? That’s nice for them. Not for us.
katrina2017
New member
@katrina2017 Thank you for the warning 
@charity78777 We gave in and took our baby on a weekend trip because other babies were "ready"at that age. Don't give in, it was pretty bad. We don't fully regret it, but listen to your instincts about when you and your baby is actually ready instead of using other people's benchmarks.
@charity78777 YOU know what is best for YOUR baby and family! I know how frustrating the comparisons are. My mom and MIL also have a lot of opinions based on their experiences with babies…30 years ago…They seem to have forgotten how hard it can be and/or had easygoing babies. I have preemie twins with reflux and colic. We are barely surviving. And that is okay. You keep chugging along providing the care you know is right 
trustingin
New member
@charity78777 “No” is a complete sentence. So is “I don’t want to do that.” And it’s all the explanation people need if they’re gonna be such dicks.
christfollower1993
New member
@charity78777 Mr family is doing the same thing right now to try and get me to fly with the baby to California for a wedding at the end of this month and to Texas for Thanksgiving next month (we're on the east coast). It already would be really hard to do that but the sickness risk from bringing the baby to an airport during sick season makes it a no go. But I never hear the end of it about my cousins or their friends who took babies on a plane and wERe FinE
iamscience
New member
@charity78777 Stinking posts like “I did this with my baby…” have made me feel inadequate as a mother. OP i TOTALLY agree with you. Every child is different and special and you, OP are doing a great job.
charity78777
New member
@iamscience Thanks for the kind words. I actually don’t mind what other people post that they do. I find I can see that and just be happy for them or indifferent. But when my family uses it to criticize me, I start feeling some type of way.
Thanks for the kind words. I actually don’t mind what other people post that they do. I find I can see that and just be happy for them or indifferent. But when my family uses it to criticize me, I start feeling some type of way.