We are doing no electronics during the school week for the month of May. It's changed the whole family dynamic. Maybe you should try it, too
@boodus i have a 4 year old with autism and we do the same. we just moderate everything he watches on youtube (his tablet doesn’t even have internet access and all the youtube videos are vetted and downloaded onto the ipad through youtube) and he doesn’t fight with us at all about taking it away. sometimes the kid just has to stim out to mario kart gameplay LOL
@4givengal I do also think playing with one's siblings is more likely to give you, I dunno, memories of an interesting childhood than just "here are all the shows I watched in elementary school" 
@sf111 See I’m on my last one and the gap is 6 years. The temptation to just let the teens on screens is high. And the oldest are in HS, youngest in elementary school. Not so much playing with siblings for her so then she wants me to play w/ her all the time and I wfh so it’s not always possible.
so then she wants me to play w/ her all the time and I wfh so it’s not always possible.@4givengal I feel ya.
With that big an age gap, it's like you have a singleton. There are times you gotta make the devil's bargain and let 'em veg.
One thing my girls have gotten into since the screens ban is a Fisher-Price record player from the 80s + 50+ read-along stories.
That's probably too young for your elementary school one, but you may be able to find something similar for her that is engaging without being a screen.
With that big an age gap, it's like you have a singleton. There are times you gotta make the devil's bargain and let 'em veg.
One thing my girls have gotten into since the screens ban is a Fisher-Price record player from the 80s + 50+ read-along stories.
That's probably too young for your elementary school one, but you may be able to find something similar for her that is engaging without being a screen.
@sf111 Do I live in a parallel world? Screen time is not hard at all to manage at all for me (and I use my phone a lot, I often take breaks every hour to use it for 5-10 minutes), but for the kids… in the battle for their attention, screens lose cause it takes time from activities they want, and they don’t have as much idle time as people seem to describe their children having.
Sign them for some classes like a language class, music, sports, take them to the gym, get them a bike, help them get a hobby and their screen time will plummet.
I understand if you’re busy and doesn’t have time be physically present and engaged with your child, but every time I see people complaining kids spending too much it’s kids with too much free time and being nannied by the internet.
Not trying to point fingers, OP, but I feel like I’m on crazy pills.
Sign them for some classes like a language class, music, sports, take them to the gym, get them a bike, help them get a hobby and their screen time will plummet.
I understand if you’re busy and doesn’t have time be physically present and engaged with your child, but every time I see people complaining kids spending too much it’s kids with too much free time and being nannied by the internet.
Not trying to point fingers, OP, but I feel like I’m on crazy pills.
@pastorjdh It sounds like you're either lucky enough to have really cheap after school programs for your kids or you've got good enough financial situation that you can pay for after school stuff.
To give a salient example: for just my son, we're spending $400 a month for a 1x / week tennis class for my son. $250 a month more for 1x/ week swimming lessons. $40 a week for piano lessons at school, and another $90 or so a month for at-school Katang lessons (which is, I believe, foam sword fighting lessons?).
We're already out $800 a month for after school activities and only 1 of them is actually outside of school hours on a weekday. All the rest are during after school programs / on the weekend.
I can't *afford* to fill all 3 schedules up with activities. I could easily spend $3k a month on that and still have down time every afternoon between 15:00 - 18:00.
To give a salient example: for just my son, we're spending $400 a month for a 1x / week tennis class for my son. $250 a month more for 1x/ week swimming lessons. $40 a week for piano lessons at school, and another $90 or so a month for at-school Katang lessons (which is, I believe, foam sword fighting lessons?).
We're already out $800 a month for after school activities and only 1 of them is actually outside of school hours on a weekday. All the rest are during after school programs / on the weekend.
I can't *afford* to fill all 3 schedules up with activities. I could easily spend $3k a month on that and still have down time every afternoon between 15:00 - 18:00.
@sf111 I admit I don’t have any idea how it works in your country (I assume US) and I have no idea what those numbers mean (it’s hard to get a perspective on value when you’re that removed from that reality), but I also don’t want to shame anyone for their economic situation, I live in a poor country after all so you learn how to do things for the least cost, since you don’t have money to begin with. Don’t know how much of it is applicable all the way down in North America.
Community centres, be they secular or religious, are a great way to find cheap or even free classes and courses. Music ones are specially common, but also sports, arts, etc. They tend to fill in quite quickly so you have to be fast.
Some activities are more efficient when you take into account how much you spend on them. Don’t know how much 100 USD a week is worth for you, maybe it’s something your son really enjoys, but maybe a gym membership he could spend 1h every other day would be more useful in the fight against screens.
And, well, if you want to weaponise the enemy against itself, there’s free courses online for literally everything. Mathematics, physics, music, languages, arts, coding. Turn idle brain rotting screen time into productive, brain stimulating screen time.
Community centres, be they secular or religious, are a great way to find cheap or even free classes and courses. Music ones are specially common, but also sports, arts, etc. They tend to fill in quite quickly so you have to be fast.
Some activities are more efficient when you take into account how much you spend on them. Don’t know how much 100 USD a week is worth for you, maybe it’s something your son really enjoys, but maybe a gym membership he could spend 1h every other day would be more useful in the fight against screens.
And, well, if you want to weaponise the enemy against itself, there’s free courses online for literally everything. Mathematics, physics, music, languages, arts, coding. Turn idle brain rotting screen time into productive, brain stimulating screen time.
@pastorjdh I'm in Canada. So, like, .68 RealBucks to the MooseBuck.
whiteisfamily
New member
@whiteisfamily I agreed--initially.
When you've got a disregulation issue like ADHD, you literally cannot learn these things until the prefrontal cortex develops a little better.
When you've got a disregulation issue like ADHD, you literally cannot learn these things until the prefrontal cortex develops a little better.
mfearghail
New member
@sf111 100%. I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until a couple of years ago, at the same time as my bipolar diagnosis. I always thought I was just horribly depressed, and that's why I couldn't function like everyone else. Well, I am, but when the depression fog lifted with the mood stabilizers, the executive dysfunction remained. The way my psychiatrist put it, due to the (unfortunately very common) comorbidity of bipolar and ADHD, the brain is constantly desperately starved for dopamine and will do absolutely anything to get a fix, no matter how hard you try to will it to let you do anything else. Sometimes I have to just clear out my pantry and uninstall any fun apps on my phone and just completely ground myself as a full grown adult because without meds I physically cannot stop seeking out dopamine hits in the form of social media or snacks or Xbox achievements. The absolute best thing I've done for myself as an adult with ADHD is just going cold turkey on unhealthy habits for a while because the ability to self regulate, even now at almost 30, is next to impossible without another grown up next to me to help keep me on track. Sadly my regulation buddy and life partner is gone for work for months at a time, so I'm fighting for my life right now lol.
I agree that it's so important to help your child learn to regulate themselves, and I know you are currently and will continue to do your best. But also don't be surprised that even if you both try as hard as you can, that your kiddo may never be able to properly develop that skill even into adulthood. It's okay. I believe in you guys, and you'll figure out the loopholes of this silly brain malfunction together. It sounds like you've already found the first cheat code.
I agree that it's so important to help your child learn to regulate themselves, and I know you are currently and will continue to do your best. But also don't be surprised that even if you both try as hard as you can, that your kiddo may never be able to properly develop that skill even into adulthood. It's okay. I believe in you guys, and you'll figure out the loopholes of this silly brain malfunction together. It sounds like you've already found the first cheat code.
@mfearghail My dad has ADHD real bad.
His parents fixed it by sending him to a military boarding school where they beat the hell out of him for 8 years until he learned some way to cope with his ADHD.
I was, uh, not willing to pursue the same tactics for my boy.
My wife insists I have a lot of the signs of ADHD myself, but I learned to regulate on my own, I guess--no beatings required! I suppose I have a lesser version than my dad.
My son has a more severe version than I do, for sure, and without his Vivans he is a solid D student. With his Vivans he's a B+ / A- student who loves to read and draw comics all the time because he is physically able to focus for more than half a second.
The difference for him has been incredible. His pre-diagnosis evaluation had him talking about how he feels stupid and wants to hurt himself when he can't keep focus. And he was 7 at the time.
But every month is another adventure on how to adapt and manage this disability so he lives his best life.
Given how many of us have kids with ADHD, I thought that my story might help some other dads, too. It's made a real difference for his day to day--and he even knows it now, too.
His parents fixed it by sending him to a military boarding school where they beat the hell out of him for 8 years until he learned some way to cope with his ADHD.
I was, uh, not willing to pursue the same tactics for my boy.
My wife insists I have a lot of the signs of ADHD myself, but I learned to regulate on my own, I guess--no beatings required! I suppose I have a lesser version than my dad.
My son has a more severe version than I do, for sure, and without his Vivans he is a solid D student. With his Vivans he's a B+ / A- student who loves to read and draw comics all the time because he is physically able to focus for more than half a second.
The difference for him has been incredible. His pre-diagnosis evaluation had him talking about how he feels stupid and wants to hurt himself when he can't keep focus. And he was 7 at the time.
But every month is another adventure on how to adapt and manage this disability so he lives his best life.
Given how many of us have kids with ADHD, I thought that my story might help some other dads, too. It's made a real difference for his day to day--and he even knows it now, too.
mfearghail
New member
@sf111 Oh, your poor dad. My heart breaks for him. But I can feel your love for your son through your words, and I'm so glad he's got you in his life. I think it's good that you shared this story, it's made me reflect on how much screen time we've had in the house lately, even though our little guy is still in diapers. I'm in the middle of packing up the house to move across the country, so the screen time is currently my co-parent so I can get literally anything done. I definitely think that when we get where we're going that there's going to be a detox. Maybe not full stop, but a huge cut down compared to how much he's been getting lately.
@mfearghail There are times you gotta do it, especially when you only have 1 kid.
If I'm cooking dinner (or my wife is and I'm in the office) and the kids are all home, we've taken a literal 20 liter tub of art supplies and put it into the middle of the living room. They can all color and draw and play together and if they're bored, well, read a book or something. Or run around the house screaming like mad people. They can entertain each other.
Just 1, you don't get those alternatives.
Good luck with the move!
If I'm cooking dinner (or my wife is and I'm in the office) and the kids are all home, we've taken a literal 20 liter tub of art supplies and put it into the middle of the living room. They can all color and draw and play together and if they're bored, well, read a book or something. Or run around the house screaming like mad people. They can entertain each other.
Just 1, you don't get those alternatives.
Good luck with the move!